Age 26 - Long distance girlfriend (ED)
[December 4th] I just read all of the posts on this thread and its really heart breaking how many of us guys, even as young as 15, have this problem, and how it messes up our lives and those of the ones we love. So since everyone else is being really open and honest, here is my story. Hopefully there is a bit of wisdom in there that some of you younger guys can, perhaps, learn from. I'm currently 26, my love life has been a bit nonexistent until recently. I kind of hid myself away at uni. I've never had a one night stand, partly because it seems kind of immoral to me but also probably also because I’ve been a bit of a wimp and should 'man up' a bit.
I met a girl this summer. We spent a night together in a darkly lit room kissing and cuddling and feeling one another up a bit. It was magical. At this point I was a virgin, not that she knew that. The sh1t thing is she lives about 3000 miles from me and after that night we had to split up. We chat on Skype all the time, and over the next month or so I eventually fessed up that I still had my 'V-plates' and I went to see her for a week this summer and subsequently lost them. I had the best week of my life and then we had to split up again.. back to Skype.
So that’s the context. Our first time was a bit of a struggle.. condoms weren't working for us, so I went skydiving without a parachute so to speak, a brave (or suicidal) move for a first timer. My erections aren't what they once were, and getting and maintaining wood was a problem. Over the course of the week, things got a bit better I could manage about 70% wood and I even managed to finish on a few occasions (outside obviously).
It's not good when a girl thinks your D doesn’t work.. and it can seriously trash your chances of forming a relationship with them. We had a few seriously awkward conversations about it. A few days in, I told her that I thought it was porn-related, which really disgusted her. Not that many girls watch porn, at least not in the same way guys do. The really awful thing was that she thought that the reason my D wasn’t hard was that I wasn’t attracted to her. She felt bad in herself because of me. It’s a horrible feeling.
I want my D working properly. I want a rock-solid erection that I can use to take her places she's never been before. She’s had a few boyfriends before, but never had an O. Being a scientist of course I looked this up, and its probably because she prefers Missionary position, which makes putting pressure on the front wall of her V really difficult and thus stimulating her G-spot impossible. The poor girl thinks she can't have one. I want to change her mind, but to do that I need the 'bone' back in my boner.
In my case I've been looking at porn since I was about 13 I think, which as I'm 26 is a depressingly large HALF OF MY LIFE. I wish I had never been introduced to it, or we never had the Internet. Back then it was just pictures of course, dial-up and all that. Things escalated when broadband came along. Porn steals your innocence. I should never have seen those things back then, especially at that young and impressionable age. You need to find these things out for yourself naturally, not looking a pics/video online.
I honestly think if I had never seen Internet porn, I would have lost my virginity years ago and be in a much better situation now. The type of porn you look at over time definitely gets more hardcore. My poison is these amateur couple videos, especially when they are my sort of age.. which is really sad when you think about it, all that time spent bashing the bishop to those when I could have been with a girl of my own. Also, watching porn when you're a kid makes you insecure, thinking your not the same size/shape as others.. well of course your not.. you're only about 4 ft tall! Unfortunately the insecurities never go though, and you end up missing out on so many opportunities and magical moments that are part of growing up.
So I stopped looking at porn completely at the end of October sometime, and over the same period have been trying to cut right back / stop masturbating. I’ve failed a few times but currently it's been 10 days. No sign of morning wood, not regularly, and certainly nothing to write home about. Not had a wet dream in longer than I can remember, even just an erotic dream. I want all these things back, well maybe not the wet dreams. I feel like my addiction to porn growing up stole my innocence. I've had days where ,y penis is really sensitive, and others where it practically doesn't exist.
Porn is completely off the menu for me forever now. I've wasted too much of my life, pleasuring myself. Over the last year or so when I watched porn and masturbated I wasn't even at 100%, I guess I'd need to elevate the extreme nature of what I was watching to make my body interested again.. and in the process only make things worse. No, that’s it forever now.
So no signs of major improvements yet for me, but I'm hopeful. Im going to the gym, I bought a pull up bar, I'm doing kegels.. the PC muscle is a seriously important muscle to exercise by the way, for guys and girls. Fingers crossed I'll see some improvements, and good luck to everyone else trying to kick the habit and reclaim their manhood.
[December 14th] I thought I would post to let people know how things are going for me. I haven't knocked one out since 24th of November and some days it's really difficult not to, especially in the shower as you've got to clean the little fella. I'm really glad I don't watch porn anymore. I feel good about myself for being in control. I can smoke when I like, drink when I like but porn has always been a weakness.
