Age 29 - "I feel like I'm rising up"
I am extremely happy to be PMO free for 21 days. I know I am not alone in my goal and I'm grateful to be educated on this matter. About two months ago, I quit smoking cigarettes...things can only get better from here. Luckily had some some great tools keep me PMO free. Willpower and perseverance will go a long way...however a little technology can help too! I found a couple sites that help track and motivate you to reach your goal. It's free to signup and use. I found it helpful for me to quit smoking and be PMO free.
What you do is setup a goal, and for 21 or 30 days. An email notification is sent to you daily asking if you kept up with your goal. It's amazing as it has helped me keep up my goals.
21 day goal www.habitforge.com
30 day goal www.habitfoundry.com
I just hit day 25 today...I feel amazing. I feel so content doing whatever I'm doing. It's cloudy, rainy and cold out. However it feels like a sunny day to me. Everybody at work must think I'm on crack or something lol...my ambition has returned. I feel grateful to be part of this. I like the energy of this board and the supportive community. My life seems like it has turned around in an instant. I was stuck in this anti-social, depressive and emotional cycle. Everyday I was going on youporn and polishing the pewter everyday like it was going out of style. It felt good for temporarily but afterwards I felt worthless. I felt like a loser...forever stuck in this cycle. I want a real women!
It's unbelievable months ago I had anxiety and panic attacks while doing simple things such as going to the store. Now I feel like I can speak in front of a crowd of people. Then I was barely on any females radar...now they smile at me on the street, or even preen themselves within my vicinity. Being able to pick up little social cues is mind blowing. The other day I was walking downtown and got turned on by the scent of girl who passed by me, before that rarely ever happened. Women are trying to get my attention now...I'm really shocked, I've been out of the game so long its like all new to me. I finally feel like I can go on dates, or even ask a girl out...I'm still at awe.
I feel like I just woke up from a really bad dream. I feel strong to the core...like I feel like nothing can phase me. I am just being me...a man who is comfortable in his skin. It feels good to have this kind of swagger!
I eventually made it 30 days without PMO...wow those 30 days I felt like a beast/human!...However, on the 33rd day I cheated. I was thinking of an ex-gf out of nowhere and got super excited...and rubbed one out. However, this time no porn!
So officially I'm 36 days without porn. I thought I let myself down...however I didn't feel so bad afterwards. It wasn't the feeling of using porn. However, the subsequent days I was in a minor fog, which cleared up within last couple days.
I'm stilling feel good...I've met a couple girls here and there. Over the weekend I met a cute nurse. She was dancing and rubbing her body against me...which I was surprised at! I didn't hook up with her or anything. I was just happy to be enjoying myself like this again. However...I was in a minor fog...due to my MO.
Only a minor set back. I'm back on course with even stronger resolve! I can't beat myself up, literally haha...I can only move on!
It’s been awhile since I wrote something. I’ve been avoiding the computer and other distractions. It’s been 56 days...it’s hard to believe. It makes a world of difference. 2-3 months ago, I was browsing daily porn to MO for my quick fix. Now, I have no urges with porn at all.
Porn feels like a waste of time to me now. I feel like I've accomplished more in the last 56 days being PMO free than I’ve ever done. If you were to have seen me back then and now, you would see I was completely two different people. It seems like ages ago now. I feel finally there’s a balance to my life.
There are still some emotional up and downs. However, these peaks and troughs don’t seem to hold much weight very long. I’ve begin to meditate more frequently which seems has helped me stay centered.
I’m more content with everything I have. I feel a strong sense of direction and myself. I almost feel like a kid again. Happiness truly does come within. My friends and family who I’ve around have been noticing this. When I am happy it seems to make everyone around me happy.
I’ve been hanging out with great women and going on some mini-dates. I have been having this strong urge to emotionally connect with the women on the dates I’ve been going on. Before I would see women as a sexual object and couldn't connect with them. I would lose my desire to really get to know them. It’s the opposite now, I enjoy their company and I know they enjoy mine. Sex isn’t my end goal anymore…it’s just a it a very beautiful part of the relationship development. I’m looking forward to day 90.
I've had a fair share of life-event disappointments during this time...however focusing on my insecurities wouldn't have done any good. The old me would have dwelt on them and reverted to PMO for comfort. I know where that road leads to. Now, that's not an option...I'm a man and I'll take everything in stride.
When under stress, I remember to breathe...sometimes taking a big deep breath and stepping back from what is running amok in my life. We live in a society of shallow breathers...I am one of them. Something simple as slowing down your breathing and taking deeper breaths can make a huge difference.
Working out helps tremendously. I love running...it's my time to find peace. Also spending time with friends or some sort social activity lessens stress.
And if you're into meditation it can bring whole new dimension to your life. Writing/blogging helps as it puts your thoughts and emotions in writing. Read a good book or article. Draw/paint if you have an artistic side. There are many tools at your disposal you just have to find the right one for you. I know within time span of a week, I could be doing 4-5 different things that I mentioned. I do them because I need as many outlets as I can get. And I truly love doing all of them. And best of all they make me feel good.
(History) I lived a fairly normal childhood until I got into PMO in my teens. It seemed like the acceptable thing to do at that age. My school health classes said it was healthy. What I believed to be the truth led to an addiction.
I masturbated between classes when I was in college, and anytime I was bored or lonely. It was a daily habit that I carried into my adult life. Even as an adult while in relationships with women, I still continued. It contributed to my social awkwardness, anxiety and lack of confidence, which I've struggled with all my life. Due to this habit, I've had difficulty maintaining my friendships with people and especially relationships with women.
Over the years I found myself getting into other addictions such as cigarettes and drugs hoping that would relieve my pain. They only made it worse...to the point that I almost took my life. This past year was it...the last straw. I finally gave up cigarettes and drugs. I couldn't stand it anymore. I knew PMO was the very thing that was destroying me and ruining my chances of being happy.
Everything changed when I was googling information on the harmful effects of PMO. I found yourbrainonporn.com. This was what I was looking for. This literally changed my life. I'm feeling things I haven't in such a long time. I am alive for the first time after so many years. It's already day 60 without PMO. It has gone by fast. I'm coping with all my anxieties, awkwardness, confidence issues with strength. I've been down all my life. Now, I feel like I'm rising up.
Still going strong and all is well. Day 90 is easily within my sights. Been more social and having lots of fun. Not to mention the energy. I would say I've successfully rebooted but for me I feel like the 90+ day mark is be the perfect milestone for that. The only drawback I've faced recently with my reboot is I've noticed some guys try to out alpha me. I'm a peaceful individual but yet it happens. If you look at me I'm 5'3", nerdy guy with glasses. How am I threatening? I don't know why this happens but I end up telling the guy to back off or some sort verbal confrontation. Even one point I got into a physical scuffle this weekend, I handled it tactic-fully due to my martial arts background. However this never happened before reboot. Maybe I put up with before or just ignored it. It's either my confidence in standing up for myself or the testosterone that's pumping through my veins. Whatever the case...I'm cruising along.
I just hit day 205 today and wanted to give a quick write up. Spring is coming next week, warm weather has already hit in my region. Spring fever is definitely in the air. Since my last write up, I would say like to just say thanks. Without this community I wouldn't be where I'm at. I recently got a significant raised at my job. Which I didn't expect however, my work performance and quality of life has definitely changed.
On the social side of things, my friends have noticed a change within me. Among my friends I've garnered an unprecedented level of respect and leadership. I've seemed developed intuitive sense where women are hahaha. Last week a group of us went out and did what guys do. We went out, drank and chased women. It was definitely a defining moment when I realized I was having fun.