Age 30s - More confidence & focus, less anxiety, happier, better erections
I’m now on day 99 of a no porn, masturbation or orgasm reboot. In the past 99 days, I’ve gone from masturbating 3 to 5 times a day to having total control over my desires. After one more day, I’m going to have a blue star and I wanted to give you the blueprint for my success.
But before I do that, I first want to thank everyone on this site. Although I don’t post much, I definitely have been reading a lot of your stories and drawing inspiration from them. I would also like to thank Underdog and the other moderators for setting this all up…believe it or not, the Hall of Fame was actually a strong motivator for me (more on that later)
Anyway, on to my “blueprint”
Background: Mid 30s, pretty typical background for a heavy user: 3-5x a day for most of my adult life. Escalated to fetish porn, etc… Successfully completed the reboot on my first try.
Step 1 (First Two Weeks): Motivation and Willpower
Key Thought: Find Your Motivation
I think that every time you start on a difficult journey, you need a strong source of motivation. On the surface, my motivation was porn induced ED. I’m in my mid 30s now, and I got to the point where it was pretty bad and was a major source of embarrassment.
The tipping point for me was when I brought a girl home and tried fucking her with a 30% hard on. I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried having sex with a 30% hard on, but it’s a nightmare – you’re MUCH smaller, you’re soft and you will last for over an hour.
Although lasting for an hour might seem cool to some guys, it’s pretty pathetic when you’re trying to push a small soft dick into a woman that’s clearly not enjoying it. It finally got to the point where she just told me to stop.
As you can imagine, I went home feeling like a loser.
In fact, I didn’t just feel like a loser, I knew I was a loser.
And that was the real motivation for me …I was tired of being a loser. I was tired of waking up at noon, jerking off all day, dressing like a bum and eating shitty food. Women weren’t attracted to me, and when I did sleep with a woman it was such a poor performance that she wouldn’t return my calls.
Step 2 (Weeks 1 – 6): Replace “Bad” dopamine sources with “Good” dopamine sources
Key Thought: Start developing good habits immediately
Okay, so I know that dopamine is simply a neurotransmitter (and therefore can’t actually be “good” or “bad”) but for the sake of argument, I’m going to make that classification based on the source of the dopamine.
Now, I’m not a scientist - so please take this with a grain of salt - but here is my understanding of how dopamine effects the addiction cycle (btw, this is all taken from YBOP, so most of you already know this, but I’m going to go over it again in the interest of being thorough):
First off, your body needs dopamine – it’s essential to the proper functioning of your brain and nervous system. When your dopamine levels get low, you are susceptible to ADHD, anxiety and depression.
Now, for the purpose of this argument, there are two ways to get dopamine: 1) instant gratification (which we will call “bad” dopamine) and 2) sustained moderate dopamine production (which we will call “good” dopamine).
When your dopamine levels get too low, you tend to go for the “bad” dopamine (instant gratification). The problem with this (which is well documented on YBOP), is that it’s the main cause of the addiction cycle: when your dopamine is low, you tend to crave the “quick spike” of dopamine (i.e. you binge); this binge desensitizes your brain, so when you come down your dopamine is lower; this increases cravings even more and starts the addiction cycle
So the trick to beating the addiction is to never let your dopamine levels get too low. So if you can start creating a steady stream of “good” dopamine, you can greatly reduce the cravings and give yourself a chance to beat the addiction.
So your first job is to minimize or completely eliminate as many “bad” sources of dopamine as possible. When I say “bad” sources, I’m referring to the large / short-term blasts of dopamine that put you on the addiction cycle. Some examples of “bad” dopamine and how I eliminated or reduced them:
1. Porn and masturbation (full elimination - obviously, that’s the main point of the site!)
2. Orgasm (not necessarily a “bad” source of dopamine, but for purposes of this reboot I eliminated it for 100 days)
3. Alcohol (cut back to once a week or less)
4. Sugar and processed foods (cut back to once a week or less)
5. Weed and other drugs (completely eliminated)
6. TV (didn’t eliminate TV, but did cut back some)
7. Nicotine (I know I should cut back, but this is tough!)
8. Internet (didn’t specifically cut back, but used a lot less because of the no PMO thing)
9. Video games (don’t play them, but would cut back / eliminate if I did)
The second step is to replace these vices with healthy “good dopamine” habits. This is vital to reducing cravings, but it also serves another purpose –forming good habits can get you out of the house and keep your mind occupied, which is vital to beating the addiction. Examples of “good” dopamine sources:
1. Exercise: weight training, high intensity cardio, walking
2. Diet: Eat “clean”. Limit processed foods like sugar, refined carbs, dairy, processed meats, alcohol, etc… For an example check out the Paleo Diet, Slow Carb diet, The Whole9 diet or (if you really need carbs) the Mediterranean diet
3. Mental stimulation: Replace some of your TV time by reading a book every day (you get a double benefit if you do this before bed, as it will also greatly help your sleep)
4. Sleep: Try to get 8 or 9 hours a night
5. Social life: Try to hang out with friends, go on dates (OKcupid, Plenty of Fish, etc…), join local groups, etc… Basically, get out of the house and interact with people. If you’re depressed, this will help a lot (note: if you’re depressed, you’re not going to feel like going out, but you have to force yourself…it will help!)
