Age 24 - ED: Rebooting has changed my life (plus 2-year update)
Just as the title says, rebooting has changed my life. I'm so thankful for everybody's help on these sites. I've been in contact with Gabe throughout my journey and I owe him a special thanks. I would like to share my experience here in hopes that it encourages some of you. Here's my first post from like 5 or 6 months ago when I was at a very low point in my life...
"I was a really late bloomer in high school so I never had any sexual experience until I was 19 (I'm now 24). I spent those high school years lonely and watching porn.
So I finally "lost my virginity" at 19 at a party. I was drunk and went soft after like 45 minutes. Blamed the booze. 6 months later I met a girl at a club, she took me home. Couldn't get it up. Blamed the booze. 2 years later I was dating a girl and had sex in the pool one night, went soft after 45 minutes. Blamed the water. Tried again in a bed a week later, couldn't get it up. Blamed performance anxiety. Tried with a girl a year later. Couldn't get it up, blamed performance anxiety. Became nervous about sex and feared it would keep happening. I became less and less outgoing and more nervous around women.
A year later I met an amazing girl and was too nervous to put the moves on her. She gave me the green light several times and I bitched out. We still had a great summer together, then we went our separate ways for college. She started dating some new guy and hasn't talked to me in 6 months. I keep thinking she could have been "the one" and that I've let my sexual issues ruin my life. I've been stressed the hell out about it, but am finally starting to let it go.
Anyways, I finally found out about NoFap and think that PMO behavior has been the source of all my problems. I had no problem giving up porn and will never go back to it again. I've been having a much tougher time giving up masturbation.
I noticed raging libido after one week of abstaining, then a wet dream, then a libido flatline from hell for a week. Then I had raging libido again for a few days. I fapped for the first time after 27 days and regretted it. I'm now back in a flatline.
Over Spring Break (this last week), I had a beautiful girl in the bed after a party. We were both very drunk so I was worried I wouldn't get it up again. I was feeling all on her and fingered her a little bit, but my dick was dead. I really wasn't turned on at all, and I know I should have been. I was very disappointed. I was really hoping that I would be good to go after a month without PMO, but I guess not.
Shit has been getting to me more and more after each failure. I've been bodybuilding for a couple years and have gotten in really good shape, so now I'm getting really hot girls and can't ever seal the deal. It's driving me crazy. Everything I've been wanting is right in front of me, and I'm ready to take it."
Since this post, I went home from college for the summer. I still avoided porn and masturbation like the plague. I'm going to share some of my successes from this summer and hope you find them encouraging. Sorry if it sounds like bragging. I would never want to cause anybody the kind of pain I used to feel.
so... I started going out to bars with my friends and approaching women more often. So on day 60 I went to a club, got hammered, talked to girls, struck out, and was getting in a cab to go home. Some drunk ass MILF was outside the bar and I started chit chatting with her. Next thing I know, she's getting in the cab with me and my friend.
*WARNING* the following is a true and awesome story, but I tried not to spare any details in hopes that it can help some of you. I hope it isn't too hot and sends anybody over the edge or anything. I'm telling this with good intentions.
Anyways... we got back to the house, my friend went to bed, and me and her were sitting on the couch. Honestly, I don't remember exactly what happened, but I knew I wanted to have sex with this woman. Like... really wanted to (like I was supposed to). Somehow we started making out, clothes are coming off, and she was on top of me. I wasn't panicked like I normally would be when about to have sex. I normally focused on what I supposed to be doing, or what if I don't get hard, or what if I'm not any good, etc. For once, I had a frickin boner when I needed it. I licked my fingers and wet my tip, and she put it in. PIECE OF CAKE!
We were both drunk and it wasn't the greatest sex by any means, but real goddamn sex for once. I was very drunk, but my D stayed up like it was supposed to all along. She didn't realize that she was ending a 2.5 year dry spell for me. (quick comment about the feeling of a vagina... overrated. Guess I was used to my hand with more pressure or something.) Being that I was drunk and that I was used to a firmer grip with my hand for the last few years, it took over and hour before I could reach orgasm. But I finally did and it was fantastic. She caught a cab home, and I never saw her again. Her name was Page.
