Age 32 - I'm now cured. I got my brain back. I'm happy.
Well, first of all - I'm in my early 30s and married and I now realize how fucked up my life was until recently. Not on the outside, but from the inside. Every alone time I had was dedicated to PMO, which caused me to be very unsettled and cranky. I used to spend hours on MyFreeCams, sexting with a girl I used to fuck, masturbating and avoiding doing anything else. Not only that, I had sexual thoughts all the time, and I mean ALL the time. And all of this was kept inside - no one knew but me... It made me sick, but I couldn't resist the urge to PMO.
Let me tell you when I realized I was cured - It happened yesterday, when I heard that a very sexual video of the amazing Abigail Spencer was leaked. She is one of my favorite actresses - smart, funny, beautiful and very, very sexy. So I decided I was ready for the ultimate test... I downloaded the videos (wait with the bashing...) and watched...
My first reaction was "Oh my god... Abigail Spencer is probably my new hero!". Why? because she is not only smart, beautiful, funny and sexy, she is also probably one of the coolest girls around. She filmed herself and sent it to her loved one, and it probably did the trick - how lucky is he?
And then I deleted the videos and thought to myself: "Leaking those videos and keeping them is one of the lowest thing a person can do. they are meant for someone else, by a woman that is not afraid of her own sexuality, and anyone taking advantage of her should be damned". How on earth can someone MO with those videos and not feel like a total scumbag? If that incident might cause her to not send another video like that to her loved one, that is outrageous. I hope she doesn't give a f*** about anyone and doesn't feel too embarrassed right now - She is normal and healthy, unlike all the fappers watching it and fapping. I had no urge whatsoever, not even the slightest hard-on. Believe me, if that was released three months ago, I would have gone crazy over her videos.
How did I do that? Well, three things contributed to my success. First, installing the K9 web filter. Second, dealing with my procrastination habit. Yes, it is very related. Learning techniques to help me being more productive and focused helped me avoiding the urge to turn to PMO whenever I tried to do something useful when I was alone. I learned how to gain focus and control my emotions toward tasks. Third, and a very important step, I became a feminist. Yes. I did. And that is one of the most liberating things I ever did in my life. I gained a whole new perspective on society and realized how wrong and one sided it is. I look at women entirely different now with so much more respect and appreciation. I used to think I appreciate women, but you are not doing so when you ALWAYS rate the fuckability of women when you look at them. This is what society made us do. I'm now free of that sick habit and I recommend everyone to check out the excellent Youtube channel called Feminist Frequency. It changed my life, and it can change yours. All you have to do is NOT automatically saying the feminists are wrong, and DO try to understand their arguments.
I'm now cured. Cured as in I can see porn and not getting turned on, not thinking about sex when a naked woman in a nude beach walk by, as in not having to avoid sexual content. I'm in peace with the oversexualization around me and I TRUST myself not having any relapse again... NEVER... I got my brain back. I'm happy.
I hope this might inspire you, and I'm here to help you in any way I can.
Hi guys (and some gals, I presume),
It has been a long while since I last posted here. The investigators among you while check and find out that I had my farewell post, in which I stated I will not be posting here again. A deeper investigation will reveal the controversial method I used and a weird (but true) story.
So why am I here again? I just have something very important to share with you.
A quick glance over the abundance of posts in the various forums reveal something that is crucial but is too often gets overlooked - and this something is the thing I discovered time and time again during my redemption.
A short "in the last episode of..." for those non-investigators among you. I decided one day to never PMO again and I succeeded. after a while I started testing myself to see if it holds up: watching provocative scenes in movies or TV series, watching random porn and even hang up with two sex addict friends (a meeting that ended with the two of them having sex basically in front of me). Those tests were marked as tests and I held up to the challenge. I didn't felt the urge and the yarn to touch my little friend down there. It might be controversial, but it worked for me so well that I helped other I personally know to get rid of their porn addiction (and and one with drug addiction). I did not test myself for the last six months as I trust myself completely.
But... I had a few downs during my journey in the last three months where I felt SOMETHING that reminded me of the awful porn addiction. I resisted them, but the feeling was bad... I felt my mind fighting me, and I felt my little friend joining my mind. And you know what? the triggers were all NOT SEX RELATED WHAT SO EVER!
In one case I had dealt with a lot of pressure at work and some failures in a project I worked on. In another, I was angry about something. I the last case, I was simply playing GTA 5 for an hour.
It got me thinking about my claims about PMO addiction - It is not the porn that gets you addicted, it is simply the inability to hold ground in the face of difficulties in life. You see, when you face a challenge and you have a hard time dealing with it, your brain HURTS. Neurologically, it acts the same way like you are hurting, and it doesn't like it. If you GOT USED to watch porn, which is all too easy to get used to, your brain know it has a way to make itself happy again. You go through the PMO cycle and your brain gets flushed with hormones that makes the pain go away. I doesn't mean you are hooked on porn, but it does mean that your brain is choosing the easy way out. It does that because it is exactly what it needs to do - apply the quickest and easiest fix to the hurt feelings.
As I fought the downs, I paid extra attention to the things I chose to do to fight them off. In the first case I went to talk with my manager and then with my co-workers as a relief. From a man who didn't ask for help, I choose now to ask for help whenever I feel stuck in something. In the second case, I took a deep breath and realized my anger was stupid. I had nothing to do to fix the thing I was angry about, so I chose to explain myself and to my wife why it is OK to have things that anger you in the world. In the third case, which was the hardest one, I chose to stop playing and do something relaxing. I read a book and played with the dog, and it just faded away. My reasoning to that case is that deep inside I regard to playing GTA as a waste of time, but I don't completely agree with myself. I love playing games, but some games feel better than others because I hold them in a different level.
This is the pathology with every addiction - you CHOOSE to fall back to the safe cold hands of the addiction rather than to DEAL with your poor day to day skills. Once you realize you are just hiding behind the addiction, you are truly on your way to be cured.
I will say that again and even more direct - Saying that your weakness is porn is a lie and will not get you to where you want to go. It will take you a certain distance, but there will come a time when you will relapse. Your problem is not Porn, Masturbating or Orgasm. Your problem is your inability to face challenges and difficulties. Improve those and you PMO addiction will be a thing of the past.
If you will simply avoid PMO and do nothing to improve yourself - you are fooling yourself and just blowing smoke in your own eyes.
I hope this might help some of you, as it helped me and some other people.
Take care and don't forget - You are in charge of yourself, good and bad.