Age 31 - Healed relationship, sex is great

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It’s been over my initial 42 day goal and I promised myself I would share my story (if I had one) thus far. About a year ago my fiance (24f) found out that I (31m) watched porn and masturbated to it. She didn’t mind at first since she thought it was rather infrequent.

 But when we talked, she found out it was much more frequent - 3-5’s a week. It strained our relationship because, IMO it made her feel like she wasn’t enough. I didn’t see the big deal and neither did my male friends. I was numb to how this made her feel.

About 2 months ago, my fiance of 2.5 years broke up with me. She said she was unhappy but when we talked about it more, I discovered that she wasn’t attracted to me anymore. In her words, she said she lost that warm, fuzzy feeling of being in love with me, feeling wanted and was generally unhappy. Porn and masterbating was a huge factor for her.

Fast forward a few weeks I stumbled on this subreddit, read it over and committed myself to abstaining from PMO to improve myself. After about a week I started to have very strong sexual urges but they went away after about 8 hours. They were a real bear to deal with - very distracting I could barely work or do anything. I could also start to feel “the fog” starting to lift after about two weeks. Not gone but I was noticeably clearer minded. I started to become more active in my everyday activities again and find enjoyment in them that I hadn’t had in a long time. The big kicker was I started to notice women noticing me, usually just a look I would catch out of the corner of my eye, maybe some eye contact. I could never really prove it but I will swear that I looked more manly in my face.

My ex and I have a child together so we had to spend some time together (working out schedule, family events), even if just to exchange our kid. I noticed that she noticed changes in me: she followed my lead when we had to spend time together and bantered back and forth when the chance came up.

Fast forward 6 weeks, she texts me and tells me that she needs closure because someone told her that she was talking about missing me in her sleep. We talk it out and commit to working on the relationship (whole other story).

We’ve been back together for about a month now. Things are great and we have sex frequently where it used to be about once a week. I now get hard if she just brushes up against me - that’s a huge change pre-NoFap. I just can't get enough of her. I still notice some ED troubles but it’s rather infrequent.

Anyway, I wanted to share my story for anyone that has a specific goal in mind and to let them know that success is a real possibility if you 1) know why you’re doing this and 2) know exactly what you want out of this.

Edit: In case anyone is wondering...fuck PMO. Reaching my initial goal is nice, keeping this up for the rest of my life is what I'm really aiming for.

LINK - Success Story 

by touch0ph

Comments

I discovered this site 7/5/13 and stopped PMO all together starting 7/6/13. First couple of days I was somewhat okay because before discovering this site I was able to stop up to I think maybe 9 days before starting up again and being a quick release after those 9 days. As time went on I had to heavly meditate and focus on not doing it. The site says stop thinking about not thinking about porn but it is rather difficult at night when you are attempting to sleep. So when ever I meditated I focused on not thinking it and also meditated on curing my self of this problem. Some nights were alright. Others were like fire and I wanted release. I even hoped for an erotic dream but luckly my body knew I did not really need that so I didn't have one. After 2/3 weeks into the process I finally calmed down to the point where I was able to avoid thoughts of avoiding porn somewhat successfully. I did have an occasional erotic dream where I was with my ex-girlfriend (only girl I had a real sexual experience wtih) but I told her of my reboot in my dream and we stopped from going any further. I woke up after that with a huge erection. I didn't do anything with it because of the reboot process. During this time I was on a dating website searching for a potential life partner. I never used facebook/dating sites/craigslist or anything for a "porn fantasy". Facebook was simply used to keep in touch with old friends and craigslist was looking for deals on things to buy. Anyways I found a nice girl and I started getting to know her. So far we are getting along just fine. At this stage there is no point in mentioning about my reboot process since it is rather inappropriate. Well after several long conversations and dates we started making out nothing under the clothes and no grinding. We simply just kissed a lot. Thats when I realized that I got a semi erection. I was not rock hard but I was semi-hard and that has not happened in a long time. The last time I got an erection while kissing was in high school with my girlfriend at the time. That was on Day 29!!! I do not get daily erections like I used to when I used to do PMO every day but I realize now that without a partner or real person simulus thats the way it should be. I am now on day 31 of my reboot and I have not felt the need to PMO. I have not been tempted to look at PMO and I have not had any erotic fantasies that tempt me to PMO. Thats not to say that I don't wonder about my current girl but I never let it get that far since we do no know each other that well yet.

A little tips for rebooters:
Meditate!!! Although the site says stop thinking about porn and porn fantasies it's really hard to do it starting off. So if your not trying to sleep do something else to take your mind off it.. read a book/ exercise/ anything to distract you. After you get over that little hurdle and able to somewhat control your thoughts in that regard you can start focusing on things you want to improve on your life. Like things you have always wanted to do. For me it was to learn a foreign language. I never had time before but after giving up PMO I found I had a lot of time now. After a while you look back and realize that hey I haven't thought about it or tried to PMO for X amount of days. That is cause for celebration... just don't PMO or it will defeat the purpose of your celebration.

Oh and if you feel out of control and need to look at something look at the forums for your brain on porn or your brain rebalanced. Write something and that can help sometimes. Just don't visit the sites too often or you will be constantly reminded of porn.

Things I have noticed.

1. My balls feel fuller since I stopped PMO.
2. My mind is now normalizing somewhat (During the early stages of the reboot process I had issues focusing and my eyes kinda constantly jumped around the room looking around)
3. Early stages of reboot you will probably feel horny as hell and will be willing to jump at anyone who shows similar interests RESIST!!! Some nights I was tempted to join a site that tailored no commited relationships but I never did it because I RESISTED!!
4. You notice the opposite sex a lot more (well depending on your sexual preference... not here to judge)
5. Early stages my heart sometimes was pounding all the time and my head felt off.. like being heart broken after a bad breakup. Which makes sense considering we are basically stopping the brain from getting it's daily fix of PMO. But like all heart broken situations we get better as time goes on.
6. Have faith!! I am a spiritual non-religious man. Basically what that means that I believe in a higher power but I do not believe that anyone religion has it right. We are all mortals on this earth and we as mortals are incapable of understanding the the higher power. Religion may touch and have a very infinitesimal understanding of what it is but that is what I believe in. What I meant by have faith is that you need to have faith that the process is working and that daily updates/checks will not help your reboot process it will discourage you. It's like painting a picture. If you check after every stroke you will see nothing of what you want as an end result and see little to no progress. Plus every time you check your painting you stop working on it to get to the end. Which means it takes longer so don't worry about checking progress you will be fine.

I hope this helps those who are rebooting I know this site has put me on the path of recovery and I am eternally thankful for finding it.