Age 30 - ED: Cured. Then relapsed. Now cured again

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Started the blog after two months of reboot, with today culminating in a hardcore relapse. (11/3/11)

So. I'm a relatively successful, good looking 30 year old man [doctor] who has had trouble getting hard ever since I came back from the war in 2003 when I was 21, or perhaps 22. Addiction is something that happened to "other people", certainly not someone as intelligent and educated as I. Oh what a tangled web we weave.

*inserted here * FYI my sex was normal at 16. I remember having sex 8 times in one day with my HS gf. This is probably important.

I was overseas for a year and a half without sex. I masturbated frequently, probably 2-3 times a day with the use of magazines. Fantasy was rampant. Fast forward to getting back to the USA. No, my ED problems aren't linked to PTSD in my opinion.

*inserted in here later * I originally thought my ED was a side effect from that blue pill, enzyte, that was supposed to make your dick bigger. I took that while overseas. Wowsa it gave some sick erections.

First day off the boat, I nailed some sorority chick. Halfway through sex something felt...different. I was in danger of losing my erection! If anyone can remember their "first time" you'll feel me on this. It was just effing weird. Anyways, I finished. To put the next 9 years into a very short story, I started using Viagra and cialis. I went to see a urologist who said the ole twig and berries was just dandy. I went to another urologist who did one of those ultrasound things down there. I was all good. I saw a therapist who said I was fine. I started thinking I had deep rooted emotional problems, or perhaps some undiagnosed fuckedupedness that was causing the E.D. Pills started working less. At first they turned me into superman but in time...not so much. Switching to a new pill would cause a new wave of effectiveness, but it too would fizzle off. At 24 I couldn't hide my sexual problems from my GF, and in time she left.

I couldn't tell anyone. I didn't know what to do. Id like to add here that during undergrad, I still had the desire to sex up the women's, but the ED would just rear its ugly head. And sometimes? Sometimes it would work just fine. I have a distinct memory of being drunk off my ass and my little guy blowing up like a balloon and taking care of the business. But that the randomness that was my sex.

Fast forward. After business school and a career in investment banking my Johnson still wasn't working. I was masturbating 3-6 times PER DAY to porn, and heres the thing I NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS THOUGHT THIS WAS A PROBLEM. I of course, went to porn because my sex life was so unsatisfying. Not performing is humiliating and frankly I got sick of making excuses for myself. The beginning ED caused me to turn to porn, and the porn caused me to use more porn in a never ending cycle of wtf. My sex consisted of having the chick come over, and do her as quick as possible to not lose my erection. My prolactin release would then let the masturbation satiate me for another 1-2 weeks before I would feel like I needed to go to pound town with a real woman again. My routine became sex twice a month when this would happen. In fact, during the past 5 years a new habit developed. Id have the coitus, and then I would RUSH HOME TO SPANK MY MONKEY. This is one of those things that make you go hmm moments (90's song guys, are you feelin me). Even at that point, me and my self proclaimed superior intellect dint make the connection. While talking to women via text, or sexting as we call it, Ive had a few women even lay down the line "lol you watch too much porn". Another clue? Perhaps! Oh, let me also add, ANOTHER CLUE, was that I would ....fantasize about other women during sex so I could finish. I was having delayed ejaculation pretty bad at this point. Yes I was lasting long, but it was a constant fight to keep the boner and do the job. Not fun. Also let me point out that most of the time I wasn't even fantasizing to porn, but to other women Ive met or had sex with in the past. Wtf is THAT shit.

So a month ago I'm surfing the net, and I don't even remember what I googled to have brought me here. But then its fucking BOOM, its like 78 me's around the world are writing my story for all to see and seeking help. I watched the videos on yourbrainonporn.com and my mind was blown.

Could my sex have been the result of a reliance on fantasy and subsequent porn? I don't want to get too excited and say it is, but if not this is just a ridiculous coincidence. So I am now in the process of rebooting. What concerns me is the lack of withdrawal symptoms. And the fact that I just tried to wank it and had a very lackluster boner, but I'm going to stick with it and give it a try. If you don't think my ED is from this porn thing please feel free to chime in. Im also afraid if this is in fact my diagnosis, that Ive done permanent damage to my brain and will never be able to be in a real relationship ever again (10 years of masturbating 3-6 times a day? Thats the most extreme case Ive read around here).

