Age 32 - Married. One year: I am a different person to what I was a year or so ago.
I guess the title says volumes about how much fapping is at the front of my mind these days! I have a counter widget on my phone and noticed it was a year the other day and thought 'that's nice!'
I am a different person to what I was a year or so ago.
I'm married, early 30s, have a 2 year old kid and another on the way. I've got to say that for the first time in my life, I'm living up to the potential I knew I always had.
It's also been the most difficult year in my life. It started off badly in August 2013 when a very close family member passed away and got worse when I lost my job (Which came with a house and security) and had to move to the other side of the country for work.
I'm proud that through all this it's been something that I've been able to stick with.
I told my wife about 3 months ago and she was really cool about it. She did her research online and has been fully supportive and encouraging. If I fancy sex and she's not in the mood she'll joke that she'll put the effort in seeing as I gave up masturbation. So, it's good that we can joke about it.
The biggest change has been in how I use my time. I enjoy spending time with my family and not waiting for everyone to go to sleep so I can knock one out which means staying up late and then tired in the morning then repeat.
I've become a morning person!
Never, and I mean, NEVER would I believe this would have happened. I get up half an hour before everyone else, have my cup of tea and ease in to the day. I get to work about half an hour early (Not 10 minutes late as I used to for years) and even though it's been one thing after another this year, I'm happy.
After the family death and the job loss, I went to see a councilor to talk some stuff over and while I never mentioned the fapping (it wasnt an issue at the time), it did help and I'd recommend the experience to anyone, even just as a one off.
Looking back at the last year and a bit, I had a few false starts where I'd go a month then relapse. I started this journey in March 2013 and got on my current run just over a year ago.
My advice to anyone starting out or having trouble with relapsing is just to keep going with it. The first day is the most difficult, then the second day is the most difficult then the third day is the most difficult until one day, yesterday was the most difficult. Then it starts to get easy. For me, around the 90-100 day mark was when I started to change. I felt the cravings melt away and it became less of an issue.
Though, after sex or fooling around, I still think of the chaser and try to be extra aware that I'll have the cravings the next day.
I won't go through much else here because there are better people who are more eloquent than me who can give you their stories, I just wanted to stick my little bit up for the one year mark.
I stopped coming here every day around about the 90-100 day mark and when I knew I had stopped coming here so much, I knew I was on the right path.
If you're on day 1, or day 1000, the next day is always a potential trip up. But honestly, it's worth the effort and I wouldn't go back.
LINK - One year two days.
Background - I'm early 30s, been married for 2 years and with my wife for 7. We have a great relationship that was tested just over a year ago by the birth of our new baby. Baby is beautiful, amazing and the best thing that ever happened to us, but lack of sleep took it's toll and we went through a rough patch for about the first 9 months. We came up for air after that and everything has been rebuilding. I'd say we're not only back to normal, but better and stronger than we'd ever been.
My fapping history starts when I was about 12 or 13. I remember there was a tv directory magazine that had an advert hidden in the back with heavily airbrushed bimbo looking girls advertising one of the adult channels. I still remember the first time I MO'd. Was a total surprise but felt good. From there, it just became something that was in my life at least every two or three days, but usually once or twice a day. Once in a blue moon, would be something that would be multiple times in a day.
I was always pretty smart and got on fairly well in life, but I was aware I'd often do the bare minimum to get by. One boss once commented to me that when I was on form, I was easily the best at my job in our company of over 300, but when I wasn't in the mood, I was less than useless. Peaks and troughs. No consistency.
I never had too much trouble with women before I met my wife, but my standards were artificially high and I missed out on a few opportunities that could have been a wonderful experience, but I suppose that's how it goes. My journey ended me up here, where I'm happy.
Moment of clarity
My porn had always been a bit left-field and I was always into latex, shiny clothing and shoes. It did go through phases where it got a bit weird as the usual stuff wasn't getting me off. I never enjoyed sex as much as I used to unless the wife would dress up a bit and I found normal sex to be a disappointment.
One day while browsing my new found cache for porn (Thanks for nothing Reddit!), I came across YBOP and no fap.
I cried. I literally cried because I knew I had a problem. I'd tried to stop before many times but it just never got past a few days. I knew from that moment, I would change. That was about 8 months ago and I view the current 93 day run as still the beginning of that change.