The next day my boys were congratulating me and asking me about it. For once, I didn't have to lie about what happened. I actually brought that chick home and has sex with her. I felt like a freakin man. This was a good day.
So that night we went out again to a different club. This place was more mellow where you could have a conversation with someone. We were gonna play pool, so I suggested my friend and I get 2 girls to play as our partners (good idea). I expected to get shot down a few times, but eventually find a girl. So I walked up to the first cute girl I saw at the bar and asked if she wanted to be my partner, she said yes. Well alright then.
We went and played pool, who cares who won? I was just scheming on getting this girl back to my friend's house. I said that we had more beer there and could go party after the bar closed. She said she wanted to go and was bringing her friends. DEAL.
We get in a cab, she sits on my lap. Things are looking up. We get back, played some drinking games and talked a bit. Eventually me and her went away from the group and made out. Next thing I know, she says she wants to have sex with me somewhere. Holy shit, this is too easy. I didn't have a bed to take her to though, so she suggests we go in the bathroom. I told her I might be too drunk, and she said it would be fine. We undressed, and I was a good 50% hard already. With zero foreplay, she just bends over. I kind of panicked again because I wasn't sure it was hard enough to go in her. (Quick tip: Wet your tip and it'll go right in). So I wet it, and it went right in. Definitely wasn't very hard for a few minutes, but it was working. She got tired so we went to the couch. The other people were outside so we got under a blanket and got back to business. Again, I was drunk so the sensation wasn't very strong. It took a good 20 minutes or more before I felt close to orgasming. She was on top and stopped right before I made it. I told her I was almost there so she got back on, but I had lost it. Heartbreaker. She was leaving town the next morning, so I said goodbye and wished her well. I don't remember what her name was...
So the next day my boys were congratulating me... again. I told them the details and received high fives all around. I felt like a freakin man... again. We went to the beach all day and partied. This was a good day... again. haha.
I struck out at the bar for a few more weeks then eventually had sex with my friend's roommate after leaving a club. She was pretty fat and I didn't want to do it, but I knew I needed all the practice I could get. I went for about an hour but couldn't finish. whatever. I didn't tell my friends about her for months. ehhh
Then about 2 weeks after that, I saw this really slutty (but pretty) girl that I knew. We exchanged numbers and I ended up seeing her at a bar that weekend. We got back to my friend's house, the party was going on in the living room so she took me to a back room and... you get the point. This was the prettiest girl yet, but I was drunk again and couldn't finish. We went for a good 40 minutes and my D stayed up and stronger than ever, but just couldn't get there. BUMMER.
The next day (day 95 of NoFap) I was frustrated because I had sex with 3 girls in a row but couldn't finish. I decided to have a fap and it was glorious. I made sure to keep a really loose grip and not use lotion and no porn of course. I wanted my mind and body to become trained to the sensation of a vagina.
I started seeing this really beautiful asian girl (a virgin), and hung out with her a bunch of times. She didn't party like me and my friends tho, so I didn't get to hang out with her drunk. It fell apart after about a month, so I had wasted all that time on one girl that didn't even sleep with me. Very disappointing.
During that month, I fapped maybe once or twice. Still not feeling like I had to or anything. Eventually I got to the point where I was doing it once a week or so. Now I'm back at college and am up to 2-3 times per week and starting to feel like I can't help myself again. So I started NoFap again yesterday. Going for another 30+ days at least before I fap again.
My mind is in a much better place than when I started this journey, but I feel like occasional fapping is making me tame again. I never feel the need to go out and talk to women because I either just fapped yesterday, or will tonight or something. I'm good, I just don't want this to get out of hand again so I'm back on the NoFap Wagon.
A few tips for staying on your NoFap journey:
- Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you're not gonna keep ruining your life because of porn and masturbation.
- I posted on Facebook and told everybody that I was going to do 90 days of abstinence as an experiment. I didn't say why, but it brought up a great discussion about willpower. Everybody was very encouraging and wished me the best.That meant a lot.
