Age 23 - 100 days: inner peace and many improvements
I've been reading and writing on this reddit for quite some time now and I have finally achieved my first NoFap goal which was to go 100 days without fapping or porn.
Why I started NoFap
The most direct reason for me was that I was experiencing ED with a girl that was probably as close as you can get to perfection in a non-porn setting. I was a virgin and had ED in the past but just assumed that it was due to my partner to whom I wasn't very attracted. But this girl was exactly my style, sweet, first person I really opened up to. In fact, before this girl I was always scared of intimacy; always thought I wasn't good enough, wasn't adequate and was shutting myself off from any relationship. The ED was the main reason things didn't work out with this "perfect" girl.
I had heard of negative effects of masturbation and porn before, in bits and piece, here and there. More than half of the time these came from a catholic point of view which I rejected, but at other times this would come from a completely neutral source as well. I also started to recognize that my use of porn and the frequency at which I masturbated escalated too much. I'd do it 5-6 times per days, VERY slowly. It would take up most of my free time and I don't like to waste my time (yet ironically I wasted a lot of it). I also didn't have much energy or focus when I was at home because porn was available at all times.
This, coupled with the ED gave me a strong reason to pursue NoFap. At first I thought it was just the porn. So after the break-up I stopped watching it, first for one week, then a programmed binge on the weekend; then 2 weeks without porn, another binge on the weekend. Finally a month with yet another binge. During this abstinence from porn I "fought the urge" by masturbating without porn. Which basically meant that I was still masturbating a lot. I DIDN'T EXPERIENCE ANY POSITIVE RESULTS BY ABSTAINING FROM PORN ALONE but still continuing the masturbation.
After these first attempts I decided to stop masturbating as well. A friend of mine had told me (quite randomly) that he didn't masturbate for 4 months once and this gave me the idea of trying as well. When I started I would tell 3-4 of my closest friends "It's been a week... it's been 3 weeks" etc. It was an exciting part of the process to watch days go by. Which brings us to...
I found that fighting the urge wasn't very hard but this is probably because of advantageous circumstances. I started NoFap during a very busy college year. I had to stay at the library all day. I remember during the first 3 weeks I would get flashes of porn scenes all the time and would just be really horny. But I wasn't gonna pull out my dipper in public, so things went smoothly. This coupled was coupled with thoughts like "I am not gonna let ED ruin a relationship again"... a strong reason to stay on track. Also, the fact that I had already previously stopped watching porn (while still masturbating) might have helped.
Edging : I have edged a bit some days. Never for long periods of time (seconds at most) but at one point I almost reached orgasm. This is not great since edging gives you a dopamine rush... it's still masturbating. But I didn't reset the badge. As of now, I haven't had the desire to edge for 2-3 weeks already so things are going really great right now.
Wet dreams : I got maybe 6-7 wet dreams total, with 4-5 nocturnal emissions. I was realy excited to get these since my friends have all experienced this and the fact that I got a nocturnal emission made me feel somewhat more normal. "Finally I am resetting" I thought. I did get a sense of guilt after these emissions. Often times the accompanying dreams were really dirty porn scenes and I was dreaming that I was watching porn in the process. The sense of guilt came from the fact that I thought I was watching porn when I had promised myself not to. This feeling of guilt goes away really fast but it still bothered me a little. Reading up on Reddit helped a lot.
Oh yeah, this is the exciting part. In a nutshell NoFap gives you a sense of inner peace which in turn makes you more confident. I felt that I became much more balanced and the effect is slowly compounding. There is a "peak/valley" dynamic: the first peak were the superpowers I got after 2-3 weeks. This is a crazy sense of well being, I felt like I was on drugs. People were asking me if I took drugs. After 1 week of superpowers I reverted to a more stable state but I still remained much more "centered" than when I PMOing.
The beneficial aspects of NoFap haven't yet ceased for me. It keeps getting and better. I experience sorts of "level ups" every 20-40 days or so. The day before yesterday I woke up and felt like I had positively changed. It's a very tangible feeling and it keeps building up and is accompanied by an increase in confidence.
A small exercice to reinforce your confidence and self-esteem: whenever you want to do something but don't do it because you're lazy or slightly scared or the activity is unpleasant, GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND DO IT ANYWAY.
For example, if I want to have a coke and there is none in the house, I'll go out and buy it, even though it will take me 10 minutes or so and that I am in the process of doing something otherwise interesting and don't want to get off my chair. If I want something, I force myself to go and get it.
This tip came from a "pickup" book by a guy named 60 years of challenge. I am not even an aspiring PUA but I have read lots of material on the subject without ever applying it. Most of it seemed contrived and unrealistic. The only 2 books that really clicked and made me understand things are the one by 60 years of challenge and Mark Manson's book, both quite similar but exploring different facets of the same big idea - honesty. I would suggest you get the one by 60 years of challenge, even if like me you don't plan on doing any "real PUA stuff", it's a good book on how to be a man.
Apply this tip while doing NoFap and your levels of confidence should increase noticeably.
I am much more outspoken now: I speak up when I don't like something. In the past my emotions weren't completely numbed down but I had become a master of repressing and hiding them and would be completely unreactive to 95% of the stuff that upset me. Now I say stuff. I do it on purpose because I think it's part of the path to becoming a normal human being again. But it also feels good to let people know that you don't like what they're doing and not be this accepting "nice guy" all the time.
Random awesome improvements:
- I stopped biting my nails! It's crazy. I've been biting my nails since I was 5. They look really ugly. I've tried to stop 3-4 times but never succeeded, however since day 88 or something like that I just stopped doing it, WITHOUT EVEN TRYING. It's weird, I don't know why it's happening and hopefully it will last. This one detail made me realize that improvements will keep coming after the 90 day period.
- I had unconcious doubts about my ability to defend myself. This manifested in my dreams: I would hit someone and the hit would be so weak that the person would either laugh or I would just feel really embarassed that my strike was just so wimpy. I know it sounds strange. Especially that I have been going to the gym for 6 years now, I don't look super buff, but bigger than most guys I know and if I hit someone, I know it's gonna hurt. Yet this dream kept coming back a lot. Since day 50 or so THIS DREAM HAS DISSAPEARED. In fact I think that at some point I dreamed that I completely destroyed a guy. I am not sure though, I didn't write it down at the time. Keep in mind I've never been in a serious fight before and I am NOT a violent person, so no need to call the cops. It's the increase in confidence talking. BOUYA.
- I have started looking up when I walk.
- I don't have trouble maintaining eye contact when I want to. However I usually forget to do so and just look around like I used to, its a deeply ingrained habit. I have to just put my mind to do it more frequently.
- I am much more focused and I think I am learning things faster. The focus is 100% real. I think my ability to memorize things has become better but this might be placebo.
- I am much more relaxed overall.
My next goal is to reach 250 days, then a year, then 2 years and then hopefully I will forget about fapping! The beneficial effects of NoFap seem to be stacking as time goes by so there's no reason to stop! The urge has become very easy to fight now.
Big thank you to the NoFap community, ESPECIALLY to the people who've reset their counters and posted about it. I know this sounds slightly strange/mean, but those posts reinforce my motivation. I think to myself "I don't want my huge counter [male bravado...] to switch back to day 1 and be one of those guys". Hopefully it doesn't offend any of you. It's a hard battle, I hope all of you succeed and achieve the goals you have set for yourselves.
The struggle is well worth it, don't let your brain trick you into thinking otherwise
LINK - 100 day report. INNER PEACE.