Age 34 - 1 year: To be free from the bondage of pornography is a gift greater than anything

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I've written several long posts over this last year detailing how to be proactive about pornography, and how to overcome. For the anniversary however, I just want to say how thankful I am to be free from pornography.

To be free from the bondage of pornography is a gift greater than anything I can imagine. Yes, the temptations are there. Yes, I could fall at anytime if I don't stay vigilant and honest. But, the life I'm living now is different from my life a year ago. Before, I felt like submitting to the temptation was inevitable. I had surrendered to the siren's call so many times that I thought there was no hope. I didn't know if the fight could be won.

Now I know that it can, and that there are many men out there that have victory. I am very thankful for this subreddit. For all of you in this journey, stay strong and keep up the fight!

LINK - 1 Year

by benawabe896


 

6 MONTHS - The big 6

Hey all, just wanted to do a post on my 6 month mark. Pretty stoked. Just wanted to open it up if anyone had any questions, I'll answer. If you're thinking that you want to start this... do it. It's one of the best things that I've ever done.

Background: I'm 34 and started using pornography at age 12. This addiction was roughly 5 - 7 times a week with binges jumping to ~10 times a day. I've been P free for 180 days, and MO free for 167 days. (MO was without fantasy) Biggest resources have been: this reddit, ybop, porn related Ted's, full complete open disclosure with my wife including answering every question in complete honesty, accountability with my pastor, seeing a marriage counselor every other week, and x3watch.

 


 

ADVICE

One of my hardest times was at the 2 - 3 week mark. Your body is really trying to figure out where it's porn has gone, and how it can get it back. -- Let me tell you a secret about doing this successfully. The strength to abstain comes not from the days that are easy, but from the battles that you survive. It's right now that you have to start thinking proactively about this. Do you really want to do this for the long haul? If you are, now's the time to equip yourself. Here's some things to do:

Triggers

  • Get to know them, and learn from them.
  • The trigger here could have been the dream, or it could have been from something earlier. Doesn't really matter how it got there, just catalog in your brain the origin of it, and be aware that you are now in a triggered state
  • Sex dreams suck, plain and simple. They are about the biggest trigger you can have, and leave you raging horny all day looking for some release. You can either do it nofap, or fap... I'd recommend nofap at this point of your recovery. Consciously bounce the thought out of your brain when it comes in, and say "My name is <name> and I don't look at porn"

Anti-triggers

  • Anti-triggers are an arsenal of things that get your mind out of the heat of the moment, and help remind you of your sane self.
  • My anti-triggers consist of, thinking about the porn industry and how it destroys the people involved. If I have a porn scene that won't go away in my head, I think about what happens once the actors are done. I think the reality of it, and how they are probably both treating themselves for STDs. I think of the woman and how she might be alone, crying in a corner somewhere, depressed about her life. I think about how if I look at porn, I'm contributing to that.
  • This comes later, but I also think about how great my life has become. I've been married 14 years, and my relationship with my wife is amazing. My relationship with my kids is amazing. I'm not chained to the computer / phone trying to gratify myself. Most importantly, I feel much better about myself. I know that sounds selfish, but it's a big motivator to stay away from porn. Life is just better

Misc.

  • Don't fantasize... at all... don't do it. If you are going to fap, think about the feeling, and that's it. No nudity, sex, lingerie, whatever, in the brain. If the trigger jumps in your brain, consciously switch to something else.
  • Get to a place in yourself where you don't need to fap. I fapped early on, but then felt it was unnecessary, and didn't fap for the next 10 months. Of course, don't fap with fantasy.
  • Get some accountability software for your computer and phone. I personally use covenant eyes. I personally feel that I don't really "need" it, but it is so great to think of those devices as off-limits. It's also great that my pastor and my wife can see my internet activity at any time. This obviously makes the porn off limits, but it also makes those grey area sites off limits as well. You know, those ones where you could kind of make a case for accidentally stumbling on them. Accountability software shuts that stuff down.
  • This one was personal to me, but was a huge step in my recovery. You have a wife, have the talk with her. If she doesn't know you have a porn problem, tell her. Then tell her that she can ask any question, and that you'll answer it honestly. It gets messy, and there's a chance that she'll leave you... but it was the best thing I ever did in my life. I had been a porn user for 23 years, and it was the first time in that many years that I didn't have some dark secret stuck in my heart. That's also a good anti-trigger for me... I NEVER want to have something hidden in my heart again. It's not worth it.