Age 24 - 95 days: Light at the end of the tunnel, after more than ten years of porn.

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Dear fellow rebooters,

On the 25th I reached one of my most important goals of this year: 90 days without watching porn. Before that, I had never thought I would make it that far.
But I went abroad for three months and had other things on my mind. From a distance, it was easier to reflect on my addiction and everything else I had tried before. Being spatially seperated from home and facing new challenges did a great deal to me: I could not spend my entire day edging anymore. Also, I wanted to return as somebody more mature - as somebody I myself could respect. This latter goal was crucial. Everytime I was tempted (I relapsed once, at the very beginning of my stay, as my journal tells you) I reminded myself of what I had pledged myself to achieve. Not any longer would I start another year hoping for a fresh start.
Then, at an amazing pace, the days flew by. My personal best was beaten (50-something) and the number of clean days kept on increasing. Until the 25th. On that particular day, I did hardly think about the benchmark I had just reached, but now I do. In hindsight, that day was liberating.

What is my current situation? Am I the omnipotent being I had been striving for to be? Hell, no. But I made an important step. In the morning, the face staring back at me from the mirror, doesn't repel me anymore. Sure, I do other issues left I have to deal with. But so does everybody else, too.
Just some days ago, I told my girlfriend about the 90 days. She was disappointed for she had thought I had been doing much better. However, being honest was important. She now knows. And our relationship seems more stable.
I don't know what will happen in the future - be it my studies, my girlfriend or whatever matter there is of any importance. But at this moment, I feel a bit more prepared and confident that I can tackle everything that's coming my way. And this feeling will grow even stronger with every day I abstain from what I've come to despise.

Thank you all for your support. Thank you all for encouraging me and sharing your stories with me. This honesty and frankness we all show on this forum on a daily basis is not something to take lightly. It requires a lot of effort.
I am looking forward to contribute and act as a role model for every lucky bastard who's deciding to leave porn behind.

See you guys tomorrow! ,-)

Yours
Jack (94 days clean)

LINK - 90 days: Light at the end of the tunnel, after more than ten years of porn.

BY - Username


 

INITIAL POST - This addiction isn't me.

My name is Jack. I've turned 24 not long ago. And I will keep this first post very simple. There's no need to elaborate just now.

Ever since I had my first computer with internet access at the age of 10, I was looking for pornographic material.
I've developed an addiction over the years that definitely contributed to my seclusion during my teen years. Porn was one of my most time-consuming activities besides pitying myself. I had no self-esteem.
Right now, I'm a university student and am just two semesters away from finally reaching my first degree.
I share a flat with my girlfriend whom I met about three years ago. Even though she's older than me, we are the first partner to each other.
And I betray her. I've had my share of longer and shorter streaks but in the end, I turned back to the screen and went from bikini shots to erotic literature to hardcore porn. And of course, I felt like a piece of shit after each relapse. Yet I didn't stop.

At the beginning of 2014, I registered on another website and was clean - by this I mean really clean - for almost 60 days. That was my best so far. 
But I relapsed heavily and turned my back on the forum. That just sent me further down the spiral because obviously, talking to folks with similar problems was more important to me than I expected.
So this it. I will try to be active every day in order to remind myself that I have to fight this addiction 24/7.
Thank you for reading this. I appreciate it.

Yours
Jack

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Milestones taken since I've joined RebootNation:

1 week (7 days, 3x)
2 weeks (14 days, 3x)
3 weeks (21 days)
4 weeks (28 days)
5 weeks (35 days)
6 weeks (42 days)
7 weeks (49 days)
8 weeks (56 days)
9 weeks (63 days)
10 weeks (70 days)
11 weeks (77 days)
12 weeks (84 days)
13 weeks (91 days)

Overview of days since I've joined RebootNation (goal: no artificial stimulation, MO/sex is allowed):

18th Aug 14: clean
19th Aug 14: clean
20th Aug 14: clean
21st Aug 14: clean
22nd Aug 14: clean
23rd Aug 14: clean
24th Aug 14: clean (1 week)
25th Aug 14: clean
26th Aug 14: clean
27th Aug 14: clean
28th Aug 14: clean
29th Aug 14: clean
30th Aug 14: clean
31st Aug 14: clean (2 weeks)

