Age 22 - 90 days: I'm a totally different person

Printer-friendly version

starfishHey guys I just made it to 90 days without one iota of delicious pornography and thought I'd share my story. ...HOLY FUCKING SHIT I MADE IT, IS THIS REAL LIFE?! I HAVE DREAMED OF THIS DAY FOR SO LONG!!!!

So many days of hopelessness and despair, relapse after relapse, embarrassing episodes of erectile dysfunction, I never thought I would make it to 90 days, it just seemed impossible. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. All I can say is suck it up princess and keep slogging on, if I did it then you can do it. Its fucking worth it.

My major lessons:

  • Persistence is the ONLY way to succeed in anything, the minute you give up you've lost; JUST. KEEP. GOING.
  • Relapses are just learning experiences. Every relapse I had I would learn another of my triggers or another rationalisation (meditation helps to become aware of these).
  • Edging is as bad if not worse than blowing your load to porn, reset your counter if you edge, no excuses. ZERO TOLERANCE.
  • Porn is fucking awesome, I used to love cuing up 50 videos and helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college. I don't judge anyone who bludgeons the beefsteak to porn, I'm just not one of those people any more, that's just WHO I DECIDED TO BE. As you start to break free, try to forge a new identity, tell yourself "I'm not someone who watches porn". SIMPLE. Doesn't leave any room for rationalisation, you don't need some elaborate reason.
  • Adjusting the antenna every now and then (no fantasy, no porn) is a good way to let off steam and reduce urges. THE MAIN ENEMY IS PORN. We're just rewiring our brains, and natural masturbation is part of a healthy reward circuit.

Who I was when I started:

  • Wow I was a totally different person, like welcome to Pathetic Town, population: me aka faggot.
  • I was riddled with guilt and shame. I couldn't hold eye contact with people. I would be overcome with fear in basic interactions.
  • Would routinely want to be swallowed into the ground.
  • No idea where I was going in life.
  • Dead eyes, bad skin, weak voice, NO ENERGY.
  • Terrible memory and conversation skills.
  • Social recluse with no real friends
  • Would objectify every girl, I was a terrifying weirdo to them
  • All in all it just felt like there was some fucking dark fog hanging over my life
  • Feel bad --> watch porn --> keep feeling bad --> watch more porn --> DURRR Y DO I FEL BAD

Who I am now:

  • Passionate about life, joyful vibrant person
  • Full of energy and motivation
  • Deeper voice, better skin, vibrant eyes, THICK COCK
  • Morning wood :D
  • Can see a bigger picture of things, learned a lot from this journey
  • Confident in social situations and talking to strangers and loved ones
  • Focused on my dreams and hobbies
  • Popular, make friends easily, able to express myself
  • Hot girls actually miss me --- what the fuck?
  • The fog has lifted and its hard to describe how much better life is afterwards.

THIS IS REAL LIFE.

Giving up porn gave me the strength to take on other habits which have helped drastically with my growth as a person, things like daily meditation, exercise and eating healthy are crucial, but my advice is start one at a time and only when you feel like you have your other habits DOWN. We only have a certain amount of willpower to use each day.

So I hope my ramblings can be of some use to you guys. I want to thank you motherfuckers for being an awesome support community, together we are strong.

~Max

LINK - 90 Days, is this real life?

 by maxazillion