Age 31 - ED: depression went away, more successful at my job, AND relapse

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A word to the wiseI  am a 31yo heterosexual male. And I would like to tell you my story of PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction) and before and after NoFap.

I lost my virginity in my early 20's with my first girlfriend, that I stayed with for 6 years. Before this relationship I only fapped to Playboy or mellow lesbian porn. I had no ED what so ever, the opposite was even true. During this relationship my sexual preferences became more extreme by discovering internet porn. This resulted in less to no sex with my girlfriend and ultimately the loss of interest in my girlfriend all together. I still loved her very much but she did not interest me like she used to. I though she was the problem and that had grown tired of her (also sexually).

After this relationship I got a new girlfriend pretty fast. She happened to be a prude and not at all into the things I watched online. So my ED was even worse. Still not blaming internet porn, I decided that my "performance anxiety" was so strong that sex with a girl was out of the question. And I would live a celibate life for the rest of my life with only porn to cater to my sexual needs.

Not looking for a girlfriend anymore, I became irresistible to women. I was super relaxed among them because I was genuinely not interested. This gave me a HUGE confidence boost. Talking to women became a game for me. This went on for about 2 years of frequenting a lot of parties and bars and I became a real player. I got all the perks of talking and playfully touching a woman with no fear of rejection.

Then I stumbled onto the TEDx video that explained porn addiction. And it was like the heavens opened up to me. And I quit porn that same day and made it to a year without one relapse. And it worked. My depressions went away, I became more successful at my job, I got out of bed easier, picked op on sports, reading, etc. I started dating online and I found a nice girl that was living pretty far away and after about a month of chatting and e-mailing back and forward she invited me to come and spend the weekend with her. Although the idea was that I would sleep on the couch, I never made it there. We had sex everyday (sometimes twice) for 3 days. We agreed that a relationship was not possible because of the distance and we left it at a fun weekend.

A couple months later I met a girl nearby and it was an instant crush. We hooked up pretty fast and to my surprise she was very open minded in the bedroom. This made my insecure, I didn't want to fall behind (she was very driven). I went to my doctor and explained my ED, she gave me a sample of 4 Viagra pills to give me "a confidence booster". I was a skeptic on Viagra so I tried taking a half pill when I was on my own. Just thinking about sex gave my a boner that was build to last. This is where it all went wrong.

After my relationship ended (never actually using the Viagra) I was alone after a porn-like sexual relationship. Having a sure way out of my ED with Viagra and no girlfriend, the little devil on my shoulder said: "lets fap, you have been clean for over a year, you can handle a once a week, you don't even have to watch porn." So i did. Before I knew it I was back to where I was 1.5 years ago before the TEDx video. My depressions came back, my work was getting sloppy. I was back to square one.

Now I am back on the NoFap program for 4 days now and it is hard. Harder then before. But I know I will flatline after 2 weeks I just need to make it to that point and I will be on my way. I thought I could manage my addiction but my addiction managed me. I'm not going to make that mistake again. I know if I make it to 2 months it gets a lot easier and after 6 months I wont even think about PMO anymore. I'm going to stop typing now, I feel some blue balls coming on. ;)

Peace out! I hope my stupidity taught you a lesson, it certainly taught me.

LINK - 1 year of NoFap the rise and the fall

by chivhy