1st Sep 14: clean
2nd Sep 14: edged a little too much
3rd Sep 14: relapsed, watched P for 1.5 hrs and MO'ed once afterwards (16 days streak ended)
4th Sep 14: clean
5th Sep 14: clean
6th Sep 14: clean
7th Sep 14: clean
8th Sep 14: clean
9th Sep 14: clean
10th Sep 14: clean (1 week)
11th Sep 14: clean
12th Sep 14: clean
13th Sep 14: clean
14th Sep 14: clean
15th Sep 14: clean
16th Sep 14: clean
17th Sep 14: clean (2 weeks)
18th Sep 14: clean
19th Sep 14: clean
20th Sep 14: clean
21st Sep 14: clean
22nd Sep 14: clean
23rd Sep 14: clean
24th Sep 14: edged a little to much and watched unintentionally 10 sec. at P, MO'd to erotic literature (21 days streak ended)
25th Sep 14: MO'd to softcore video on YouTube
26th Sep 14: clean
27th Sep 14: clean
28th Sep 14: clean
29th Sep 14: clean
30th Sep 14: clean

1st Oct 14: clean
2nd Oct 14: clean (1 week)
3rd Oct 14: clean
4th Oct 14: clean
5th Oct 14: clean
6th Oct 14: clean
7th Oct 14: clean
8th Oct 14: clean
9th Oct 14: clean (2 weeks)
10th Oct 14: clean
11th Oct 14: clean
12th Oct 14: clean
13th Oct 14: clean
14th Oct 14: clean
15th Oct 14: clean
16th Oct 14: clean (3 weeks)
17th Oct 14: clean
18th Oct 14: clean
19th Oct 14: clean
20th Oct 14: clean
21st Oct 14: clean
22nd Oct 14: clean
23rd Oct 14: clean (4 weeks)
24th Oct 14: clean
25th Oct 14: clean
26th Oct 14: clean
27th Oct 14: clean
28th Oct 14: clean
29th Oct 14: clean
30th Oct 14: clean (5 weeks)
31th Oct 14: clean

1st Nov 14: clean
2nd Nov 14: clean
3rd Nov 14: clean
4th Nov 14: clean
5th Nov 14: clean
6th Nov 14: clean (6 weeks)
7th Nov 14: clean
8th Nov 14: clean
9th Nov 14: clean
10th Nov 14: clean
11th Nov 14: clean
12th Nov 14: clean
13th Nov 14: clean (7 weeks)
14th Nov 14: clean
15th Nov 14: clean
16th Nov 14: clean
17th Nov 14: clean
18th Nov 14: clean
19th Nov 14: clean
20th Nov 14: clean (8 weeks)
21st Nov 14: clean
22nd Nov 14: clean
23rd Nov 14: clean
24th Nov 14: clean
25th Nov 14: clean
26th Nov 14: clean
27th Nov 14: clean (9 weeks)
28th Nov 14: clean
29th Nov 14: clean
30th Nov 14: clean

1st Dec 14: clean
2nd Dec 14: clean
3rd Dec 14: clean
4th Dec 14: clean (10 weeks)
5th Dec 14: clean
6th Dec 14: clean, read a couple of sex-related articles
7th Dec 14: clean
8th Dec 14: clean, read a couple of sex-related articles
10th Dec 14: clean
11th Dec 14: clean
12th Dec 14: clean (11 weeks)
13th Dec 14: clean
14th Dec 14: clean
15th Dec 14: clean
16th Dec 14: clean
17th Dec 14: clean
18th Dec 14: clean
19th Dec 14: clean (12 weeks)
20th Dec 14: clean
21th Dec 14: clean
22th Dec 14: clean
23th Dec 14: clean
24th Dec 14: clean
25th Dec 14: clean (90 days)
26th Dec 14: clean (13 weeks)
27th Dec 14: clean
28th Dec 14: clean
29th Dec 14: clean