The first run was pretty easy. I was really motivated. Was great. Then it was relapse after relapse for a few months. Then I was on a 30-something day streak (had never really made it past the 30 days) and went on holiday for 3 weeks where I had no internet (I call this doing Nofap on cheat mode!). I came back with over 50 days under my belt and I knew that that number was too big to give up. I could live with losing 30 days, I found it a fairly easy to get to 30 days, but 50-something days was too big an effort to waste. I've found myself edging a few times and said "Come on dick-head, you don't want to throw away xx days. You're better than this and you know it." I pledged to turn off the computer and if I still wanted to fap in 10 minutes, I could. But I never did. Or at least, not yet!
A lot of guys here talk about superpowers. I did notice after a week, I was getting checked out a bit more in shopping malls and out-and-about. Was nice for the ego, but the real superpower was my sudden sex drive. The wife had to put a stop to me pestering her for sex all the time as it was getting a bit too much for her bits! The sex has been amazing, we've really connected and my dick has been solid as stone ever time we've had sex! Better than the semi-flaccid state it would sometimes end up. For the married guys out there who have never gone more than a week without fapping, give it a month and see what happens! You'll never fap again!
In saying that, I was aware of the chaser and that after-sex days were 'danger-days'. So I was hyper- vigilant to avoid any triggers and keep my trusty 'list of things to do instead of fapping' in my wallet. Just in case.
The real superpower for me has been clarity. I've no brain fog, I'm totally motivated and have so much energy. I'm up at 6am every morning (instead of 10 minutes before I have to leave the house), I go to bed at a reasonable hour and the best superpower of them all - I'm happy. Truly happy.
Moodswings Happy now, but around day 50-70, I had the worst mood-swings and felt under a cloud one minute and elated the next. It was difficult to deal with. I imagine this as the last of the 'poison' leaving my porn-brain and my new brain coming in and doing it's thing.
If you are going through the mood-swings, it's difficult, but it passes. It's a relief when you know that's over.
My new life
Well. What's changed?
Work wise (different boss from the last one mentioned), my boss said to me 2 weeks ago he's noticed a real change. He always thought I was a bit lazy but I've upped my game and things have gone amazing. It's a small business and the boss has no kids interested in running it. We've been in discussions in the last few weeks about me buying the business in 5 years when he wants to retire. It's a not a multi-million dollar business, but it's in the top half of the 6 figures in terms of turnover. I directly attribute this to my brain being off porn and the fog gone. I'm motivated to do well.
I've also started a weekend small business which began last weekend. It's started making me a couple of hundred bucks on the weekends and if I push it, could maybe bring in as much as $1,000 over the 2 days. I dont want to push it because I love my time with my family ;) But, this is time I would of spent looking at porn - I used it to develop this small business.
Who I've spoken to about nofap
No one. I'm a bit sad about that. I was too embarrassed to share it with my wife or any friends. I still am. It's a shame I've carried since teenage-hood and I want to be able to tell her, but I'm not sure I can. It's not a burden any more, just want to be able to share the success.
Meditation and yoga are my new best friends. I tried the cold shower thing, but I'm too much of a pussy for it! I make a list of things I'd like to do and learn and keep them on a small bit of paper. I subscribed to lynda.com and have done all that creative shit I said I'd do but never did. I can now code websites pretty well, doing ok with Java, learning about photography and last but not least, spending the time I was fapping doing something creative.
So, I'm cured!
Am I fuck. I have edged a few times over the last 90 days, though not in about 2 weeks. I've looked at a bit of porn, but I'm happy to report it did nothing for me. That was a surprise, a pleasant one.
I don't think I'll ever be cured. I'm afraid one fap will bring down the house of cards I've built. I've too much invested in my future to be infected by brain-fog again and I enjoy the clarity more than I enjoy the PMO. I feel like my thoughts run a lot more freely and my speed and clarity of thought is top notch.
So, what's next
94 days. That's it. No target, no end. I think I've finally kicked the edging and I've definitely kicked the porn.
I'm relieved. I feel like I've been freed from chains and allowed to be myself. I look back on the last 15 years of my life, not as wasted, just as a series of missed opportunities. Don't get me wrong, i've had a good life so far and some good experiences, but it could have easily been a great life and great experiences.
Sorry it's so long. Hope some of the other married guys here can take heart from the story!
I'm happy. My wife is happy. My boss is happy. I do things and I'm organised. Where there was half-assed and chaos, there is now motivation and calm.
Thanks for sticking with this to the end!
TL;DR I stopped fapping for 93 days and it has improved my life beyond measure.