Erection strength has been up and down, literally. I've had mornings where you could play baseball with it and others where it feels like it doesn't exist. Well the baseball things a bit of an exaggeration but it was probably like 90%, which is the best it's been in months and months. I'm hopeful. My target is Christmas when Im going to see my girlfriend (we live apart). On the visit, there's no chance of me abstaining. When I'm with her I am going to pay so much attention to every little curve and detail that I love about her and try to replace any fading memories of porn with those. You've gotta get that crap out of your head, and the more you've seen the harder that will be.
I really hope this period of abstention works, but I don’t think it’s a solution long term; you have to keep that area in shape, meaning your PC muscle and regular ejaculations to keep your prostate healthy.
But first I'm gonna try and fix this thing. I'm doing PC muscle flexes whenever I remember to tone up down there. I'm going to the gym trying to get everything else in shape. Also started taking a multi-vitamin for blokes called 'Wellman Sport". It's got Arginine and Zinc in it which are both good for your tackle and blood circulation in general, and it doesn’t say 'TO MAKE YOUR **** WORK BETTER' on the pack.
I also chatted to one of my friends about it, a seriously awkward conversation at first. He actually has the opposite problem and is too sensitive down there are finishes too quickly.. so I told him to bash his bishop off to as much porn as he can find, lol. Everyone's different and 'Normal' is a concept that doesn’t really exist. But if you are aware of your problems, whatever it is and you look up how to improve, that’s the best you can do.
[January 21] Just back from spending time with my girlfriend. Prior to meeting up I didn't M for 1 month. I haven't watched P in months now and never want to watch it again. I’m fixed!!!
The first time we made love, I was so tender down there I didn't last very long at all, but no worries. The orgasm was amazing, although my ejaculate was a bit of a yellowy colour.. not good. Long term I think you need to ejaculate occasionally to keep all your fluids/prostate etc all ship shape. It didn't actually matter that I didn't last long this time as it was the first time we had sex after months not seeing one another and the whole thing was so intimate and emotional. The next morning was a pretty similar experience. I suppose you could say it was working too well.
Over the next few weeks, we made love quite a bit and things just got better and better. Now I love my little man! ED has completely gone. On several occasions he was an absolute champ. A couple of times towards the end I was lasting for ages with a rock solid erection, like 90% +. In fact during this time I had some of the hardest erections I have had in years.
I was eating lots of Cashew nuts, all nuts are supposed to be good for your manly bits because they contain arginine which is good for your circulation. And occasionally I was taking these Wellman Sport supplements which are a multi-vitamin for guys and contain among other things Arginine and Zinc which are both good for your bits. I think I mentioned this in one of my previous posts.
When we made love in bed this is what I found worked best for me/us.
- Low light in the room, a couple of scented candles was good, plus it creates a really romantic atmosphere.
- Kissing and touching under the covers for a while to get in the mood. Her stroking me with her fingers really softly rather than gripping it, more like teasing, works really well. Also not being able to see very much makes your imagination and your senses work more.
- Touch her for a while. This gets her to the point where her all her muscles start contracting and everything swells up with blood down there and makes her really sensitive. Also this gives my little man a chance to relax a bit, which I think is one of the things that helps me last longer.
- Make love really slowly and gently for a little while without a condom. This helps get her lubricated without having to put any artificial lubricant inside her or just rely solely on hers, and it's really intimate.
- Then I'd put my raincoat on and we would be a bit more adventurous. The previous time we were together I didn't have much success with condoms because I would go soft inside her, so I used withdrawal the whole time, which gave me a couple of sleepless nights for a while afterwards. This time condoms weren’t a problem.
We tried a few different positions and I didn’t have any problems. I even managed to have sex lying on my back, which was a disaster the last time I tried it because gravity just drains all the blood out if it's not working properly. The best position I found was with her lying on her back with her hips slightly raised and me standing at the side of the bed. I like this position for several reasons. Firstly gravity helps my little man stay hard. I can see everything and I can lean forward and kiss her. It allows me to put a bit of pressure on her front wall where her G-spot is meant to be and I can stimulate her clitoris at the same time with my hand, the combination of which works 'rather well' for her, which makes me feel great.
One other thing I will say. My girlfriend knows all about the whole porn induced ED thing and that I stopped M for a month before. She said I was like a different person to the last time we were together and made lots of comments on how hard my erections were.
Hopefully this will last. My plan from now on is never to watch porn and masturbate again. Don't M unless I am really horny for it and when I do try to visualize real experiences with my girlfriend. Then whenever i get the opportunity enjoy the real thing with my girlfriend. Good luck everyone.
From this Medhelp thread.
BY - newstart26 Dec 04, 2011