Age 24 - (ED) 73 days: I masturbated during my reboot
Hi everyone, my name is ____, 24, I'm Italian so first of all sorry for my imperfect English. My story so far: I started masturbating to porn when I was 15, around 4-5 orgasm a week but sometimes a lot more, but I never had problems with girls until 4 months ago. I am a very social person, handsome guy, a lot of experience with real girls, I always thought that my porn habit was harmless.
I broke up with my girlfriend in March 2012 after 1 year and half of relationship, sex was insane, fantastic, actually I think I'm pretty talented in this. The problem is, after the broke up I started to masturbate a lot lot more than usual to pornography, about 3 times a day.
4 months ago, November 1 probably, I had an awful experience with a girl, a girl that I knew and appreciate a lot. I just couldn't express my sexuality, my penis didn't respond, I was shocked. I tried with her to have sex about 6 times, only 3 times it worked, but the only way to keep me erect was to stimulate me a lot... and also in these situations I had PE.
I blamed a lot of things, stress, anxiety (but I had anxiety problems and I knew EXACTLY when I'm anxious), health (I'm the healthiest person on earth), problems with her. And then I discovered YBOP.
All right, I decided to stop pornography. Forever. And I'm successful in this. I started on January 6, now I'm almost at 60 days without pornography. A bit of cravings, but I'm really strong-willed.
But the problem is masturbation: I masturbated about 6 times in this 2 months (only sensation, came quicly), I couldn't stop for more than 8 days, however a good progress yes, but I wasn't satisfied. I decided WITH A LOT OF STRENGTH to stop this. Forever. Now I am 11 days no M and I have almost no cravings.
Ok, so, what's the problem? I lived this 2 months in a very stressful way, I am single right now, I have enormous withdrawal symptoms (especially in the first month, including 4 days of HOCD, I was terrified but I started to think that I was homosexual, because of a 1-week total flatline, one of the worst experience in my life). But honestly, I think that I'm not a worst case... why? Because that awful experience with that girl was a lucky sign of alarm, and I stopped this habit before it turned worse (Gary Wilson I will never thank you enough).
Because I had a lot of experience with real girls, and I just totally forget porn (maybe my main problem is masturbation), my flashbacks are about my experiences with girls, I can remove any porn thought in less than a second, meditation really really helps). Around day 20 I started to have morning woods (every week it gets better) and spontaneous erections (it depends from day to day). My sensitivity is excellent, a soft touch was good enough to make me erect.
So? I don't know if I'm cured. Maybe it's because of the anxiety, but I want to have a girlfriend to understand if I'm cured or not, but also I'm afraid to fail. I know that these are not 60 totally straight days (because of the masturbation), so I think I should go for 90 days and then make a point.
Any advice? I still have mood swings, and sometimes I'm depressed, unfortunately I always had a girl by my side, so it's difficult to stay strong (both physically and mentally).
PS - I must say this to everyone who relapse: don't worry, keep going in this. The "porn is not an option anymore" mental state is the best thing ever for you. Stand up, leave your computer alone. Gym, socialize, go out for a walk, eat healthy, improve your culture... it's not about porn addiction, it's about a way of life. Real women are awesome, real sex is awesome. I just want to experience it again. And also you, everyone deserves this.
PPS - I wouldn't recommend this ugly situation to anyone, even my worst enemies.
RECOVERY POST - I am a man again. I'm so proud of myself.
After 73 days away from porn and 16 days away from masturbation today I had sex with my ex-girlfriend. In the last 2 weeks I had a brutal flatline, and just yesterday I was starting to feel a real change in my mood and erection. My libido was returning. Casually, today my ex visited me and we started to talk about our lives, our problems, sexual tension in the air... and then SEX!Three fuckin' times! First time I came in about 5 seconds, quickest sex ever (I was too sensitive, I think it's normal).
After 30 minutes, I had another session, a great one. And then another one. About 10 minutes each one. Each time with condom!
Erections are about 80-90%, I'm not fully recovered yet, but, you know, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Friends, never give up, rebooting works. It really works.
I want to thank Gary Wilson for everything he made and is making for us, as an Italian pharmacist I guarantee you that I will make everything to warn and help people who are struggling with this problem. I want to spread the word, as a man of science I am meant to do this.
I will continue to follow this forum, to help and give tips (and ask for any particular problem).
Slowly I will be 100% and this nightmare will be over. But now I know that it works.
Few tips for everyone:
1) no porn, in every way. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.
2) abstain from masturbation as much as you can.
3) meditation for me is fundamental, every day, about 15-40 minutes, I think it fasted the healing process
4) change your habits, don't be sedentary
5) eat well and do sports.
