Age 23 - ED, I was afraid of sex
I had my first ed experience at 19. I was a virgin. It sucked. I had been getting off from porn since I was 12. I avoided all sexual possibilities from then till I was 21. That was when I discover YBOP.
I was in my first year of university and coming to the end. I had not even tried to meet any women. One weekend in March I went out on a Friday night to a bar/club with my boys. This was a rare occasion for me. I drank a little liquid courage and stated mingling.
Detour: between the ages of 16-18 I used to go out every weekend to clubs and i would always pick up women or at least one. I would make out with them and feel them up, get their number and never call them. I used to think i didn't call because i was too nervous to get myself in a situation where i might get laid and suck because i had no sexual experience. Now i realize that i didn't call them because i was getting my fill from the women that existed on my computer. After my first failed sexual experience at 19 I was really fucked up. The poor girl gave me another 2 shots after that: this sexy black chick who i had gone to high school with and haven't seen since, though now i really want a crack at that ass to use my new-found talents on.
Continued: On that Friday night in march I managed to get 4 different numbers. Focused on not letting these girls slip from my chances I consulted a pick-up forum. While searching the forum I discovered a post that read "Porn related erectile dysfunction".
It took me to YBOP and from there my evolution had begun.
At that point in my life porn had become so unsatisfactory it was not hard at all to give up. Most people report slips in during recovery/rebooting but I did not experience any during my first 3 months. Between March-may i grew as a person more than in the past 20 years. I became stronger, exercised more often and intensely than ever before. The most exciting part of my recovery was what I had planned next for the summer.
For June I had planned a trip to Italy for 2 months and my recovery was lining up perfectly with my trip. I should note that even though roughly 3 months had past since I started recovery my libido was still low. Actually it was just different, it had evolved and I did not know how deeply yet.
I was going to Italy to spend 6 weeks in courses for school and 2 weeks with family. This is where my recovery came to be know loved and understood.
My trip started in Florence, Tuscany, what i consider now the most beautiful place one earth. My group consisted of 12 people: 2 male and 10 female all from my university. This was the greatest experience a man full of testosterone, 4 months abstinent could ever find himself in. I yearn to describe the feeling of being surrounded by women, all of whom at one point or another felt attracted to me because I was the alpha of the pack. For example: In the first week I went to get pizza in the rain with one of the girls and we shared an umbrella, I put my arm around her waist during the walk and I had an erection the entire time. While this may have been embarrassing for most people, for me it was the greatest thing. I had a hard on during the whole trip and i oozed sexuality, literally. But this was a new kind of arousal, a passion for everything and everyone around me.
long story short:
The girl i walked with to get the pizza became my girlfriend when we got back home. This was after a love triangle in Rome and countless other dramas. But every moment of love, hate, sorrow, redemption was made all the more possible thanks to the lessons I learned about quitting pmo.
The road wasn't all sunshine and lollipops.
The girl from Florence and i started dating and i was still nervous about having sex. The first few times I was terrible but I made myself more comfortable by talking to her about my pmo past and eventually became pretty damn good in the sack (still getting better).
I have had my share of slips on this road, but no binges. My first slips came during my last week in Italy. I had 3 slips and felt very down on myself. I thought I had fucked everything up, but that was not the case. I talked about all this with my gf and it really helped knowing that she knew what was going on inside me. I went pmo free for very long stretches during the last year or so with an occasional slip (some m/o, 1or2 p, and a few m without o). But each time i never binged, just took it as a lesson and grew from there.
I am going to turn 24 in a month and it has been just about 2 years since I started my path on recovery. I had a slip today and returned to YBOP for advice and i discovered this forum and wanted to contribute my experience. I have never posted on a forum before but I felt compelled to write here. I am still dating that girl I met in Florence and as of right now my life is going swimmingly. The slip I had today was a positive learning experience because it brought me back here and to all of you and your stories.
If I could offer anything it would be this: if anyone ever feels like asking anything to me on this forum, I promise to do everything I can to help.
Thank you all
BY - michael2
Answers a few questions:
1) I watched porn (online, magazines, movies) for about 8-9 years consistently. I pmo everyday, rarely missing a day. When I was younger I pmo'd up to 2-3 times a day regularly, on crazy days up to 5 times. As i got older I decreased in frequency. When I started recovery I was pmo'ing once a day.
2) Average time is 3 months = 90 days for reboot. Rewiring may take longer. Rewiring is where your brain will relearn when to create full erections (in situations where you will actually have sex as opposed to in front of a computer). This may take time and a few sexual experiences to rewire the brain for what to expect. This will vary depending on your sexual experience.
3) After 3 months YOU will feel like a "chick magnet". After 3 months of no pmo you will see the difference.
Remember this: All the damage that we've done to the brain can be repaired. What is amazing is that you can fix years of damage in months.