Age 25 - This has improved my sex life by more than I knew was even possible
ONE HUNDRED AND THREE DAYS, MOTHERF*CKERRRRRS! - Hooooly shit I never would've thought this is possible! I broke a habit that I've been carrying around with me for pretty much my entire life!
I'd like to shout out a big "Thank You!" to everyone who shares stories and advice on here and posts links to enlightening videos and articles about PMO and keeps people motivated - we've got a great thing going here!
(also, I think I'm mostly done with the foul language now, just very excited about TRIPPLE DIGITS ON MY COUNTER, MOTHERF... )
1. Where I came from I started fapping at age 5 (yup, that means kindergarten), started watching porn at 13. From 20-25 (I'm 25 now) I spent something around 1-3 hours of PMO every day. Then I started noticing ED showing up frequently, noticed I could only come during sex when thinking about P and realized it always took me forever to reach an orgasm (especially during sex but also with PMO). Also I noticed the P I watched had gotten increasingly weird and had nothing to do anymore with what I really wanted in bed. I'm not entirely sure I was actually addicted to PMO, since I got through my reboot on my very first real try and I've read stories on here about people who were doing MUCH worse than I was. But I know for sure it was too much and I was suffering from it.
2. The first steps I started off slowly and only abstained from P but not MO. This is something many people on here don't recommend and I don't think I would either. For me it was perfect though, because these 40 days (it was during lent) made me realize how much of a significant and HORRIBLE influence porn had had on my mind. I noticed I couldn't MO without thinking about P. I noticed how similar I had become to a lab rat: I'd immediately get hard as soon as I would lay in bed and turn my tablet pc on (Oh, Don Jon...). Luckily I found NoFap shortly before my 40 days were over and decided to do an entire 90-day-reboot.
The first weeks were tough, I often questioned the point of this entire thing because I had trouble falling asleep and lying in bed with a boner but not allowing myself relief seemed like torture. If I could go back in time to these moments, I'd slap my past self in the face so hard. Youuuu whiny little baby! Actually no, my past self pulled through, so I'd pat it on the shoulder. Good job, past-self! You got me to where I am now! Where is that, you ask? It is AWESOMELAND!
3. First glimpses of light After getting over the first bumps and flat-lining (it sucks but it passes), I started noticing the first positive changes:
I was still horny pretty much 24/7 but I noticed, I wasn't longing for PMO anymore but I was longing for actual sex with a real person. I was thinking about girls I personally knew, not some pixelated plastic dolls anymore. This was the first sign of my brain starting to rewire and that was VERY motivating!
I shifted my focus on women. I stopped looking at girl's boobs/butts/legs and started noticing much more interesting things about them. Smiles, gestures, the way they walk, etc. I essentially have more fun looking at women now. I don't feel like a creep with a secret perverted second sex life anymore!
It was somewhere around 6 weeks or so, when I started to have more luck with the females. The funny thing is, I wasn't even feeling that much more self-confident then. I remember though, about 2 years ago, I was complaining to a close friend about how I hated being single for so long. His reply was "Dude, but you're not even trying!". Back then I denied that but now I see that he was right. Why bother trying to flirt when you can just go home and PMO instead? Just try and see what happens when your brain starts to realize that this is not an option anymore...
4. Beat the final boss and acquire super powers! Very close to reaching my goal of 90 days, I got a cold (... from making out with a cutie. Totally worth it!). Being sick made it a lot harder to stay away from PMO. Although I was already very far into my reboot, all of the sudden I felt urges pretty much as strong as during the first couple of weeks! It took a lot of will power to pull through this but I eventually made it. And then I realized I had acquired super powers that I could barely even control. At some point I was dating five girls at a time. I stopped seeing one of them, decided to just be friends with another one, noticed I was mostly interested in one girl specifically and then went to a concert and took another girl home. Shit's spinning out of orbit, I'm currently trying to fix that. I don't want a bunch of randome one-night-stands, I want something meaningful with ONE girl. I'm just not yet used to all the attention and it's difficult do deal with this in a morally acceptable way.
