Age 21 - Take Two, a deep passion for success
I've just reached 50 days of NoFap for the second time today. Before I jump into it, I want to lay the background of my life, followed by experiences and results.
Background: I'm currently 21 year old Junior in college. I started to PMO 9 years ago when I was 12 years old in the 6th grade. Before discovering porn I remember having several friends as girls, and being able to talk to girls relatively easy for my age. I looked at girls completely different back then. I used to think of talking to girls as simply talking to another person.
When I discovered porn everything changed in relation to me and the opposite sex. I would even look at my prehistoric teachers in a sexual way... I couldn't stop picturing them naked to save my life! Plus I would constantly fantasize about girls in my class. During 8 years of PMO: My porn addiction started pretty mild, with X Rated HBO and Showtime movies late at night.
Soon after I started looking at porn pictures on my PSP back in the day. Once my family got high speed internet, I started watching copious amounts of hardcore videos. I even started looking at bizarre videos like tranny threesomes or midgets with strap-ons just to get off.
Immediately, my relationships with girls began to change. I started to see them as sexual objects and nothing more. I also began to become really introverted and socially anxious all the time. I didn't have the urge or desire to socialize beyond family and close friends. I started to feel tired all the time, my room smelled horrible because of my masturbating addiction. I noticed myself becoming increasingly socially inept, but instead of working on the problem I would turn to porn for comfort. I also began to become insecure about pretty much everything. From my voice, to my body, to the size of my dick, everything felt like it wasn't worthy of getting pussy.
Because of my lack of ability to talk females, I didn't have my first girlfriend til 9th grade, and it lasted 2 days. My first kiss didn't come till I was 18 and sloppy drunk with the ugliest girl in the party. Eventually I became numb to my problems, and even worst... I had no desire to change as long as I had porn to comfort me.
What Inspired NoFap: In my second year of college when I finished my first 90 day noFap challenge, had just turned 20 years old...
- I didn't have a girlfriend
- had 0 girls in my social circle
- hadn't had sex in 14 months!
- porn became mundane
- my penis would rarely get fully hard - wanted to have a real relationship with a girl
- wanted to feel social again
During my first noFap 90 day challenge: When I first tried this challenge, I relapses about 3 times before finally kicking the PMO habit. At first the urges were too strong for me to handle, and all i could think about was looking up my favorite porn to relieve the discomfort. Initially, i tried to stop masturbating but I would still look at porn. This method never worked as I would get so turned on that I had to MO.
I finally made up my mind that I was totally done with PMO, and I managed to stay away from porn and start my noFap streak. The good and bad of the nofap streak included the following:
- Felt really energetic the first week
- Looked for other sexual outlets
- Had a couple wet dreams along the way
- Strange IOI's everywhere I went
- Girls became really nice for some reason
- Constant positive social feedback
- Friends saw a positive change
- Started talking to girls at parties and making out with random girls
- Confidence out the roof
- Urges for PMO almost completely went away after about 70 days
- Started lowering my standards
- Did whatever it took to hook up with someone
- Considered calling a prostitute… but didn't
- Had sex with a fat chick multiple times
- Sent out countless dick pics
- Got good at talking to girls
- Broke dry spell at around day 60
- Overcame a lot of irrational fears with the opposite sex
- Learned that talking to girls is really easy
- Penis became really sensitive
- Ate a girl out for first time
- blowjob's felt like heaven on earth
- Started taking more opportunities
- Had a couple flatlines that lasted about 2 weeks each
- Felt my personality radiate - Became more creative and funny
- Became really playful
- More optimistic
- Got in best shape of my life
- More clarity, less foggy headed
Despite all the positive results that I experienced during my first noFap streak. I ended it at 93 days because of what I now realize was a flatline, and I wasn't sure if things were going to stay that way. Plus, I had lost a drive to keep going because the challenge was done! So I started edging to porn to make my penis less sensitive, because every time I had sex I would cum within 5 minutes. Looking back I regret breaking my streak, because going back to porn made almost all of the positive effects go away. The old life I had before noFap came rushing back. It was almost like I did all that work for nothing.
After first 90 day streak: After 90 day streak I started to fap more than ever before. Although the porn I watched was pretty vanilla, since I was so sensitive to porn.
- Started MOing 2-3 times a day
- Was really sensitive to porn at first, but got used to it fast
- Felt drop in confidence and urge to talk to people - Penis became less sensitive
- Felt more tired and cloudy headed - Had trouble maintaining eye contact
- Personality diminished
- Had no game with girls face to face, but still managed to have sex
- Harder to cope with day to day obligations
- Got laid by 4 different girls
This phase of looking at porn again lasted about 3 months before I started noFap again during November 2014. I think the only reason I had sex with 4 girls was because I had did most of the hard work with these girls during my streak. It just so happened to all pay off when I stopped noFap. After convincing myself that noFap was a way of life, not just a 3 month deal, I started my noFap streak again.
During 2nd 50+ NoFap streak: This time around, no PMO was a lot easier than the first time. Since I had done it before, there was no doubt in my mind that it could be done. As of today these are different things that I've experienced.
- Strongest urges to PMO for first 1-2 weeks
- At first felt rather irritable
- Got laid twice (same girl)
- Missed the comfort from porn
- Penis still not sensitive
- Have a lot more control over sexual energy
- Feel more grounded and wholesome as a person
- Feel better about myself
- Urges almost completely gone after 50 days
- Always put in effort to connect with girls
- Had a successful date with a cute girl
- Made out with several girls within the 7 weeks
- Got several numbers from girls
- Made new friends, and strengthened old friendships
- Became more social again
- Able to make strong, natural eye contact
- People generally feel at ease around me
- Made friends with girls
- Became good at holding conversation with girls
- People seem to gravitate towards my personality
- Became closer with my family
- Started to workout like crazy
- Developed deeper relationships with girls aside from sex
- Feel confident when I talk -
- Solid vision of success in the future
- The luck of the universe seems to be on my side (hard to explain)
- able to recognize over-sexualization and instead of being attracted to it, I see it for what it is.
- More sharp and witty in the mental department
- Able to put two and two together quickly
- More clarity in my mind
- developed a deep passion for success
- Feel confident in the future and God's plan - Have nothing to hide from people anymore
- Don’t see myself stopping noFap for the rest of my life