Age 26 - Day 152: I never felt this alive in my life.
I just realised it's been 5 months since I started NoFap and it really changed my life so I felt like I should give back. So here's my story: I started fapping when I was 8 or 9 and quit this year - at age of 26.
That's at least 17 years of fapping, pretty much double the time I spent not fapping before I started as a kid. I never thought of it as an addiction even though I did it almost daily - it is considered a "normal" thing to do nowadays, isn't it?
I was in a long-term relationship (too many years) with a girl who completely stopped caring about our sex life at the time I decided to start NoFap. We had sex once a month and that is only when she wanted to. Our relationship lasted for so long that I allowed her to see a change in me - at the time I fell in love with her, I was quite a 'bad boy', popular around females but had 0 goals in my life.
Over the years life has tried to crush me a few times and I always went to her, thinking she should be my "support". I changed myself into a responsible nice guy... and made the biggest mistake of my life, allowed myself to:
- put her in the first place before me
- show my emotions and cry out loud like a little bitch in front of her ("real men show their emotions" - yeah right, thanks feminism)
- bought her shit expecting sex
- did shit with/for her expecting sex in return
- fool myself that fapping is better than sex while not getting the sex when I want
Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover and you'll get the point (especially if you had a bad / non-existing relationship with your dad although all guys should read this book even if they don't match the pattern because seeing guys who do will be exciting, especially when you can help someone out). I wish I had someone tell me about this book before, things would probably never have been so bad in the first place.
In the meantime, I fapped on a daily basis (while in relationship) instead of dealing with shit like a man and than started NoFap; I didn't even know it's called NoFap, I just quit porn forever after seeing The great porn experiment TED talk; removed all porn from my computer, blocked all websites in hosts file and said to myself "ok I'm not doing that anymore". Than I took a look at this sub, signed up for the 'challenge' and here I am.
- ~ Day 1 I want to fap, I want to fap, I want to fap. I am an idiot, I quit doing that!
- ~ Day 2 I have to keep myself distracted from fapping, I do random shit, I want to fap, I want to fap, I can't fap, I've quit doing that! etc.
- ~7 days My voice is deeper, I talk to people more openly, little things which I never though will make me happy are starting to make me happy again. Feeling like a child again, have plenty of time to do shit I always procrastinated, life is interesting again.
- ~15 days in Had sex with the (now ex) girlfriend. Truly lame performance, I lasted for 2 minutes or something, didn't give a fuck about how she feels afterwards for the first time in my life. Felt amazing.
- ~30 days in Went to Berlin for 2 weeks to visit a friend and his girlfriend, realised that I'm not looking for a relationship at all (just observing the 2 of them). Was still going through a "I'm still lost" phase.
- ~60 days in I realised that I fooled myself into believing that fapping is a replacement for sex. Broke up my long term relationship. Felt shitty. Felt like a boss afterwards. Still feeling like a boss.
- ~90 days Actually became the boss at my job. My self confidence is 100% back, I feel like myself again. Everything after this was a win and still is.
- Day 152 I never felt this alive in my life. I saved up more than I ever imagined possible and still counting. I keep improving myself in every way possible - I read a lot of non-fiction, I still don't have a girlfriend and don't intend to - I keep a few hot DTF girls around, I work out, I live on my own, I do whatever I want to with my time.
As I was going through the urges stage, I didn't know much about cold showers or any other urge 'releasing' method. Cold showers are one of the best things I started practicing in my life. It's just the moment when you're about to splash yourself with freezing water, remind yourself to man the fuck up.
Keep reminding yourself of this and you'll be the man in a few months. Or a year or two. It doesn't matter how long it takes you. It's your life. You get to choose if you'll live or die. Put yourself in the first place and keep yourself there. And man the fuck up.
LINK - 152 days - Man the fuck up.