Age 21 - Social anxiety greatly improved, more energy, less negative, easier to talk to girls
Today is my 60th day without pmo and i'm freaking happy about it. After countless relapses it was hard for me to believe that I could make it this far, so if you are feeling like that right now, don't give up. Anyone can do this.
What did I experience during these 60 days?
The first two weeks were very hard, after that it got easier. You can read my 45 day update here:
Those last weeks were a bit more challenging:
- I started to experience lots of headaches and mood swings. I guess it was because all my sexual energy had no place to go. I read that being creative is another outlet for sexual energy, so I started drawing about two weeks ago (had never done this before). Since last week I have not had anymore head aches or moodswings. Don't know if it is a direct result from starting to be creative, but I really enjoy drawing. It's very meditative, so i'm going to continue doing it.
- I have not had any sexual dreams (or at least I don't remember them) or wet dreams. I came very close once. One night I was woken up by a loud sound that came from outside and I noticed I had an erection and it felt like I was about to O any second. I guess if that sound hadn't woken me up I would have had a wet dream. I got up out of bed, got something to drink and went back to sleep. This has not happened again and I have not had another wet/sexual dream.
- I have absolutely no problem with pmo at this point. It's almost like it has become a non-issue. I know that I'm not cured yet, but it feels great to not have to struggle with this. It's impossible to escape sexy images. I try to as much as possible, but there are always scenes in movies or tv shows that are 'stimulating'. When I come across one of those, I'll feel aroused, but there's no urge to start masturbating. Also, what I do during one of these scenes is start thinking about something completely different, like things I have to do at work for example.
- This past week I have noticed that my brain starts fantasizing a lot. At first I thought it was sexual, but then I realized that I craved intimacy that wasn't necessarily sexual. This is the only thing that has been somewhat of a challenge for me. It's hard to stop those thoughts. But, i'm glad that i'm craving normal things as opposed to sexual things. So there is some progress. But still I would like to avoid this until at least after my first 90 days.
- Mindset: when I started I was fixated on reaching a certain number of days. And although I still watch my numbers, my mindset has shifted from 'I have to do this for x number of days' to 'this is how I'm going to live from now on'. I'm convinced this shift in mindset is absolutely necessary to achieve long term success. My goal is to never PM again, and to only O during sex in a relationship.
Positive side-effects (aka superpowers)
I don't really like the word 'superpowers'. It creates unrealistic expectations in people just starting out with nofap. Nofap is only part of the solution to start feeling great about your life and yourself. Combined with other things, it can be a powerful force for creating change in your life and that is what makes you feel great (the so called super powers). But you still have to create that change yourself. Don't expect nofap to be a magical cure!
Besides nofap, I meditate twice a day, practice yoga 6 days a week, I eat healthy and I run three times a week. As a result of all this:
- my social anxiety has greatly improved, I feel much better in my own body
- I have more energy (although I still experience periods with lots of energy swings, but I guess this is because of the reboot process)
- I'm not as negative anymore as I used to be (still some work to be done)
- I find it easier to talk to girls in general. But when there's a girl I like, I'm still not able to start a conversation with her. But this will come in the near future, I'm sure of it.
- I no longer walk around feeling like a predator. Before i started this streak, sometimes I would see a beautiful girl walking in front of me and I would make a detour just so I could enjoy her boobs or ass a little longer. Now, I will still notice those things, but I won't lose myself in them. I notice them and I look away, that's it.
- The way I think about girls has changed. It has become more respectful. Before, the first thing I would think when I saw a girl was: 'would i f*ck her? I would use lots of disrespectful words to describe women and basically all i saw was boobs, ass and some 'thing' to f*ck. Now I see women as the beautiful creatures they are. They are people, not lust objects.
- My procrastination starts to get better and better (and by that I mean it gets less )
- All the guilt associated with PMO has disappeared completely.
- I have found a new desire to really make something out of my life. I'm planning on starting my own business in a couple of months.
So, needless to say I'm feeling great. I've found a new perspective on life and I'm starting to respect myself again. This is a lifestyle for me now.
Finally, I want to give a big thanks to everyone in this forum. It has been of great help to me during those 60 days! I will do another update when I reach 90 days.
There's just one thing that is bothering me, maybe some of you can give me some insights into this. When I have an erection, it feels smaller than it used to be. I googled some medical forums, and experts said it was impossible for your penis to get smaller. But when I was 19, my then girlfriend once measured it, so I know how big it used to be. I measured it again this week, and the girth was almost a centimeter less than what it used to be. Which is a big difference. (I have not lost or gained any significant amount of weight, have always been slender) Has anyone else experienced this? Is this something related to the reboot process?
by - napionder