Ive started my reboot on Sep 6 and have had probably on average a sexual encounter once a week with the aid of levitra.

If anyone has had a similar situation as I please post here and let me know how you're doing and your thoughts. Thank you for your time!

LINK -

Blog - Dejection, lack of meaningful relationships, and wtf my cock won't work

by lethstang


12-2-11

Relapses are real guys ( I know this sounds obvious to you but I really didn't believe in them. I think you really have to put the time in so something *clicks* back over in your brain. A Lot of half measures may get some results but from my experience wont result in full healing). Stop the porn (was easy for me), stop the fantasy (this....is one of the hardest things ever. Control my thoughts? ). If youre like me and are continuing to have sex throughout your reboot, I believe lack of fantasy during sex is key. Try concentrating on the woman and don't let your thoughts wander. Don't let your mind wander into seeing you two from a third persons perspective (like you are watching porn). Or better yet, just don't have the sex during reboot. Four months may seem like a long time, but trust me, after its up and you look back and you didn't follow the steps, you feel like a complete shit-bag for cheating yourself.

Evidence is starting to stack up for me that we have to stop all sex during the reboot. If I could go back four months ago and start over, Id do it without the sex. There are plenty of women out there....don't jeopardize your reboot because you don't want to lose the one you're with unless you're already very invested. Its been four months for me and I could have been done by now! I still have my chick, and I still have a sex drive, but I'm about to quit all the sex for four months. I will sacrifice this relationship so I can have a marriage and children later. If life were easy guys, everyone would win at it. There are much worse problems to have out there than this. Hereditary disease, deaths of loved ones, poverty. This is fucking CANDYLAND.

We deal with the consequences of our decisions. Make the right choices yall.


127 today (3-24-12)

No sex yet, unfortunately. I feel ready to go at any time though haha. Did my best a couple nights ago, but alas. I think it might happen next weekend. I'm in an odd situation financially right now, so haven't exactly been seeking it. I feel done and ready to re-wire. I do feel like I'll make progress over the next 2-3 months even though I'm unwired. I think I was pretty deep as far as addiction goes (I've done porn sessions of 8-12 hours before multiple times). I didn't have an ED problem- more delayed ejaculation. But I do think all the 60-90 days talk is kind of sugar-coating it. Though, I will say, I have drunk a lot of alcohol during my reboot and definitely haven't done it perfect. But I think people should dig in for the long haul. I would say starting about Day 110 is when I suddenly turned a big corner and started gaining rapidly. Biggest factors in my opinion- no intentional O's, healthy diet, good workouts (lots of cardio and strength training).


7-29-12

So an update. My experiment of only having sex with women (and not by myself) is being ended today. I hope. LOL. My last attempt at a full reboot ended in about 4 days as soon as i was offered a bj.

What Ive found -

I went from complete ED to now having a low libido and sporadic ED. I have the desire to have the sexy time 1-2 times a week. My boner never gets rock hard, but about 60-80% throughout intercourse. I don't switch up positions for fear of losing it, but I can certainly have successful sex now. the few times i experiment with touching it, the erection becomes fuller and more than adequate.

So, I tried. Its been 10 months so now Im just going do the real reboot. I don't have to tell you guys how rough it is not getting laid, but here I go (again). Im so thankful I found this place!


8-18-12

I'm seeing this woman now. I spend the night and we will dry hump, fool around (i keep her from touching me). Ill give her oral and feel her up and we just enjoy each others company. When we get hot and heavy she will anally stimulate me (but not to completion). Will this slow my reboot?

If it wont, should i not let her hand stimulate me? I know one of our problems is having getting used to the hand.

Thanks for your time.


October 1, 2012

LINK - Yep , it sure did work after 10 years of shame

Ok guys,

I've been at it for a solid year. I found yourbrainonporn, then reuniting, and finally this place.  Well, not solid. Ive relapsed quite a bit. I have probably gone a month at a stretch. But most of my relapses were with real sex. Anyways, this phenomena is real. Had sex once last night, and then again this morning. I'm not 100% yet but 10 years of damage will take some time. Had sex sporadically the past month too and everything was fine. My humble advice to everyone is -

- structure your life. Go to the gym. Set goals. You need to keep busy so you're not home wanking it and feeling sorry for yourself. This way, not only are you looking forward to your reboot ending, you also have other goals you're achieving concurrently to help you get there. For me it was throwing myself into school, working out religiously and with intensity, and becoming a health nut.

