Age 27 - (ED) My sex life became amazing, but I overdid it.
I went through several flatlines along the way - but man, it only gets better. Seriously does. My self control has gotten pretty good.
For those of you just starting, or in the process of the 90 days- Don't give up. There were many times I wanted to quit- there were many times I cried and felt miserable. But every time I wiped off my tears, stood up straight and went out into the world. I actually felt amazing. It was nice to have emotion again.
I think this world has made it impossible for men to have emotions, lest we be called a little girl - But its amazingly healthy to deal with your emotions, let it out- and come out a stronger man.
The benefits I'm feeling these days are just pure happiness and euphoria. I get this excited feeling in my heart when I listen to music, and I get so excited about my life is general. Everyone I meet open up to me, and they tell me their life story , for some reason they can vibe that I can be trusted. Girls just seem to love being around me , and I think it has something to do with me treating them like one of the guys. I don't see them as a sexual object any more, but just human beings, and that respect goes a long way.
A reputation is hard to build for sure- but during this challenge, I was able to fix my rep, and now its an amazing one- I'm doing great at school because I am at peace with my self. I remain humble because I never forget where I came from... I crawled out of the mire pit, and it was a difficult journey- I am no better than anyone, only fortunate i'm out of the pit. Its amazing above the pit.
Keep going guys, don't give up- it gets so bright and joyful after you cross some mountains- it gets so much easier, and the burden lighter. Stay positive, work out, and learn to respect yourself and others. Most of all Love one another, there is nothing more needed in this world than love. Be well!
LINK - 260 days , how I feel now
POST AT 200 DAYS - 200th day update
I've been fapping since I was 10-11 I think. Like most guys I found my dad's stash of porn, and I was hooked ever since. I used fapping as a tool to escape from my problems , mainly not being able to fit in with kids at school and just feeling so damn different all the time.
So many things happened in my life that made me reclusive, and made me want to hide from the world. I'm pretty sure I was molested as a kid, and had some gay experience from an older kid that I trusted. I was too young to do anything about that - I'm pretty sure it had some impact in my life. My life was in shambles, and I wanted to hide in Porn.
To be honest, I loved the pleasure of it all. I was excited to see what was next, to feel what was next . Eventually - regular fapping wasn't fun - so I moved to drugs. Weed + fapping(shrooms/ecstasy) . Then bought strange toys to get myself off. All the while, I had many gf's who I had sex with every other day. I don't even know how I functioned.
As I got older, I got into a routine... It wasn't even a thing anymore. Pmo was something I just had to do - it was normal, and it made me feel normal. Couldn't sleep without it. If I went a day without it, I somehow felt like I missed out on something. Something valuable.
In the beginning I had rock hard erections, and my girl friends were always impressed and satisfied. Didn't even have a big penis or anything- not small, but nothing close to the porn penises thats for damn sure.
But as I kept watching porn, I started to feel smaller and smaller. Insecurities brought about a nasty side in me. I couldn't trust anymore... I couldn't love anymore. Everything my Gfs said, or did- I just couldn't believe. I was miserable.
A bit older, and I am with my new gf and hopefully my last. I love this girl. Met her 3 years ago. I was still in my PMO lifestyle with her, but she was so patient, and loving- and really helped me through so much. Met my soul mate. She fills my void.
She started to change me in such a good way . I wanted to become a better man. I started to realize PMO was impacting not just me, but her as well. Sex was good at first - but my guy wouldn't work. I thought this was normal, and all guys go through it. I was in denial . I tried to get cialis or viagra haha- at such a young age , made me depressed. I couldn't get the pills anyway.. but I tried all sorts of natural herbs, and remedies. Nothing worked. Weed would work... but ugh... that shit gets tiring, and it almost feels like someone else is having sex for me, and I'm just in for the ride.
I wanted to be sober, and be one with my girl, ya know?
I had many reasons why I wanted to quit PMO. I just didn't know how.
But some how I found this subreddit. I read through. The mere fact that there were other guys out there with similar stories to mine gave me so much hope. I am NOT ALONE! Other people did it?! Holy shit, this guy is at 600 days! I didn't even care about the super powers, or the benefits we get out of it. I just wanted it out of my life. It was such a dark shroud in my life.
I hated watching nasty stuff that got me sooooo damn worked up, but moment I bust a nut, its the most nastiest thing I've ever saw. I couldn't believe I'd degrade myself to that level. Then, to go out into life and act normal was difficult... Smiling at people felt miserable.
