Age 26 - 90-day report and 250-day update vlog
Vlog: 250 days of Nofap/NoPorn/NoOrgasm
Last year, a blog I frequent known as Roissy/Chateau Heartiste had a comment posted by one of it's many intelligent followers. He described his woe with females, and that as a result he gave up on them totally; to focus on Meditation, weight lifting, reading and music practise. He also stopping masturbating regularly, only doing it "rarely". And then something magical happened. He described women suddenly being drawn to him, they found him irresistible. He attributed it to raising his sexual market value through personal development, and also claimed that women could somehow sense he didn't jerk off. Intrigued and inspired, I told myself this was the way forward.
I had previous experience with abstinence before, on account of going 14 days without due to lost drive for anything in life (including self-pleasure). When day 14 arrived, I became worried I'd lose my sex drive completely and took care of myself before that happened. So, bearing that in mind I took "rarely" as once or twice a month. I tried this for some time, not really getting anywhere but excusing myself because I felt like I was the only one forcing abstinence on myself.
Then, on the same blog some followers started talking about yourbrainonporn.com. Usually shot down as new-age mumbo-jumbo, I never checked out the content and remained ignorant of it. That was, until I discovered the Official Nofapthread V2.
Never has a discovery had such a profound effect on my life. The only one forcing abstinence on myself? Once or twice every month or I'll lose my sex drive completely? How about an entire community? HOW ABOUT GOING WITHOUT FOR 90 DAYS.
I watched Gary Wilson's videos. I read the experiences of other people. Everything made sense. I've only had two sexual partners, and I had problems climaxing with both. I went 6 years without sex, but didn't care because there was always a computer and high speed internet waiting for me at home. I knew what had to be done.
90 days later, here I am. I've not edged once, never viewed pornography and due to remaining single I haven't had one orgasm. I feel incredibly empowered at this moment in time, I am well known amongst my peers for limiting pleasure in my life (I believe it strengthens the mind). I haven't drank soda for years, I quit chocolate 2 years ago and sweets one year ago. I felt like the next thing to quit was masturbating, but deemed it impossible. Now I know the truth.
And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasn't one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart? With joy in your heart? If you can do that gentleman - then you're perfect.
Someone posted that on one of the old threads. I listen to that every day, it's one of the greatest gifts I have received from my time on here. I wish everyone I knew could see that, and take at least half out of it what I have taken.
So, what has happened in 90 days?
- Increased confidence.
- Stepping up my game at work- Leading to a promotion.
- Being able to handle increased stress due to having a clear head (untainted by thoughts of jerking off to porn)
- No longer feeling shame associated with pornographic aided masturbation, encouraging eye contact.
- Having a broader range of what women can be considered "attractive"
- Being encouraged to have, and enjoy random interactions with girls.
- Realising masturbation is not essential to living.
- Experiencing lucid, sexual dreams that completely blow you away.
So what happens now?
My original plan was to hit 90 days, and take care of myself. However after 50 or so days I realised I couldn't go back. Just like with my 6 year cold spell after 2 years I just couldn't imagine having sex again, I can't imagine masturbating again.
My next plan was to make a few dating website profiles, go on speed dating events, cold approach etc. and see if I connect with someone and have a meaningful, healthy sex life so I'll never have to masturbate again. However, I feel like I could keep this up for at least another 110 days. There's a part of me that wants to see how long I can go for without a single orgasm, and if I up the ante with girls I'll never see what I could accomplish in terms of celibacy.
I am on the fence about this...but I have acquired some sexual interest from an individual lately and she might end up making the decision for me.
I'll wrap this up with a final statement.
We are all posting on this website because we want to improve our cardiovascular health, change our body composition, and increase our strength. This takes work, dedication and consistency. But, on the other hand we have evolved to lift things, run across vast plains. Resistance training and cardiovascular endurance releases hormones beneficial to our brain chemistry, and can result in an addiction of sorts.
We have not evolved to abstain from pleasure. Not jerking is anti-addiction. Refraining from masturbation does not release beneficial chemicals, in fact your brain will do everything in it's power to combat your decision. It is for this reason I feel nofap needs a far superior mentality than you would bring in a typical workout. Find that mentality. Own it.
There's so much more to this life, than using your hands to ejaculate away one of the things that actually lead to life itself.
Hey everyone, this happened a couple of weeks ago and I never got around to posting it. This is an edited version of a post I submitted to another forum I frequent, I've omitted some information which I thought the demographic of this board might be uncomfortable reading, and some which is irrelevant.
I'll start the story with a disclaimer. For those who are unfamiliar with me, this is my first streak of Nofap/Noporn. I never opted for "hard-mode", celibacy or whatever you choose to call it; I simply never had an opportunity for physical intimacy. I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 months around from early January, but logistics and other circumstances prevented us going beyond hanging out in a public place.
Anyway due to a number of variables, I decided to experiment with dating apps/websites. I hardly have high expectations with them, I know people get some modicum of success on there but it's always my belief that high expectations have an equally high potential for disappointment.
With most dating software these days, you can express interest in someone by simply clicking a button, it pops up on their notifications and you can either send them a message of simply express interest back and go on from there.