- Do some kegels. IDK if it helped but it sure helped mentally.

- avoid the temptation to "check" your winky to see if its working. That will usually turn into a wankfest. Its going to work guys. I was effed up for TEN YEARS, my entire twenties. If it worked for me, its going to work for you. I understand you think you may be one of the ones who is an outlier. I sure did. You have to get past that and trust in the method.

- don't even stroke it. Ever. When you wake up in the morning with your log, hop out of bed...don't half dry hump your bed. You don't want to give in to temptation.

- when having the sexytime, don't imagine anyone else but your partner. Stare at her. Be involved in the process. Look at her as a human being and not as a porn star.

Keep your chin up guys. You're going to get through. Its going to work. I have been to the promised land and IT IS GOOD.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you think I can help you. I will give back to the community in any way I can. Thank You Marnia, Bob, and all the posters here who supported me!

My last step is informing my Dr who sent me to two urologists to help me. I pray we can inform the medical community so other young men can get help.

 


 

18 months later after relapsing and once again developing PIED

stick with it guys

February 02, 2014

after time, my morning wood is coming back. im having vivid sex dreams (my sex dreams used to be, no shit, gettinga  chick naked and then not performing or performing weakly.  Now its as soon as I get close, raging hardon.  Waking up and stopping the wet dream).  Morning woods where I walk to the bathroom fully erect and have to pee in the bathtub are back.

There has been no linearity.  One day progress just happens.  Then stalls.  Then happens.

Trust in the process.  Set your goals.  Dont frequent these message boards too much.

Source:  I was cured once, relapsed, and have been struggling to reboot for all of 2013.  This one is working.  Having sex with partners either halts, or slows my progress its impossible to tell which.

For ME, lack of orgasm, with myself AND with partners, is the key.

HE ADDED.......

As the poster who Hollow is referring to said, he would have sex and then go into a long flatline.  That would happen to me too.  When I was cured, it took a good 4-6 times of having sex for me to get the "real" boners back (after my no pmo reboot).  That was from three months of no pmo, no rewiring.  the 4-6 times was my rewiring.

Since then, Ive done a two month stint right.  Then I had real sex 4-6 times and did not get my "real" boner back.  This is why I am firmly in the camp that the hard reboot is a must for some people.  so the abridged version :

July - oct 2012 no PMO, even with partners.  Had sex 4-6 times.  bad sex.  half wood sex.  Then BAM, effortless hard erections.  Cured.

Relapsed through masturbation and fantasy alone! wtf

Went two months no PMO, then started having sex with partners.  Tried for weeks, never got the good boners back.  Failed.  Not cured.

So, now Im doing another hard reboot.  I respect for some, they dont need a hard reboot but it looks to me like its what works.

Also, back when I first started rebooting, the very first time.  I did a no PMO for a good month and was like, fuck this I would rather just quit the PM , and keep having my bad sex with chicks.  It will eventually get better as I rewire.  This NEVER worked.  I kept having sex for a year and while it got better, I still did not get the effortless, solid erections I got when I was cured after my real , 4 month hard reboot.  It had been so long since I had a real erection, when I finally got one again...well life was good.

For me personally, quitting the PM isnt an issue anymore.  Its "can I make it months without fucking a chick so I can really be cured".  This is the only thing thats worked for me.  I cant even count how many times ive tried a 1-2 month no PMO, tried to rewire, and not be cured.  Its not linear, you pass a hump, your brain sets back to its natural pathway, and suddenly that boners back.  In my experience at least.

IDK mates.  I recently read a reboot account where the chap still masturbated to fantasy, and a 3 month reboot worked for him.  Either we are all different, or we have varying degrees of effupedness and some of us can get by with a soft reboot whereas others need a hard one.