200 days ago, I threw it all away .
first week, I was excited. The days rolled by - it was strange. Just seeing one more day was so damn excited.
When the months came around, I was losing it haha. I wanted to watch porn, and just say fuck it! But I used cold showers, and got into working out like crazy. I did so much damn pull ups, push ups, dips and ran till my heart wanted to explode.
I found a true high. When I was gasping for air, and when my muscles felt like they could crush air- I felt alive.
I was scared to lose what I gained if I PMOed so I kept going stronger and stronger.
My sex life became amazing. My guy was hard as a rock , and I could do shit I never could. Like hitting every spot she wanted, comfortably and satisfyingly for hours on end. Gave me confidence knowing I was her world- and she wanted no one else- cuz I knew her body like it was mine.
but... as time went on , I started to replace PMO with sex. Sex never became dull... matter of fact, it became too damn good. So we just had sex wayyyyyyy too much . I started to feel weak again. Started to feel the same effects I had when I was on pmo. Lost a lot of motivation.
So yesterday, as I hit 200 days... I made a pact with my gf to go 90days without sex. We both agreed it would be an amazing journey.
We would use this time to grow as people, and treat each other with respect- and we would do physically intensive stuff to replace all that energy. Rock climbing, hiking, baseball, bag work , work out etc etc...
Im excited , scared and nervous- but I KNOW it will benefit us both.
I am not the same guy I was 200 days ago. I feel amazing. I feel strong. I feel confident, and I really just don't give a fuck. I feel like the trees wave at me as I walk, and I feel the air misses me when I run past it. I grow every day , physically , mentally and spiritually. I love being me, and I love that I went through those dark miserable times, so that I can feel and appreciate what I have now.
This subreddit became weird over the months. All about getting women, and more about sex than getting rid of this virus called PMO. Who I'm I to judge... but I really miss the old subreddit... I miss hearing truthful stories of their pains and struggles. It was real. It was disturbing. But it was real.
People who are starting out on no-fap, be honest. Bear your soul out, dig in deep and find out why you got into PMO, and what you really want out of life. Don't give up. Cry if you must , but keep crawling out. You do not want to be stuck in this tar like substance... You want to be free.
I pray all my brothers and sisters here joy and peace, and I will see you all again 165 days later. Peace!
UPDATE 2 - 267 days update - random day I know haha
Pretty random day to make an update, but just felt like writing.
It's been awhile since I've been here- it seems like only a while ago I was holding onto this site for dear life not to relapse again.
I made it to about 257 days the last time around; I can't believe I passed it - and kept going strong.
I used to think If I relapsed it's no big deal, 2-3 weeks of slump days and back on my feet and happy days. Eh... not so. For me, it seemed to last about 100 days before I felt good again.
I used to think it was worth a few pumps here and there - pay the consequence every now and then, and it'd be worth it. Nope, really not worth it.
It was such a dark road - I don't think I've cried so much in my life. Every memory, every mistake, every stupid choices I've made made me tear up and cringe and ball up.
The difference this time around was that I just felt it. I let it flow through me naturally- the way it was meant to be. I just cried and let it do its thing. I even went up to the mountains nearby and screamed, fuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk- lolol.. funny now, but at the time, mannn it was foreals, I just wanted to give up.
I kept going though- knowing I'd be grateful I did.
I got back into working out- doing pull ups and dips , pushups and lifts. Bought a better mattress that helped me sleep better than I ever have before. I quit weed the same time I quit PMO- and I friggin love my life man. It's so ... simple, yet dopamine filled.
I was sitting down in my chair, drinking some coffee- weather was foggy and chilly- and I remember feeling this strange happiness I'd previously only get from smoking weed, or doing some strong drugs. I was like " hm.. this is what being high on life feels like * shrug* "
Corny, but it was true- Life ,when filled with peace and joy can really feel like a high and a rush.
I'm still on the watch - because I know how creepy this temptation thing can be. It hits you when you're not looking, and before you know it you're making solid points on why it's okay to watch it now and again...
Guys, I know it's hard- but just think about what it takes away from you . It steals your talents, pride and happiness... Energy too. If you've failed before, learn from your mistakes and fight back. You really can do it- Cry if you must, crawl if you need- but stay on the right direction, and I promise you will be out of that mire .
Till next time- hopefully when I hit my year mark! Good luck guys!!