Age 27 - 30 Days: WOW, I'm a different person
I would have never imagined that I would go 30 days without MO, let alone PMO…but here I am. At first it was really hard to avoid temptation but after getting about a week under my belt it got easier in a way.
As each day goes by, it becomes easier to recognize the progress I’m making and it becomes easier to convince my brain to not even think about touching myself. (No Touching!) I didn’t realize how much PMO had been affecting me since I started fapping at least once a day since 6th grade. That was the year I began PMO’ing and where my life took a different path, and I began my descent into porn and eventually into some really weird porn. Looking back, that school year my grades became mediocre because I just stopped trying and didn’t feel like doing the work. I had few friends because I was awkward and had social anxiety.
That mentality continued throughout HS and definitely hurt me when applying to colleges. In college, my grades got better because I didn’t want to get kicked out..and I was partying a lot. Sure I got a 3.0 but it could have been so much better. I graduated with an easy degree because I didn’t want to work hard. Throughout middle school, high school, and college I never had a girlfriend and only had a few one night stands with a few girls in college essentially due to alcohol. In college I began to get brain fog, depersonalization, always felt unhappy and tired in addition to being bad/not interested in girls. I thought it was depression or lyme disease and took a lot of recreational drugs to try and make me feel happy and combat why I felt so numb inside.
I stumbled onto NoFap by accident about 6 months ago and realized that this looks to be the source of my problems. It definitely was. Got the chains app on my iPhone to keep track of days which is helping so much. I feel like I’m going through a 2nd puberty as the days go by in benefits from this.
PRO’S and CONS of NoFap
- Confidence and self worth is way up.
- Much more energy
- Much more drive/motivation. Feel like kicking ass, and taking names!
- Exercising and eating much better, which is makes me feel good.
- Able to make short term and long term goals and stick to them.
- Brain fog and depersonalization disappearing.
- Able to focus and concentrate much better.
- Feel like talking to people more and connecting with them.
- Genuinely feel happy, and finding simple things like cooking food or going for a walk much more fulfilling. People in the past would sometimes ask me “Are you ok?” or “Whats wrong?” and I’m sure it was because my face was in a perma frown from feeling numb and unhappy. No more!
- Funnier in general.
- Sexual energy coursing through me, and horny most of the time.
- Finding much more women attractive and spending less time focusing mentally on their body parts. Instead, I’m finding myself wondering what their story is...what do they like/dislike...and wanting to get to know them. Not objectifying them off the bat and putting sex on the backburner. In the past I would consider most women sub-par and focus on their flaws, but these days I realize I have flaws and so do they and am able to see through them.
- Much less social anxiety with men and women. For example, I was grocery shopping a few days ago and 3 women asked me to help them reach things high up because I’m a tall guy. Every time they asked, I said YES and had a witty/funny line to say that made them laugh…and it made me feel good to make them laugh. I found myself uncontrollably flirting with women who looked indecisive with what they wanted to buy in aisles and making them laugh. This has never happened to me before ever…they can pick up on my good energy and I’m just spewing the right thing to say at the right time. It’s fun.
- Morning wood every morning, and I’m looking huge.
- Hair seems thicker. I was beginning to see my hair up top start to get thin and I could see my scalp, I still can but it seems to be filling in or my hair just has more volume…I’m not sure.
- Began dating again and have multiple women interested in me. I’m enjoying their company and interacting with them. No sex yet.
- Able to make eye contact with people much better. I can stare directly into a woman’s eyes without feeling ashamed of my fapping.
- Face complexion looking better.
- Approach anxiety gone and much easier to “make a move”
- Deeper voice
- Able to form sentences and think of words to say in a conversation much easier, and much less filler words like “umm” when speaking.
- Penis leaks semen during bowel movements, and randomly during the day. I’ve been able to catch it in time, but on a past NoFap streak semen soaked through my boxers and put a wet stain on my pants that was embarrassing.
- A queasy nervous “butterflies” type feeling in my stomach from time to time that makes me feel uncomfortable.
- Insomnia and trouble falling asleep. I have had the above nervous feeling wake me up at night and I can’t go back to sleep.
- Some anxiety about having sex in the future. I’m scared that if I orgasm that all these benefits will disappear.
The main lesson I have gotten out of this so far:
Not everything in life is easy. Instead of wanting an orgasm and immediately having one via your hand, you have to work for it by finding a girl. This crosses over into other areas like exercising, eating better, learning new things, working on a long term project, saving money, etc.
You realize that all of these things will make you happy in the long term, but never felt or thought you could do them because they weren't instant. When you've built up a streak of not fapping, you realize that you can do these things. NoFap has been holding you back.
Taking a step back after these 30 days, it’s so clear to me now that fapping 1-2 times a day every day since 6th grade was the direct cause of many of my problems for almost 20 years.
What would my life have been like if I wasn’t addicted to this? Not sure but I’m taking it one day at a time and changing my life for the better.
See you at 90 days, Gotta Fly! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSGmQL7FrOQ#t=100m8s
UPDATE - Day 44 - Had sex. Twas glorious.
I'm not going to go into too many specifics, but it was pretty good. I really felt the connection between us much more so than before NoFap. Told partner about NoFap, and she was extremely turned on by it. She literally said some sexy things in my ear and barely touched me and I orgasmed. Minutes later I was back and ready for round 2. Being so sensitive made it tough to perform but I think that was ok with her.
Feeling a slight urge to MO today but am going to ignore it. I think the NoFap benefits are still here...can't tell as of yet.