Age 26 - (ED) Don’t focus solely on abstaining. Do focus on recovery but with a girl.

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Hey guys,

I just wanted to post a few words about my own journey (it being a success story) and a few words of advice which I think it’s not new but definitely not stressed upon enough.

I’ll be 27 this year. Last year in January I lost my virginity to a pretty random girl who stayed over after the party. I tried with her for the first time after we came back from the party and failed - total ED. I kind of blamed the alkohol for that. In the morning I tried one more time and with the same result. I then suspected it was the porn and I stopped PMO for about a week until her next visit. When she came over, we got at it, I put a condom on a pretty limp dick and somehow managed to summon an erection by rubbing against her. I overdid it and right after I got that erection and put it in, I immediately came. We never tried again. I restarted my PMO routine.

Two and a half months later I came over to this girl’s dorm room. We drank quite a bit of wine. Things got hot and when it came to it… complete ED once again. Stopped PMO completely after that incident. A week later she came over and stayed the night. I don’t remember if at night we tried anything but in the morning while she was laying on her stomach, I got behind and by looking at her, touching her and myself I got hard. I fucked her in this position without a condom. It was awesome! I actually had sex properly. I let myself come after a few minutes. I still didn’t PMO. I was seeing this girl for about 3 more months. After that initial incident I never had much trouble keeping an erection with her. Sometimes I would lose it but it was not a big deal to me, I didn’t think much about it. I remember on our third night she straddled me, I got hard and we had sex. I came really quick but it was my fault, I was focused on my dick the whole time, not on her. We had sex 1-2 times a week on average I’d say. I didn’t really know what I was doing sex-wise, but I had little trouble with my erections. I even got cocky and PMO’d quite a few times between seeing her with no problems. After these 3 months I restarted PMO in earnest.

After her, 2 months later (and 2 months of PMO) I met another girl. I pulled her from a party and that night I was dead down there once again. I was drunk, she was not really doing anything sensual so I didn’t think much about it. About a week later, she stayed over. This time she got horny and all. I didn’t really find her that attractive but still, I had nothing to lose to have sex with her, and who am I kidding, of course I wanted her. Well, I couldn’t do that, no erection. I now think it was partly because of my inability to get myself aroused properly if I find a girl not very attractive. Nevertheless, nothing came out of it then. We never tried again. I resumed my PMO habit.

Some time later (1-2 months of PMO), I had the pleasure of fooling around with two other girls. I didn’t have sex with them but there were times where my erection would have definitely allowed me to do it. I could orgasm through HJ and BJ (them being not very many) even without fantasy. HJ’s and BJ’s were so new to me, so maybe that’s why, similar to my proper sex experiences in the beginning. All the time I was PMOing.

And now the most interesting part, 4 months ago I started seeing my now girlfriend. On our first date, we somehow had sex. I got behind and upon seeing her very nice ass I managed to masturbate myself into an erection with a condom on. We then had sex for maybe at most a couple of minutes with my feeble erection and I finished.  That was not a great experience. I PMO’d one last time the following day and stopped altogether to this day (this is my 118th day of No PMO). We then proceeded to have sex 2-3 times a week I think. At this point I found out about YBOP and YBR. Every time I had to masturbate myself into an erection (if I was lucky and often using fantasy) and as soon as I stopped the stimulation I got soft. If when having sex I was not stimulated in a certain way, I would lose it immediately. She could never be on top of me, it was just not working for me. A lot of times I felt dead down there and my refractory period was of a few days I think, which worked quite well for me, because I was not seeing her every day. I told her on our second date why I couldn’t have a normal, not forced erection. I told her it was because I’d been watching porn movies. She didn’t ask questions, just accepted it. I asked her to have a little patience with me and she agreed. I think I could stop masturbating myself into erection after about 2,5 months. It was then a lot easier to get aroused and get a hard-on.

My situation now:
As of late I’ve been able to get a boner just by kissing and it stays until the penetration most of the time although I have to be somewhat careful to stay in the moment with her. Condoms put on at the right moment are not a problem for me, although they make me come much faster in general. I can have sex in any position, although yet again some make me come really fast. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had to masturbate to achieve an erection (light rubbing usually does it if need be). During my 118-day period of no PMO (with peeking of about 10sec in total during this time) I masturbated (to sensation only, no fantasy, first time ever) one time 21 days ago. Overall I’m very happy with my progress. My refractory period is not super great still, but it slowly gets shorter and shorter. I think it’s almost what could be considered normal, but I don’t really know because my gf doesn’t like a round 2 less than a few hours after the first, and I can handle that quite well. I think that if I found myself in a sexual situation with a new girl, she wouldn't be able to tell that I have some problems with my sexual health. My dick feels more and more alive while flaccid.

My advice:

Don’t focus solely on abstaining. Do focus on recovery but with a girl. If you have PIED, then in my opinion your primary goal should be finding an understanding girl. Only then will have the true motivation to go through it and stop PMO completely. I know for a fact now that if I were to do it without my gf, I would not have done it successfully. I always came back to porn when the girls left. I just didn’t have the motivation to stop on my own. I know a lot of guys are struggling with not only P and now I’m telling you - you don’t have to do it alone. I’m all too aware it can be quite a challenge for us addicted to porn to find a girl (there’s a reason I only lost my v-card last year) but it now should be your priority if your problem is porn. If you want to get rid of the fake stuff (porn) replace it with the real deal (real-life girls). I do have urges to watch porn, not to masturbate to it anymore, but to watch it. I hope these urges will lessen to nothingness in time. Thanks to my gf I’m not horny since I get sex on average 2 times a week now. If I found myself alone once again, I really hope so I would stay away from porn. I’d most likely masturbate only to sensation alone (I can now, wow!) because of my horniness. But I would be vulnerable and it would be my priority to have a girl in my life again. Not only so that I wouldn’t slip but also because it is so cool to have to someone close to you and that someone also happens to be a girl you can have sex with which is very cool as well.

I can not stress it enough. Do everything in your power to get a nice girl. This should be your priority. You should not care if you embarrass yourself when it comes to the deed. It will strengthen you, it will create the necessary leverage to go through the reboot. I’ve seen a lot of guys write that they are not ready, that they should rather wait till they heal. It’s honorable that they don’t want to burden their partner with this addiction. I say this doesn’t matter. You say upfront that you have this problem and if she is not willing to keep you company while you get better, then she’s not worth your time and energy. Like I said earlier, I did it like that and she understood. I realize that a lot of guys are kind of screwed up mentally because of porn and they have difficulties connecting with people. I also had that, but in me it manifested in being very shy and introverted. I never had any depression or experienced a lack of concentration. It was probably because I was invested in my hobby most of the time. Porn was my stress reliever and an occasional boredom killer. My point is, you can get some girl, you have to do it at some point anyway, so why not right away? It will take your focus off PMO also.

Forgive my all over the place thoughts. I just wanted to write about my findings and inspire guys to try something similar to me. Point being, with a girl it’s much much easier. I know I wouldn’t have done it alone.

LINK - My Success Story and My Advice

BY - Xqwzts