6. Sex: I decided to have non-orgasmic sex during my reboot. By “non-orgasmic sex”, I mean 90% foreplay and M2F oral, and <10% Karezza. Choosing to have non-orgasmic sex can be a risky decision, so I’ll leave it up to you. I’ve listed the pros and cons below:
Pros of non-orgasmic sex:
i. I think it’s helpful for the reboot, as you're strengthening the neural pathways that involve attraction to real women (while letting the pathways that involve porn die)
ii. Intimacy is great for brain health and is great source of “good” dopamine
iii. Ironically, the fact that you can’t orgasm makes you a MUCH better lover – it makes you more patient and, since you can’t orgasm, you can learn to refine other skills, such as oral sex (if you’re interested, I actually have other posts on this site that detail my “sexual education” – in short, I have used the past 100 days to become much more competent in bed)
Cons of non-orgasmic sex:
i. It’s very hard to do, and it’s pretty risky. That’s why 90% + of the ‘sex’ I have is M2F oral. Although I “stick it in” from time to time, I make sure never to go for more than a minute…it’s just too risky.
ii. At first, it can be difficult to explain to a woman why you can’t orgasm (although most will understand)
iii. Did I mention that it’s hard to do?
After a few weeks on step 2, you’re really going to notice some big changes: you’re going to be more confident, have a clearer head and avoiding PMO is going to get a lot easier. A lot of the time you’ll be in a flatline (so you won’t think about PMO), but even when the cravings do come back (and they will) it will be much easier to control them.
Step 3 (Weeks 6+): Take Pride in the Process
Key Thought: Just win baby!
I originally intended to do a 60 day no P,M or O reboot. Because I was having sex, I didn’t want to wait a full 90 to 100 days to orgasm. But along the way, something changed. In fact, it was a quote by The Underdog on this site. Seems silly, but he said that only 1% of the men on this site ever make it to the Hall of Fame. That means that fewer than 1% of men can make 100 days...
This sparked something in me – I started to stick with the program because I wanted to achieve something that most men cannot.
You see, I’ve been ‘weak’ for much of my life: I’ve failed hundreds of diets, quit numerous workout plans, been addicted to weed and (to a lesser extent) alcohol, been fired from my job, carried large credit card debts, been dumped and ‘friend-zoned’ by almost every girl imaginable etc…
But this time I decided I was going to be different. I decided that I was going to be strong – stronger than 99% of all men.
And this view has changed everything. In fact, a few weeks ago one of my friends asked me: if your dream girl came up to you right now and said “I’ll sleep with you right now, but if you say no, that’s your only shot” would you do it?
For me, the answer is an unequivocal “no”. People don’t understand this. They (jokingly) laugh and tell me I’m crazy.
But the truth is, (and anyone that has made it to 100 days should understand this), it’s not that I’m crazy, it’s that they are weak.
Because isn’t that the ultimate definition of being a man? To be able to own yourself and rise above your animal instincts?
Because I’m fucking tired of being a loser – I’m tired of being controlled by my stomach, my dick, my laziness, my fear of approaching women, etc… And I realize that the first step to being a winner is to sacrifice – to take the road that few men are willing to take.
As Jerry Rice said: “Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't”
Btw, if this last part offends you or makes you angry – that is, if you haven’t been able to reach 100 days and don’t like being called “weak” – then use that anger. Because unlike most areas of life, whether you succeed or fail on this journey is totally up to you. It’s in your power to decide whether you will be a winner or a loser. And take it from a guy that has failed at most things, it’s within your power to do this!
So, the great irony of my journey is that it hasn’t fully cured my main problem – which is erectile dysfunction. It has gotten better: In the beginning my dick was pretty much dead, even with porn use. But now I’m a) getting spontaneous ~60% morning erections, b) have had a few short-lasting 100% erections and c) regained a lot of sensitivity. That said, I’m still not able to achieve an erection that is hard enough for sustained intercourse. Nevertheless, I’m going to stay the course, and although I do plan on orgasming after my 100 days, I’m going to try 100 days without masturbation (purple start) next.
Other than that, this process has had tons of unexpected benefits:
1. I have MUCH less anxiety, I’m much happier and I have more focus
2. I have done something that 99% of men can’t or won’t do…this is a HUGE confidence boost (especially when your friends tell you “I really admire your discipline)
3. I now have a lot more women in my life and I’m having more sex than ever
4. I feel a lot more attractive
5. I lost 25 pounds
6. My voice is deeper
7. I’m MUCH more aggressive with women – I’m less afraid to approach, and less afraid to make the conversation sexual
8. I seem to exude that “raw sexual energy” that you don’t have when you masturbate 5x per day
9. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!
First thing’s first – I’m going to orgasm! I’ve waited 100 days, and now I’m planning a little getaway with one of my “friends” to celebrate.
Next, I still have ED, so I’m going to keep on fighting the good fight. Although I will allow myself to orgasm with women, I’m going to go for a purple star next. Hopefully the next 100 days will cure the remaining ED problems (I also read one report of a guy that got cured his ED after he orgasmed for the first time, so I’m hoping that will be the case for me!)
I know that 100 days seems tough. After all, when I started I thought there was no way I would last 100 days. After all, I’ve failed at many things, so I didn’t have a lot of hope that I would see this through.
But I did, and I did it by following the above steps.
And if you want to get started now, here is my tip for you:
Forget about going 100 days, just go 21 days without P,M or O. But in those 21 days, I want you to do four things for me:
1. Eat right – follow the paleo or slow carb diet
2. Get 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night
3. Lift weights x3 a week, and do vigorous cardio x1 per week (e.g. sprinting)
4. Go out at least 3-5x a week. Ideally, go on as many dates as possible (use Match.com or OKcupid if necessary). If that isn’t possible, hang out with your friends as much as possible. If you don’t have any friends, join a local group. In short, even if you have to go sit at a bar alone, get out of your house and interact with people!
Again, just make it 21 days and then re-evaluate. Because the truth is, if you can make it through these 21 days (and do the other 4 things), then 100 will be a breeze!
Remember: “Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't”
Anyway, if you have any questions, just reply to this message and let me know.