 

Cured. then relapse, now cured again

April 25, 2014 Well dudes, Im cured again.  The short version, i did a reboot, was good for a few months, relapsed, had all of my symptoms back again, then did another 3 month reboot of no pmo and now im back in action.  Original success can be read here  http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=2937.msg45117#msg45117.    Now, what I can contribute from this time around is, once your reboot is done, I had a long rewiring period.  First few times failed sex.  Then, I would have to get head first before penetration.  Now, its becoming hard during foreplay.  No failed bones.  So keep this in mind, some of you will respond this way.  Others are rock hard right after the reboot.

The only problem now is trying to get laid everyday.  Though the libido was slow in returning, Im now wanting to do it everyday which is a huge improvement, even from my first success where I only wanted it 1-2x a week.

Time heals it guys.  Keep it up!


 

FINAL UPDATE - success again. Second reboot

Ok

So I found this place a few years ago and rebooted. I did a 3 month hardmode reboot (back then it wasnt considered hardmode.  It was the only way we rebooted).  I was successful. I am reprinting my original success story here in italics -

Ive been at it for a solid year. I found yourbrainonporn, then reuniting, and finally this place.  Well, not solid. Ive relapsed quite a bit. I have probably gone a month at a stretch. But most of my relapses were with real sex. Anyways, this phenomena is real. Had sex once last night, and then again this morning. Im not 100% yet but 10 years of damage will take some time. Had sex sporadically the past month too and everything was fine. My humble advice to everyone is -

- structure your life. Go to the gym. Set goals. You need to keep busy so youre not home wanking it and feeling sorry for yourself. This way, not only are you looking forward to your reboot ending, you also have other goals youre achieving concurrently to help you get there. For me it was throwing myself into school, working out religiously and with intensity, and becoming a health nut.

- Do some kegels. IDK if it helped but it sure helped mentally.

- avoid the temptation to "check" your winky to see if its working. That will usually turn into a wankfest. Its going to work guys. I was effed up for TEN YEARS, my entire twenties. If it worked for me, its going to work for you. I understand you think you may be one of the ones who is an outlier. I sure did. You have to get past that and trust in the method.

- dont even stroke it. Ever. When you wake up in the morning with your log, hop out of bed...dont half dry hump your bed. You dont want to give in to temptation.

- when having the sexytime, dont imagine anyone else but your partner. Stare at her. Be involved in the process. Look at her as a human being and not as a porn star.

Keep your chin up guys. Youre going to get through. Its going to work. I have been to the promised land and IT IS GOOD.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you think I can help you. I will give back to the community in any way I can. Thankyou Marnia, Bob, and all the posters here who supported me!

My last step is informing my Dr who sent me to two urologists to help me. I pray we can inform the medical community so other young men can get help.

That was two years ago.  A month later, I felt so powerful downstairs that I edged for a bit to fantasy.  ED reared its ugly head again and I was back to square one.  What followed were a series of mini reboots, I figured it wouldnt take  me as long as the first one.  I was wrong and never got over the ED. 

Finally we come to my last, successful reboot. It was a 3 month "hardmode".  As before, the first few times back at sex werent stellar.  A week or two in, my boners are effortless.  I bust a little quick for my liking and my recovery time is measured in days, but its working.  I have no complaints. 

So here are my musings as a successful two timer.

Over the years this forum has gone to a place of discussion to a place of rampant misinformation and the blind leading the blind.  Do not come here for advice and info.  Go to YBOP and become an expert on that info.  Then do your reboot.  Come here for support and to see that there are others in your situation.

Some people can reboot and regain their health with only quitting porn.  Some people need to abstain from orgasm.  Just do the hardmode and get it out of the way, as you dont know which you are.  Do it the safe way, dont gamble. 

If you are suffering from anxiety or depression , start seeing a therapist.  Even the most mentally fit people do so because it works.

Dead dick phase is a blessing.  Youre not tempted to PMO.  Ride that horse as long as your body lets you.   

No seeing women romantically while rebooting.  Youre going to start drinking, one thing will lead to another, and youre going to do her.  Your orgasm will set back your reboot.  I tried for an entire year to reboot without P or M, but had O with a partner.  It didnt work, though it has for others Ive read. 

I would say goodluck but there isnt any luck involved.  Dont make my mistakes and take the two year approach.  Do it right the first time and hard mode it three months.