5. So what about the sex? I had sex three times within the last 103 days. The first time was after 60 days and the second and third time were on my 100th day. I don't even know how to properly describe the experience. The first time was great. No ED, no thinking about porn, no taking forever to come, just very intense, great sex. The second time was not from this planet. I was so... there. Completely lost in the action. The orgasm was the most intense, crazy, overwhelming, powerful feeling I ever experienced in my life. But the best thing about it was that she was enjoying it in the exact same way as I did. So if you have a girlfriend, add this to your motivation: she will benefit from this, too! NoFap has improved my sex life by more than I knew was even possible.
6. Tips on how to get through a reboot
- Shit ain't gonna be easy. If you're looking for easy, call your mom. Just kidding. Don't be looking for easy. Easy is boring. Exploring borders of your own will power is exciting!
- COMMITMENT IS KEY. This is what got me through. I wanted to change with every cell in my body. This doesn't mean I never questioned my motives but my motives were always stronger than my doubts. If you're not 100% committed, you will fail. Do it all the way. Delete your porn collection, don't edge, don't fantasize vividly, set up strong reasons why you want to do this and embed them into your life. Make sure you understand the amount of work you will have to put into this and decide if you think the benefits you hope for are worth it.
- Get information! Get it for example here or here. I've had always had a bad feeling about PMO somewhere in the back of my head but I could never really fully grasp it. Once I finally read about all the negative side effects and realized they applied to me, it wasn't as hard anymore.
- Get motivation! Read through the stories on here. Get negative motivation ("Oh gawd, that story was depressing, I don't ever wanna end up like that guy!") but definitely get positive motivation as well (I love the Success Stories section!).
- Your mind will often try to convince you that you're too weak to pull through this. Don't listen. You are much stronger than your mind sometimes tries to make you believe.
- Try out a new hobby! If you're a little like me, you have at least one hour more free time per day now. Use that for something useful! I always pick up my guitar when I get urges. So pick an instrument, try out new sports, join a gym, go for walks to get to know your city, start cooking, read, write, paint, learn a foreign language, learn about astrophysics... Whatever you do, your time is spent in a much better way than with PMO.
- Cold showers are urge KILLERS and also fun! I take a cold shower every morning and feel like a real man afterwards. 8:30am and I've already accomplished something! Also, will power is a muscle that grows with practice. Start with small exercises and work your way up to the hard ones.
- In case of relapsing? Click here. Tell yourself out loud what you need to do now ("This is work/study/sleep time. Not play-time."). Think about the moment right after relapsing. Think about how it would feel to look in the mirror tomorrow when you DON'T relapse right now.
- Wanna get rid of a boner? Flex your muscles. I get in a sitting position and flex my thighs. 30 seconds and everything is hanging loose again.
- DO NOT TOUCH IT. As simple as that. As long as you don't touch it, nothing can happen. Keep your hands out of your pants unless it's for washing or for peeing. It's your last line of defense and it's the strongest weapon you have. Seriously, you're safe as long as... PUT THAT APPLE PIE DOWN RIGHT NOW! You get what I mean. Any sort of bakery/vacuum cleaners/fleshlights are included into this rule.
7. So what do I do now after my reboot? I'm not going to start another counter. A counter is great for a start but I don't want to have a goal in mind anymore, I just wanna live on now. I've got NoFap integrated into my life and I don't see why I should change it. Maybe I will at some point in the future and that would be ok, too. Because I know I would have to have some very strong reasons for it. Currently I can't think of any, but who knows what the future will bring. Now it's time for less worrying about it, more happily living with it.
TL;DR Fuck you, lazy ass! I worked my way through 103 days without masturbation! The least you can do is take 15 minutes of your time to acknowledge that shit! I even put shit into paragraphs with headlines n all!
BY - Captain B