The girl in this story, expressed interest in me. I obliged, and sent a message. As her responses were rather short, I suspected her of being a bot and asked her what the capital of Canada was; "Ottawa". As a result she was either genuine, or had advanced auto-response coding. Either way the instant compliance was peculiar, but I kept communicating with her, and discovered she finds it difficult to communicate at all due to her English-speaking proficiency.
-She's on the site to prevent boredom and only wants to talk; no sex or relationships.
-I'm perfectly okay with that. I may have gone a long time without, but it's helped me tame my libido and reflect on how unimportant sexual release is.
-We connect really well, in-fact she's never talked to anyone like me before. Her experience with guys is them only interested in one thing and never engaging and deep and meaningful conversation. She's never felt so trusting or comfortable about anyone, and she can't place why she feels as such.
-Discuss meeting up but she flies back home "indefinitely" in a week. There's already approx a 100km distance, too. Also one of her biggest fears, is becoming close to someone and then being abandoned or pulled away.
-I am the opposite, I'd rather have the experience, regardless of how short and cherish it rather than avoid and potentially regret doing so. I manage to instill this philosophy in her.
-I attempt to visit her, but we struggle to find time she herself is comfortable with.
-She comes here instead, for a few days.
As you may imagine, before we met we had a mature and adult discussion about what we go down while we were in each others company. She was adamant we wouldn't do anything sexual-I told her I wouldn't want her to do anything she's uncomfortable with, and if something did happen it would be because it felt right. I would certainly never abandon her.
Now I know what a lot of the experienced gentlemen may be thinking, especially those familiar with the PUA community. When a girl states she's not going to have sex with you, it means the thought has crossed her mind but she's just afraid you're only after one thing; so is looking for reassurance of the contrary by insisting nothing is going to happen. Whether it actually does or not, is all down to the moment.
However there's another variable to this- She had zero sexual experience, not even experimentation on her own.
So with all that in mind, I didn't anticipate anything. In-fact for a while there was a part of me that would have refused any opportunity with any girl up until the 365 day mark, just to say I had gone a full year without sexual release beyond Nocturnal Emissions. But I felt close to this girl, and didn't want to reject her if that moment arose for something so arbitrary. Not to mention it might the the only chance for months, maybe even years that I got to see if I've had any kind of recovery. But maybe nothing would happen anyway and the choice would be made for me.
Back to our discussion: Anything sexual was off the cards, but we "might" kiss. She was "considering" it, in-fact it actually became a bit of an in-joke between us. When she arrived, she was very nervous but I initiated physical contact almost immediately and made her feel comfortable as a result. We held hands, she rested her head against my chest, just like a normal couple. I actually brought her into my workplace and people asked me how long I had known her, because we were "acting like we had known each other for years".
There were a few moments where I could have kissed her, she sensed it too and said "I am still considering whether to kiss you or not". Every time I just held back, smiled, looked into her eyes, and laughed ever so slightly, saying; "you'll kiss me when you're ready".
This is getting a bit long, so I'll get to the important bits.
When we retired to bed, we still hadn't kissed. She ended up asking me why I didn't want to kiss her, to which I told her I did and she responded with "Why don't you try". So, we kissed. And it escalated from there, really.
So what happened?
I got 5 handjobs. I didn't encourage her to touch me, she put her hands there herself. But she said to me "I don't know what I should be doing"-turns out she had never touched a man before. So I had to stimulate myself, in order for her to stimulate me. The irony is astounding, no? For the past 11 months I had been under the impression that if I ever find a woman, I can just keep my hands off and let her do all the work, hopefully after rewiring I can finally ejaculate without being in control. Guess not.
You're probably wondering how it felt, having to masturbate for 2-3 seconds in order to get a handjob. It felt...normal. I didn't feel any shame, no guilt, no disgust. I just found it ironic and laughed it off. It has given me less of a stigma about it all, but to be fair I've developed a pretty huge stigma about masturbation anyway.
Did I ejaculate? Yes. I vividly remember the moment in time when I felt that "connection", you know the one in which if all circumstances persist you're going to reach orgasm. And feeling that singular "mental click", when a girl who has never been with a guy before is in full control of you, it was immense. Suffice to say I gave her verbal cues, and she brought me to orgasm.
This happened every time. After losing my virginity 7 years ago, and having suffered from never having ejaculated unless I am 100% in control and for an extended period of time since, after 11 months of complete abstinence I can finally be fully pleasured by a partner and with little issue. It's also worth noting that my erection quality was amazing, but ED has never really been a problem for me. However I know there are people out there would may expect some reduced quality after so much abstinence, so I'm glad I can use my own account to refute that as opposed to the accounts of others.
So what happens now?
I'm still going to be on Nofap (NoPorn is a give). Those 339 days without any action at all, have been totally worth it. every ****ing day. I'm currently suffering from the chaser effect, especially after having 5 orgasms within 2 days but I know I can blaze through it. I am currently off from work too, but I have plenty here to keep myself occupied.
What happens with the girl? ...I don't know. We are still in contact, and I have been in a relationship with someone in a different country before but this one is a little less accessible. But I know I will cherish the time I did have with her, and I hope she does the same.
Thanks for reading. I put this here, because I don't have a journal yet and it seemed apt.