6) be social. don't bother too much about drinking... a night party with friends is good for your mood. with moderation of course
7) supplementation maybe is useful (l-arginine is good)
8 ) I really suggest to everyone who are struggling too much the support of a psychotherapist. Without one it could be so much more difficult
9) and the last one: hope. I know it's difficult. I cried so much in these days, I had fear to lose everything I believed in. But believe me, we can do it. I did it.
And it's not over yet. Life is hard. It always will be.
But when life leaves us blind, love keeps us kind.
A better person.
6 MONTHS LATER - ED cured, 8 months without porn, but problem with soft pictures
Hi everyone, I decided to return to YBR after a long period of time.
I successfully reeboted after 80 days of no pmo (January 2013 to March), I had successful sex and things went totally well, thanks to this website, my therapist and a lot of struggling.
This summer I started very slowly to masturbate with soft pictures, at the beginning unintentionally such as modeling and lingerie stuff, maybe twice a week. Since I defeated ED my willpower has changed (during reboot I never relapsed), so I found it not harmful for my health.
I still have good morning wood and I am almost sure to have the conditions to have sex with no issues, I feel normal, but I really want to stop this bad habit. I'm afraid to escalate... I hate porn, I'm not even interested in such stuff (I have a sort of psycological wall about it) but the fear remains.
Psychotherapy is still very useful but I find problematic to stop, first all because I have curiosity, often these pictures are even not interesting and I finish to masturbate by only sensations, but it's... not normal.
Any tips? I have k9 and other programs in my devices, but you can't erase soft pictures... it's nearly impossible!
And the greatest discomfort is that I'm not even interested in this, I'm single right now and I need to release my sexual tension, I never escalated but I have problems to manage my sporadic cravings.
It's utopistic to fully manage our sexual urges?
September 07, 2014
Hi guys, I posted so many times in this forum during my first and I hoped only reboot, I started my journey in January 2013 and I regained my erectile functions in March 2013 after 70 days of no porn and a little bit of masturbation (as less as possible). I used to have stronger and stronger erections, sex was good and I was happy again.
Problem is I didn't have sex from May 2013 to August 2014, three weeks ago, so I started developing frustration for not having a girlfriend (I'm good-looking and super-healthy, but I'm basically shy and I had a tough year of work and study). And this summer I relapsed about 5 times with internet porn (I had minor relapses in the previous months with stuff that I thought wasn't harmful).
After all that time without porn I was sure that few sessions wouldn't hurt me at all, but I noticed
-lack of morning wood and spontaneous erections
-weaker erections in general
-difficulty to reach the orgasm during masturbation
-but mostly: I met this WONDERFUL girl this summer and actually she is my girlfriend now, we had sex twice but I noticed that I found difficulty in mantaining erections in some positions... and in general I'm not as strong as I can. Definitely not the best sex of my life. When I'm 100% healthy, I can have sex for hour, literally. Something went wrong.
I'm 26 years old, I'm healthy, I meditate every day, I do sports, I'm supposed to be a good lover.
Obviously something is related to the performance anxiety that almost everyone lives during the first intercourses with a new partner, but I'm strongly sure that porn, even only 5 times in a year, had a very very bad effect on me.
Never fucking again, really. That stuff is poison. I was stupid... I can never fap again.
I don't have any cravings and problems in staying away from it, no anxiety or the terrible abstinence effects I had a year ago, today I think I am about a month away from it, the problem is that the 25th of September I'm going for a week to my girlfriend!
And I don't want to have problems with her, really. I have about 18 days before going to her, I'm having average morning wood and sometimes semi-erections, but it's not good. It could be a looooooot better.
For the first time since my journey started over a year ago, I'm considering the idea of using Levitra. Maybe it isn't necessary, but I don't want to fail. I hate this thing, really, I thought it was over, I was so horny, so vital, so happy of myself.
Guys I'm asking if anyone noticed a faster reboot in cases similar to mine, I can't think that I need another 60-90 days of rebooting, after all I don't have any cravings and I'm not into a flatline/dead penis like a year ago.
Also I'm meditating like crazy and I'm going MONK MODE, I didn't even watch girls on the street, I just want to be awesome with my girlfriend as she deserves.
Ps sorry for my english, I'm italian.
PPs What about kegels? in order to last more I used during these last months to do often reverse kegels, maybe my pelvic floor now is too relaxed, it's strange to have spontaneous erections (good sign for dopamine receptors) but as weak as my (weak) morning wood. I don't want to overcomplicate this but I'm considering even this factor, I hate this situation and I'm angry with myself, it could be a lot better if I decided to never return to porn.
Thank you all guys, stay away from that shit. I was cured a year ago and I will be cured again. And next time I won't make mistakes.