Age 29 - Addicted to extreme/fetish porn

Printer-friendly version

cliffBackground: Age 29, male, single, not religious, addicted to extreme/fetish porn in several genres, PMO'ed 2-3 times in most days with few hours of porn in a day. MO history of 17 years and PMO 12 years. Doing NoFap in hard mode (no porn, masturbation, edging, sex and minimum fantasizing).

Report: If you have PMO addiction this 90 day challenge is best way to take major first step. It can feel that 90 days no porn or masturbation is bad option if you have PMO'ed daily. It's true, there's no easy way out from problem that most likely took years to develop.

Does this 90 days mean that I'm cured from porn addiction? No. It means that i didn't use porn for 90 days. This challenge gives option to break cycle of daily PMO and take some distance from problem to make better decisions about future. Now when sitting at day 90 it really doesn't mean anything. What is meaningful is next 12-24 months, can i stay away from porn or not. That is meaningful at this point.

Benefits from NoFap: Saved 200-300 hours in 90 days because i didn't watch porn. My computer and phone is clean and anyone could use it without finding out my porn secrets. Now i can be honest about my porn use, will people believe is another question.

I'm more capable to feel emotions again. I can be sad, happy or feel pleasure. I would say that my mood has been more stable now than before and i'm more happy now. I couldn't be totally honest about my porn use and i suspect that it was like dark shadow around me.

Confidence, energy and motivation: No major changes but i think that those are little better now.

With women: I think that my hesitation with women is lower now. Another thing is that sometimes i notice that i have done or said something that actually was ballsy confident thing to do. I would say that difference before and after is that now i don't need to try so hard and things just happen more naturally. Is this placebo? It can be but on the other hand because i'm more horny it's more likely that i naturally act in that way.

There have been few situations where women have done something that makes me wonder do they know that I'm not doing PMO. Maybe i just seem more friendly or approachable when I'm not on PMO and that explains these situations. This could be placebo again.

Sexually i feel recovered. I feel horny and i would like to get sexual release. Real sex would be most attractive option now. I feel that i was years in sexual flatline when i used porn.

Things that i learned when doing NoFap: I learned that PMO totally killed my natural sexuality and libido. My daily porn use didn't reflect my needs for sexual release. I used porn because my brain needed stimulation not because i needed sexual release. I realized how much i used MO and PMO to escape from negative things/feelings.

Milestones during 90 days: First milestone was 30 days. Getting 30 days was extremely hard. It took long time and several relapses to get there. My opinion is that If you can get 30 days it's likely that you can make it to 90. Also i felt that major emotional progress started after 30 days.

Another milestone was days 62-70 when my libido came alive. At the day 60 i felt that i was like 70% rebooted but then it magically happened, urges exploded and my libido was alive. I felt that i was rebooted at day 70.

Hardest days: For me hardest days was 62-70 when urges were very high and there was no way to avoid those. These urges were different than early days because now i needed sexual release.

Day 7 was very hard. Brain wanted stimulation but i didn't need sexual release. 7 Days is something that you can do it again in 7 days and that makes relapse look like attractive option. If you are at 30 days you have more to lose.

Relapses. What did they do for me?: I relapsed several times. I think that these relapses were breaking daily cycle of PMO. I don't know if those relapses affected to this streak.

My opinion is that relapses are like playing first few tracks from full album in random order, over and over again. After few times you know what to expect but you don't know anything about last tracks of album.

When will you know how 90 days will turn out? When wondering how you can be sure how you will feel at day 90, I would say that you need to be at day 90 to know for sure. M aking any long term evaluations would be mistake at 30 days. Even at day 60 i would have made wrong assumptions how things will go when i hit 90.

Negative sides of NoFap: There were negative things like difficulties to sleep, blue balls and headaches. Biggest is sleeping, i used PMO when i didn't get sleep and it seems to be hard to replace with anything.

Wet dreams: I didn't get wet dreams.

If i would start now what i would do differently? I would keep daily log for myself. I would write how i feel at that day and how strong urges are. It would be nice to read now.

Summary: 90 Days was hard but it was worth it. This was probably best thing that i could do in my situation. I would recommend this to anyone who has PMO addiction.

Thanks for reading! If you have questions feel free to ask.

LINK TO POST - 90 Days report

by SurnameX


 

EARLIER POST 75 Days report and about my porn addiction

Background: 29 y/o male, single, not religious, addicted to extreme porn, PMO'ed 2-3 times in most days with few hours of porn. Now doing NoFap in hard mode [no PMO].

Report: It has been 75 days since last masturbation. Only thing that i can say that after day 60 urges have exploded to the new record. Really positive thing is that now I'm horny for the first time in my life. When i was on PMO i was never horny without stimulation. I always wondered how it feels when guys told that they are horny and they need to get laid.. now i know how it feels. It has been really hard to get any sleep when I'm this horny. I was expecting and hoping that horniness would happen but i didn't know that it would take over 70 days. Otherwise it has been stable ride.<--break->

For those that are interested still no wet dreams from NoFap.

About my porn addiction: I wanted to write about my porn addiction. Most people in NoFap know what it means to be porn addict but i want to share some light in to this subject. I think that people rarely write what porn addiction means to them.

There might be triggers if you are in a sensitive mood.

I believe that many non addicted people will think that porn addiction means that I'm obsessed by watching any type of porn. This is not true at all. I'm sure that people think that because i'm porn addict it means that i have seen many "famous big money porn movies". This again is not true at all. I have seen probably only 15 movies like that.

I would say that there is two parts in my porn addiction: Searching and watching. Actually i'm more addicted to searching of porn than watching it. I have become extremely selective about porn that i watch and search. When searching something that is very hard to find it starts to take a long time. I estimate that searching takes 80-90% of the time and watching 10-20%. When i find something that is hard to find i get more pleasure.

When people talk about escalation of porn, for me it means this: First i was happy to see some non nude or very soft-core pictures, then i needed more hardcore porn, then something new and more shocking. I was curious to see more and something new. In a same time i wanted to see more specific type of women, specific positions, camera angles, acts... Amount of material that was OK for me was going down a lot. Many times i just couldn't find anything new and good so i needed more genres of porn.. Even more shocking than previous. When i did this searching i was always edging at the same time.

There were moments when i tried to stop using extreme porn but i had no control for my use and relapsed even deeper than where i was.

I used many tabs simultaneously and when i found something good i opened it to another tab to wait. When i had enough of good material, i selected best scene and masturbated to ejaculation. Material that i found during searching process was zero value after ejaculation. I don't watch same video for twice, i always need something new to watch and search.

For me this process of searching and watching became something that nothing else compares. Build up and release from this is something that even normal sex doesn't compare. I remember that years ago i was thinking that sex isn't that good as porn is and it's true. Real women can't compete with porn at least when you are addicted to porn.

I believe that in a same time when watching porn felt great, other things started to feel.. Nothing. I preferred porn over many other things in life. Porn had negative effects to my life and probably more than i know.

I used porn to escape from stress, insomnia, negative feelings, relationship problems, other problems, when i was lonely or bored. Use of porn was strongly rooted to my everyday life. I hope that i can someday live without daily thinking of porn.

Future of porn? I wanted to bring this up because when i started using Internet porn about 12-13 years ago. It was hard to find any extreme pictures. I'm sure that material was there but it was more underground and very hard to find. Now it's easy to find full videos of same type of porn. I think that in a big picture, people using porn are becoming more desensitized for what they watch and extreme is considered more normal. I'm not saying that porn should be banned but it's something that i have noticed.

Thanks for reading!