So a girl at my hostel I liked for ages spent the night in my bed last night. One thing I noticed was my attitude towards her. I’ve been a sex obsessed weirdo for as long as I can remember.
Porn had taught me that women were objects. I lusted over them and objectified them, it sounds awful, but it’s true.
When I met a girl my initial thoughts weren’t “who is she?” “What has she experienced” “I want to get to know this girl and enjoy her company. All I thought was, “She’s hot, how can I get her into bed”. The ironic thing is as soon as I managed to get them into bed I was worse than useless as I couldn’t get it up thanks to the 3-4 hours a day of hardcore porn I was watching. Pathetic.
I’ve had a few long streaks ranging from 30 days to my record of 72 days. This time is different though. I can feel a shift in my attitude. The girl I mentioned earlier has been interested in me for a while. Everyone told me all the time and the feeling was mutual. But my intentions with her were not sexually orientated.
I wasn’t desperate to get her into bed, instead I felt more like a real man. I was confident, I knew it would happen eventually so I didn’t need to pressure her, since no pmo. I’m brimming with confidence. I walk taller, I speak louder, I’m just more masculine and didn’t feel as though I had to make it happen quick before she moves onto someone else. Why would she want someone else? I’m the man! (Sorry if I sound arrogant but it’s just the way I feel now.) Instead I wanted to take my time, I wanted to get to know her, to enjoy being around her, to learn about her likes and dislikes. As I said, I knew it wild happen eventually, but when it did, it wouldn’t be because I aggressively pursued her like a dog on heat, it would be on her terms, when she wanted to, and I wanted it to be amazing for her, not for me.
Anyway, I’ll get back to the point. She climbed in my bed to watch a film last night. I felt my heart speed up as soon as she lay next to me, so I just went in for the kiss and oh my god! My heart started pounding. It was almost comparable to the feeling you get watching porn, except it wasn’t a dirty feeling. It felt natural.
One thing led to another and we realised we had no condoms. She got up to go to her room and get some. She was gone a few minutes but I had 100% erection the whole time, I couldn’t believe it, no visual or physical stimulation for a few minutes but my heart was still racing and I was still hard, just the prospect of sex with this girl was enough, and I can’t tell you what a feeling that is, it makes the whole hellish torturous process of no pmo completely worth it.
Now then, here’s the catch. No sexual stimulation for 50 days has left me somewhat sensitive. I came in literally a minute, which is depressing to say the least. Any experience with PE after no pmo guys? I feel like I’m almost there if I could just get over this last hurdle!
I’ve lost count with everything that’s been going on but I’m currently sat at around the day 50 mark.
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