Age 28 - Chronic ED cured...recurred with porn...then success
I am right where I wanted to land when I set out on this long rollercoaster journey. I can confidently say that I have successfully rebooted! I am not here to woo you or tell you a superb story; I will just lay it out how my last several months went…..It took me seven and a half months to get where I am!
Here is the short version gameover so efficiently laid out: All in 7 months. Severe ED -> Girlfriend -> Sex a few times a day
Of course it was not as easy as that.....
I have been suffering from severe ED for about 3-4 years. Even before that I had a few mishaps but I could always brush it off with some excuse. I always blamed it on something else (e.g. too much alkohol, not finding the girl attractive enough (some of them looked like supermodels) etc.etc.).
I googled ED a lot but never found anything about PIED till last December when I set my browser to English (I am not a native speaker) and I “bumped” into YBOP. It was staring me in the face all along. My excessive porn usage was the cause of all my erectile troubles. I could barely get hard without porn!
I started rebooting immediately and joined YBR a couple of days later.
In the first two weeks or so I immediately noticed that things are changing down there. Getting erections at surprising times, return of morning wood (even after naps) and noticing women in the real world I would not have before. But then I flatlined hard…
Nothing was going on neither down there nor in my mind; I was asexual. I luckily did not freak out, because I read up on flatlining extensively on YBOP and YBR and I just carried on with my business…
Gradually but slowly life returned to my penis and sexual thoughts started popping up in my mind. I was getting spontaneous erections, morning wood slowly returned with a vengeance (I had and still have sometimes diamond cutters in the morning, it is funny at first, but making breakfast with it can turn out to be annoying). But I was not getting the erections when I should have. The DISCONNECT between my mind and my dick was just catastrophic.
An example for the disconnect is that I got really hard in the office while working on financial modelling structures (really boring accountant like stuff) and I got so hard that it actually hurt and I could not stand up for about 30 min because everybody would have seen the tent in my pants. A day later I was making out with this beautiful girl in a club and we started patting each other down heavily; actually she pretty much dry-humped me and there was absolutely no reaction down below…
But step by step everything was getting better. Then worse….
I am very appreciative to this forum that it laid out all the facts (you have to search a little, but it is all on here) how non-linear this process is but that in the long run it is with an upward tendency…
Sometimes I felt that I was taking one step forward and ten steps back, three days later I felt completely the opposite….
I was completely abstinent with masturbation for the first 52 days! After that I masturbated about every 3-5 weeks (about once a month).
At the end of February I started having sex…. Sometimes several days in a row (totally impossible before December). I usually needed manual stimulation but the erection quality was great and my main trouble was not being able to stay in the moment but over thinking the situation. After that I had, in retrospect, minor setbacks (MO mainly). I had sex a few times in March and started dating…
I started noticing girls in my surroundings; the cute receptionist at a clients work, girls on the street but also girls in nightclubs and bars. The best part is they started noticing me noticing them. I was mentally in touch with the sexual world.
With dating and sex started my real rewiring… I started rewiring to real women and my problems became less and less.
I started dating my current girlfriend in April and by May we were a couple. Concerning my reboot I dotted all the i’s with her. At the beginning condoms were not my best friend and I also had two ED episodes in the beginning without a condom (but it was brushed off due to fatigue and booze).
Then something unexpected happened. I could not ejaculate inside her! I had severe DE. She understood it and did not really make a big issue out of it (she actually still loves it when we go on a marathon) and always told me to let go and switch off my brain (no, I did not have the YBOP/PIED/PMO talk with her but I did mention that I stopped watching porn because I thought it desensitizes).
I had to travel for three weeks, so rewiring was put on hold for that time.
After my long trip my girlfriend and I continued where we left off; Sex multiple times a day. After my trip I always got hard when it was on and after about two weeks my ED started fading and then it just all clicked. ED was a thing of the past.
Now I can have sex several times a day with great quality arousal erections and great stamina. Condoms are not a problem at all anymore (before December they were almost always erection killers).
Now I have to mention that I did all this without drugs, supplements or penis exercises. I abstained in the beginning and started rewiring to real women after two and half months.
I also have to mention that I did slip with porn once in April when I was mentally totally down due to some bullshit at work and also personally. But I will never use porn again. You have to see it for what it is. It is a way of instant gratification and nothing else. It makes you feel good for a few seconds but afterwards all your problems are still there.
Last but not least I have to add that the mental roller coaster was not the easiest. I was not always a 100% sure concerning the reboot and whether I am taking the right path and there is also a lot of misleading information on this forum and on YBOP (e.g. 90 days and you are done, there is only one way to reboot etc.). Because we are the pioneers of rebooting it is not always clear what is right for you. This can obviously be frustrating. For me it was also frustrating not having my crutch (PMO). Before it was always there for me when I was feeling down but to be honest it was all a mirage. It never really helped me and it actually contributed to one of my worst thoughts in the back of my mind (that I will never be able to have children) because it was making me impotent.
You have to sort out your thoughts and really have your goals in sight. Then it will also work for you!
I am now more balanced than 7 and a half months ago, more confident, more focused (not only with my girlfriend but in life) and most of all I am generally happy. I used to complain a lot before the reboot and I was sad and upset more often than not. Now, I really just start looking for solutions when a problem arises and sort out stuff and concentrate on the good times.
Thanks for reading the long entry!
Reboot and rewire,
So I am back, not proud of it, but I fucked up. My relationship went awry and porn quickly crept back into my life,
I am starting a new reboot and I have to acknowledge again that I am a porn addict.
I have a very heavy workload and I also go out a lot so I do not sleep much but in the last few weeks I have always made time for porn and jerking off.
The result: PIED is back.
So here I am, giving myself a second chance. Luckily I have noticed it in time, I am not as severely affected by PIED as I was in December 2012 when I have discovered YBOP and YBR but this also makes it a slipperier slope.
I now want to avoid rock bottom and climb back to where I was at the height of my last relationship (I was having sex marathon weekends, sometimes making love to my ex over 10 times in 2 and a half days).
So here is the start of my journey to get back on track.
The worst thing is I feel like such a loser. I really worked hard to do the last reboot. I had a great focus on my goals and I screwed it all up for having a few seconds of pleasure. I felt bad about PMO-ing everytime afterwards and I just could not stop in the last few weeks.
First I was thinking of doing this on my own (also because I sort of felt ashamed for failing).
But I am not ashamed to admit it, that I need your support and I need positive reinforcement.
I would have never rebooted the first time without this site. I could vent I could set goals and I was accountable (most of all to myself).
It is not easy to admit that your manhood is in jeapordy. So why do I feel like a loser? Easy because I fell back into the same trap only now I knew about it. I knew how hard it was to come out of it and for a few seconds of instant gratification I chucked it all away.
Porn addiciton is real, I remember I had a hard time admitting this to myself during the last reboot. I wasn't asocial, it was not driving away friends and I did not have any money issues (unlike with most addictions) I also could easily stay away for a week or so. But to be honest it is like this. One image is just way too much and afterwards not even a million are enough. All those hours searching for that one perfect shot, that one girl, that one thing and after you found it just keep on searching for the next. It was affecting me in a severe way and my hunger for it never really seemed to be satisfied.
Now I have the long climb ahead of me again.
Last time it took a little over 9 months, lets see how long the journey will be now.
He was functional within 4 months.
I would call this a complete success, especially if you look at where I started but I am not quite at the end of the road yet. The main obsticle, ED, is gone but DE can still creep up on me. I am guessing a few more weeks and I will be completely rebooted. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=6039.msg194628#msg194628