Age 26 - I feel like I'm rebooting my life from when I was 12 before I had ever watched porn

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I've always been a numbers man...

Before I started nofap, I masturbated on average 2 times a day. That's 730 times a year. And I have been doing it from the age of 13 which makes it 9490 times. Each one lasted anywhere between 1 and 15 minutes. Let's for arguments sake say 5 minutes on average (inclusive of the clean up and the shame afterwards). 47450 minutes or 791 hours or 32 days. That's at the very least one month of my life masturbating.

Not all of these were spent watching porn but towards the end ALL of them involved watching porn. Really nasty porn, the kind that you would be ashamed to talk to even your closest friends about. Even the ones that had no porn, involved thoughts of porn I had seen earlier. Completely entranced. I can easily work out the time I spent on average masturbating during my life, but I can't (or I'm afraid to) work out how much time of my previous life I spent strangled by the after effects of watching porn. Not only did it waste my precious time and briefly alter my sexuality but worst of all it destroyed my respect for women.

As a 26 year old man, I never had a long-term girlfriend. I have real issues with closeness, commitment and intimacy outside of the bedroom. Anytime I had sex, I imagined the scene of a porno in my head. We all know the routine, it starts with kissing then the breasts, then oral, then on top, then doggy and then a cumshot. They do all the work and then when we're finished we close the laptop, clean up and go to sleep. But she is still there...

It took a movie to start a chain of events that was led me to my 90 day mark. The movie was Don Jon. When the credits rolled, I took out my phone and searched for a community which could help me quit porn. To my surprise there was one there, and it was huge. I read post after post of young men like me who wanted to quit. Reading of people who quit after years upon years of watching porn daily inspired me. So I began.

The first few days were easy, I'd had short breaks before. After a while though I got restless, depressed. I went through phases of irritability, I stayed in my room a lot, afraid of socializing. I still couldn't look at women and the thoughts of porn still clouded my mind each time I seen a beautiful one. I took up gambling one week, spent $2000 in one evening. It's something that I had never considered doing before this period but I can only put it down to a lack of feeling something to live for. I call this my flat-lining period and it lasted at least a month.

What has happened since I got to the other side? I've been exercising daily, I get up full of energy every morning and hit the pavement for a run. Or I lift the shit out of weights in my room. Then I walk to work, I see women on the way but I don't look at them like I used to. I don't see a porn scene in my head, I just see a beautiful creature. It's the hardest thing to describe but it's the best thing that has come of my experience.

In work, my female colleagues are more natural towards me and I respond to their reactions. I even wrote a letter to a work colleague as she was leaving for good. I was quite emotionally caught up because I loved her as a friend. I have no doubt that had it not been for nofap, I'd never had the courage to do such a thing. She told me it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever written about her.

I socialize more too but I also get creative in my alone time, play guitar, read books, magazines everything I can get my hands on. I spend more time telling my friends and family I love them.

Nofap may never be a scientific experiment with guaranteed results. I can guarantee though that it's never too late to make a change in your life. I feel like I'm rebooting my life from when I was 12 before I had ever watched porn. Do you remember those days? Best days of your life right?

Well it's time to go back!

LINK - 90 days done. Feel like I've rebooted from age 12!

by damomad