Age 27 - 51 days and a new life
Well, this is my history.
I've been struggling with the addiction to the pornography since i'm 14yo.
All begin with the bad influence of my friends, but be true throught my curiosity. I think that there is an influence of your familiar environment, i mean, one of my oldest memories is to find in the vcr of the principal room in my house a porn video cassette. In that that time i barely know anything about sex or porn, but that causes a impressive image that stays settle in my mind. The friends, the curiosity, etc, convert me in an addict.
1. How i recognize that i've a problem? That cost me several years to recognize. The PMO has an important influence in my life, but it was hard to accept. In my school years it was only a way to relief an urge, a created urge. My friends told me that they likes to watch porn, that do that was a normal, that if i don't do that, maybe im a weirdo, etc. My solitude, my autoestime problems, my familiar situation, my grades... all was a heavy weight upon my shoulders, and what was my "smart" solution? look for a relief in PMO. It begins with tv, the cliché late movie, just only one time a week. In the beginning it was just occasionally, and it quickly became a date once a week. It became an usual theme to conversation, and i start to search for something more. To the soft stuff to something more. In that time the recent arrival of the internet help me to that.
The time goes on, and i start to recognize that i can't life without PMO. It became something that i practice 4 or more time a week. It wasn't something that i rarely do. It became a part of my life. But it wasn't yet a problem to me.
My stupid proud. That silly way to think about yourself. I think that i can control that. That if a wanted to , i will quit easily. Only start to think how many times i think that.
I'm a humble person. I have to recognize that i'm smart. But, if i taking into account all the wasted time looking for PMO, i have lose a lot of my youth in that. How many weekends only doing that. Hoy many times that i lose the opportunity with a girl, because i choose the easy way, only to see her in the most pervert way, fantasize with her in my mind, and start to dissappoint of her because i think that she doesn't fully filled my dumb and empty beauty standart, beaty and sexual standart that was created by seein porn.
But it doesn't became the trigger to recognize my addiction.
I'm 27 now.
That was my trigger.
27 - 14= 13
Almost my half of my life in that.
A half of my life doing something that it's empty.
That its not real.
That make me feel like a pervert.
That take a lot of my time.
That converts me in a lazy,
That converts me in a procrastinator.
That makes me became shy.
That ruin my mind
That affect my way to think to the others
That it's not real
Is not normal to think of a woman like an object, to use an reuse. Is not normal to think that im the master of my sexuallity, and only trying to satisfied myself. To override the soul of a person with my way of thinking. Its just the purpose of my life to satisfied me? To wake up, and only start to think in sex.
I make a stop in my life, and start to trying to quit PMO.
2. From trying to doing If i have an habit, i have a challenge. Years and years to convice me that i can do it, and fail.
I start to recognize my path until the fail.
This things takes me to PMO. I identify the following:
- Bad conversations with friends
- Tv (is very important)
- Watch all day Tv
- Internet: Facebook, youtube.
- Change of my mood.
- Internet after 1am
- internet alone in my room
- My smart phone.
I think that if i don't have access to the source i will not fail. But the problem isn't the previous. The problem was my mind, in me.
I guarantee that if you want to PMO, you will find a way to do that urge. Even if you live in a apart mountain, without electricity, no wifi... you will find a way.
I put a lot of porn blockers. I start to limit my time in front a tv... it doesn't work.
I take a decision. - Be humble with myself and recognize that im weak, i can't do it alone. I need help.
I start to think that i have to change the way of think and start to see the reality.
I take a decision - no more PMO.
3. The way.
Start to change the way of thinking. Just that.
What is your concept of sex?
What it mean to you?
What it cost you?
it is the way to be happy?
why i search PMO?
when i search PMO?
I start to see me in a mirror - Im an addict.
Just 5 minutes after practice PM, im happy? really? all the problems dissapear?
Start to change the way of thinking.
I need an advice, i start to think, that probably there was people that suffer the same struggle with PMO. For the first time in my life, i start to search an solution to my addiction.
And start to read nofap.org, and the youtube channel of ssp.