Age 29 - The Monster in The Closet

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Hi to all NoFappers, this is not going to be the usual sharing of experience. There is enough information on what happens when you watch porn and how it feels when you try to cease that practice. In short my story with porn is about 13 years old (29 years of age at the moment) 2 years of which had been spent in fighting with it.

Actually fighting with my porn habits did not achieve the ultimate goal, namely, to put an end to addiction and be free. What had the job done, came with an insight and right in front of my face: The addiction is a substitution of a need that has not been met yet. A need that has not been satisfied and has been forgotten. And the conclusion that follows is simple. To overcome an addiction, one has to find out what that need might be.

It is not easy to figure it out, but it really will make you free. Free is the right word, because addiction keeps you in a vicious cycle, very hard to break. Most of the guys on this site describe all kinds of not very pleasant mental and physical states, caused by watching porn. In other words, porn addiction brings suffering. This is both right and wrong. It is right, because watching porn reinforces the brain to do it again and keeps you in the vicious cycle, increasing the suffering. It is wrong, because not porn, but the guilt is what makes people feel bad.

This is not the fake guilt that comes after a broken promise, neglect a loved one or the N-th relapse. The GUILT occurs when one does not do what he/she is capable of doing to help or change him/her self. Brain fog, poor focus, low self-esteem, procrastination etc., happen because your psychic energy (Jung, 1928) is low and depleting, and it is your GUILT that “eats” the energy you lack. The real GUILT comes not when you betray someone else, but when you betray your VERY self (not to do what you are capable of doing).

To find out what is the need you substitute with the addiction, try to remember what you had been missing before you started to engage in this behavior. Make a few hypotheses about what it could be and start testing them. Once you figure it out, you will no longer be slave to the addiction. If you ignore the need I am talking about and manage to stay away from your addiction, sooner or later it will get you. It is like a monster waiting appropriate moment (the moment when you feel this unidentified need) to get out of the closet and grab you.

I believe neuroticism and even anxiety disorders are caused by us being addicted to certain emotions. To break the addiction you would have to find what is causing it. What I am saying is we can avoid porn with the help of our will, but the hole (the unsatisfied need) will be filled with something artificial again.

In my effort to resolve the problem I benefited a lot from this exercise - “The Way I Think” -  and I still use it to build a better understanding of myself. It is an incredible exercise. Even doing it once a week will benefit you tremendously.

Well, that was all. I will be very pleased to see your comments and questions on this article.

Happy Easter Fapstronauts!

LINK - The Monster in The Closet

by eagle1985