Age 25 - 90 day report: Time to start my engine.
The revered 90 days has made its appearance on my badge today. SUCCESS!
Many other 90day fapstronauts have made wonderfully eloquent and inspiring posts, talking about their personal battle and the benefits they've recieved from the nofap journey. At this point, I may not have much origonal content to add to the nofap discussion but anybody who's lasted 90 days deserves the opporatunity to reflect and learn from the experience. Perhaps inspiring others to go on their own journey. So without further adieu... my nofap adventure:
My PMO Historytl; dr: Porn and fapping was at least a once a week problem. The shame and frequency of it was personally too much and I knew it was a potential seed to a bigger problem if not controlled. PMO got in the way of me being a confident man and it effected the way I lived life and looked at women. It had to stop.
The state of my nation:I've gone 3 months without jerkin' my gherkin and the way I feel is exuberant compared to day 1 through 65. The periodic testosterone boosts and emotional fluxuations, (ranging from the lowest lows to the highest highs) have dramatically leveled out. I feel consistently calm, focused and most importantly, in control with who I am and how I choose to spend my time. The idea of fapping seems strange and alien these days. It makes me think, why would I want to do that again? I never felt great after a fap. Even if guilt didn't come with it, I still felt empty in more ways than one. Creativity, passion, confidence and energy would always dwindle for days, all for a 20 second high. Fapping used to be the easy button for battling loneliness, depression, boredom and sexual frustration. Now, looking back at myself before nofap... it's clear that fapping was a massive contributor to all of those issues in the first place. I know, right?
Having abstained, I have more control and stability in my life. Personal confidence happens more often than not and as well all know, confidence is a powerful thing. It sets the stage for action and success; not only in relationships with women but also supports a general jua de vivre when approaching new opportunities and personal challenges. NoFap doesn't automatically give you the answer to everything, but it has cleared a disgusting mental fog so I may find my own answers...
NoFap To The Future! NoFap giants, faparinoo and SmartSuka have brought to my attention that life still goes on after 90 days. So I've been wondering what I'll do in the days ahead. If there is anyone like me out there, I'll share my opinion so that any like-minded folks can help come to a decision themselves.
As I type this, I'm in my mid 20's. I've never been in a real relationship before and my entire sexual experience can be summed up with one or two kisses. While I'm aware of how pathetic that may seem to some, I refuse to let my limited experience define who I am as a man because there is so much more to life than putting dink in the pink. It's my own fault for being as inexperienced as I am because the choices I've made have not led me to to fulfilling relationships. They've led me to my computer, masturbating like a disgruntled monkey.
At first, I was concerned that my participation in r/NoFap would be detrimental to my performance capability whenever I lose my virginity. That I should reintroduce fapping into my life to battle sensitivity. (A boost in sensitivity is one of the benefits of NoFap). I've accepted the fact that yes, I'm probably going to be terrible, and that's OK! I'll do kegels and plan that whoever takes my virginity will have my heart first. Corney? Perhaps. The right choice for me? Absolutely.
Continuing down the path of PMO, dulling my sensitivity in order to please my first lover seems horribly unhealthy. For the longest time, I've used PMO as a band-aid to patch the gaps my heart feels on a daily basis. I imagine that finding a woman to love and be intimate with, seeing and feeling everything she has to give to me for the first time, will be thousands upon thousands of times more fulfilling than all the porn in the world. If I had hundreds of images/videos in my head to compare her to, it would cheapen it immensely. Without a library of porn in my brain, that woman, whoever she may be, will rock my fucking world. If she's a good person, she'll be patient enough so that I eventually rock hers in return (which is what I'd want most in the first place). If I dulled myself with porn and fapping, losing my virginity would be the equivalent of getting the Art merit badge in the boy scouts. Big, fucking, deal.
Why I won't fap again. In the end, fapping doesn't give me anything of value. There is no fulfillment in the act. It does the exact opposite. Fapping pacifies me. It puts me in a state where I can just cope. I've never put effort in finding a real, loving, passionate relationship... and it's been the one thing I've always wanted. The way I saw the world was becoming more and more unhealthy. Women started to become sex objects first and people second. It only took 70-90 days for me to drop sex as the first thing on my mind. Now it seems as it should. A singular expression towards someone you love. I haven't found her yet but nofap has given me a metaphorical car full of gas to start looking.
Time to start my engine.
LINK - DAY 90. My journey begins...
UPDATE - Honesty: The best policy
Dear fellow fapstronauts,
I'm writing this with a heavy heart with the intention of being honest with you all. This community deserves it and I'd hate to be misleading about my progress and subreddit badge 'status'. After 125 days (starting on the release of skyrim oddly enough) my nofap streak is at an end.
Keep in mind, I didn't fap last night. What I did was that I made the concious decision to continue clicking through an nsfw subreddit beyond the point of no return. I eventually popped on visual stimuli alone. As intense as it was, it wasn't fulfilling.
There wasn't much guilt I felt while browsing, before or after. Except there was dissapointment, knowing I'd be letting down the r/nofap with a 'defeat' post. A part of me thought I needed some kind of release. I've been a strange mess lately, putting pressure on myself for my single status, looking at most women like a hungry dog as well as an unexplained twitch in my eye. I could list more excuses but in the end thats all they are.
The thing is, I don't feel defeated this morning. 4 months is an accomplishment, it's the longest I have ever gone. I've improved my life and strengthened a positive habbit with nofap and I will absolutely continue. I WILL NOT go back to PMO. It's definitely the way to go. I've slipped up a bit but at this rate, it will be a forgotten speedbump when I've reached the next 4 month mark.
In the end, I'm ashamed and worried that all of my encouragement and support I've given at r/nofap may appear to be invalid now, since I've reset my badge. I just needed to be honest with you all. It helps a man grow.
EDIT/UPDATE: Hi all! Thank you for your support. This community is fantastic. I just thought I'd mention how my day went, having the idea of my streak gone down the tubes.
As I woke up this morning, I instantly thought what I was up to the night before and even though I wasn't struck with guilt, I still regretted it. As I went through my day, the idea of letting myself down like that was a prominant one. I was worried that my release would destroy that feminine magnatism and confidence which nofap helped build. Most importantly, the images browsed, (albeit tame ones) were floating around my head. I was left with a strong sense of dissapointment and regret. A sense of connection is faked with porn and feeling that disconnect after the fact is unfulfilling to the core.
The physical changes I've noticed so far is an over all lightness, especially in the balls, lol. It really feels like I lost some life giving energy/aura, if you will. As if a piece of me I was saving for all that time is gone and I can feel the difference. It's not a comfortable feeling. It feels like I could have used it better.
Thankfully, I still feel just as confident as I did before. After a while, confidence became a habbit and as far as I can tell, it wont go anywhere any time soon. Any lack of confidence usually followed worrying about my broken streak and the idea that I'd lose footing in progress/confidence itself.
To close, I'd like to point out that while having a release may have been benificial for me. I strongly feel that the porn was not. For me, porn is much more of a step backwards than fapping is. I'm still going to continue abstaining from both. It truely is for the best.
Thanks again and godspeed on your nofap journey!