- I put events in my phone's calendar to congratulate myself at one week, one month, 2 months, and 90 days. Put the pressure on yourself and hold yourself accountable
- Realize that this is a life changing thing you've stumbled upon and it's worth any suffering you might endure. (good news is that after a week or 2, you don't even want to jerk anymore)
A few tips for having sex:
- Don't overthink it. It's the simplest thing in the world if your penis is hard. and rebooting will make your penis hard when it needs to be.
- WET THE TIP! People never explained this to me when I was a young lad. I tried to do it dry with a girlfriend years ago and it wouldn't go in. I started panicking, and I went soft. Make it easy on yourself and wet the tip before you put it in.
- Keep a condom in your wallet. I was so used to never having sex that I quit bringing one with me when I went out. Then I didn't have one when I should have. I just did it anyway, but thats how you catch something.
- Don't focus on your boner. Just think that even if you don't get hard, you'll still make sure she has a good time. and she's not gonna have a good time if you're depressed that your willy won't go up. So IF it fails to go up, don't sweat it. play with her V, lick, etc. Focus on her body and what a work of art the female form is. It might actually go up if you stop thinking about it, so just focus on her.
- Don’t put the V on a pedestal. Half of people have a vagina, and it’s not special. It doesn’t feel as good as you might expect if you’ve been tight grip masturbating.
I'm sure there are many more things I would like to tell you guys that I can't think of right now, but I think this post is long
enough already. haha.
I'm sorry for the graphic details and I hope it didn't arouse anybody too much. I didn't want it to come off as bragging or anything because I know how it can feel to hear somebody else's success when your struggling. This transformation has meant the world to me and I can't really put it into words how grateful I am for having done it. I wish you guys all the luck in the world and feel free to comment or ask me anything.
UPDATE - Update: 2 Years Clean
I've been off the boards for awhile. After curing myself I kind of got on with my life. I feel a little selfish in that I haven't done more to help the next group of guys that are trying to recover. I'm here if you have any questions. I hope this doesn't come off as bragging, because I remember a time when I would get really down on myself when hearing about others' sexual conquests. I mean in the most inspirational of ways. Anyways, here's my story...
I found out about PIED when I was 24 years old (now 26). From 16-24 I masturbated to porn almost daily. I struggled to have sex for years. I just didn't feel aroused when it came time to seal the deal. I thought the girls were beautiful, but my D just wasn't responding. It was terrible. I blamed alcohol, nerves, the mood, etc. Once I discovered the real source of the problem, I gave up porn instantly. I did HARD MODE for 94 days (sort of). 60 days in, I had sex with some chick from the bar and reached orgasm with a partner for the first time ever. It was an epic milestone in my life. The next night... hooked up with a different girl from a different bar! I couldn't believe it. haha. A couple weeks later I slept with another girl, then another. I got with 4 girls from days 60 - 94. I was so stoked at the simple ability to have sex. It was something I really wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do.
Since my reboot, I've tried to be a good boy and avoid porn like the plague. I've had my slip ups where I stumbled across something hot and looked something up, and... PMO. Each time it happened, I was filled with regret and avoided it for months. Over the last 2 years I've slept with 5 more women, (9 since starting my reboot). Most of the times I was really drunk and still had difficulty keeping an erection and reaching orgasm. I never really had a consistent sexual partner that would help me "rewire".
I've tried other things to train my brain/body for real sex. I've tried hard to make masturbation more like sex. That's one of the toughest things I've dealt with since my reboot. I don't like to masturbate for a long period of time. I kind of just want to get it out of the way so I can concentrate on other things. This can lead to too tight of a grip and unnatural stimulation. A real vagina is much less stimulating, especially with a condom on. I think it's really important that people use lube/ lotion and a loose grip. Maybe incorporate both hands to keep constant light contact. Take your time!
Anyways, I think I've ranted enough. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or if you just want to vent to someone. I'll try to get on here every couple of days to check in.