Age 27 - The last straw was when I found myself watching porn even in Maui.

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bright flowersWell gentlemen, the last straw was when I found myself watching porn even in Maui. That is where I had enough!! The most beautiful place with beautiful women and for a short hour in between I had to go digital again.

When I got back home starting new year I knew I'd never watch porn, ever.

Results after five months??

I have a stronger resilience in dealing with life. I'm realizing there's a lot of priorities I want to get a better handle on. Like my career, my health, my relationships.

It's challenging but I'm not running away or getting ticked, I have the balls to step up and deal with my shit.

Some crazy things happen two weeks ago but I've been very much composed. Is this because I quit porn?? You decide

Let's see I'll list just a few to give you an idea.

Two weeks ago....

Sunday: girl friend and I got in big fight  (sucked a lot)
Monday: $10,000 stolen
Tuesday: laid off from work
Wednesday: Aunt died (she was suffering from cancer for a while so I was semi prepared, but beautiful lady that can never be forgotten)

For some reason I just didn't get stressed (other than the girl). I do care but I know that's life so it's up to me to continue taking better actions and move forward.

My girl friend was ready to call it quits on us. None of that crap got to me, except her. On the Saturday I told her all the challenges I'd been facing that week and now she's back. Is more supportive than ever and is blown away by ability to stay optimistic. Says it was one of the first things she noticed when we met earlier in the year but never realized any one could be calm through all this. She finds it really appealing in me and says has never come across someone like me.

When I try to bring up what we fought about (which was my mistake) she tells me to drop it now and it's not worth it.

Is this composure because I quit porn?? I don't know but is an interesting thought how I developed this soon in 2014

Let's see what's next, will keep you posted, gentlemen

THREAD - Enough

by NewGuy, May 25, 2014


 

ORIGINAL POST:  November 03, 2012

DAY 1: New Guy story

Okay lets see, here I'm. 

I've been addicted to PMO for half my life.  Currently 26 years old.  Have been failing yes FAILING with PMO for half my life!... There I said it.  I'm pretty anxious right now, don't know what everyone is gonna say. My problem appears to have begun from a very young age as don't think I hit puberty the "normal way".  Will try to describe my struggle in list form below:

-When I was 5 years old in first grade, told a girl that used to play with at recess that I was moving away.  I started crying as would miss her very much and then she kissed me.  This confused me and was more frightening then pleasurable as I didn't understand nor have attraction for females.  She kissed me several more times during the days leading up to the move (don't know if a 5 year old girl can be characterized as having molested me since she didn't know what she was doing either)
-6 years old began thinking about girls, usually fantasizing what I saw on television
-8 years old hit puberty? slight peach fuzz began showing, penis bigger and soon light facial until became thick before teens
-9 years old found school friend drinking beer he stole from his dads fridge, he mentions sex details I've never known before
-10 years old came across some softcore porn sites
-11 years old kids from school getting hold of condoms to have sex after school during most of middle school and imitate porn movies, I didn't join them but knew everything about it
-11 years old discovered hard core porn sites
-13 years of PMO later...
-March 2010 deciding to fight PMO addiction!
My Struggle.... (officially keeping count)

-April 2010 relapsed
-May 2010 relapsed
-June 1, 2010 relapsed
-July 29 2010 relapsed (2 months FREE!)
-September 2010 relapsed (2 months free!)
-October 2010 relapsed
-November 2010 relapsed
-December/7/2010 relapsed
-Feb/13/2011 relapsed
-Feb/17/2011 relapsed
-March/18/2011 relapsed
-March/19/2011 relapsed
-April/16/2011 relapsed
-April/18/2011 relapsed
-April/19/2011 relapsed
-April/20/2011 relapsed
-July/5/2011 relapsed
-July/6/2011 relapsed
-July/29/2011 relapsed
-July/30/2011 relapsed
-September/26/2011 relapsed (2 months free)
-October 23, 2011 relapsed
-11/11/11 relapsed
-November 12, 2011 relapsed
-December 27, 2011 relapsed
-December 28, 2011 relapsed
-Dec 31, 2011 relapsed
-January 21, 2012 relapsed
-January 22, 2012 relapsed
-February 10, 2012 relapsed
-February 23, 2012 relapsed
-April 8, 2012 relapsed
-April 11, 2012 relapsed
-April 14, 2012 relapsed
-May 3, 2012 relapsed
-May 4, 2012 relapsed
-May 5, 2012 relapsed
-June 9,2012 relapsed
-June 12, 2012 relapsed
-June 13, 2012 relapsed
-June 20, 2012 relapsed
-July 2, 2012 relapsed
-July 3, 2012 relapsed
-July 4, 2012 relapsed
-July 7, 2012 relapsed
-August 7, 2012 relapsed
-August 20, 2012 relapsed
-August 21, 2012 relapsed
-August 26, 2012 relapsed
-September 3, 2012 relapsed
-September 5, 2012 relapsed
-September 7, 2012 relapsed
-October 8, 2012 relapsed
-October 31, 2012 relapsed
-Day 1: November 1, 2012  (my soul is very tired but I'm still searching for help... found this website)

Girls always assume I'm very sweet and innocent.  No issues socializing with women but I've never reached a single serious relationship.  Women always give me sexual ques they are interested but I like the idea of a long term relationship better than just having sex, I like the idea of marriage probably because I've seen such wonderful relationships.  I also doubt my ability to perform as never had sex.  I'm convinced this could help my social life and probably is the one reason for my always struggling through high school and college.

Day 3 going smoothly so far...wish me the best!