Age 34 - ED, but I wasn't addicted to porn

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happy coupleAlthough porn was a problem for me (once to twice a day since age 12, I am 34 now), I was obviously not addicted, because it was no problem cutting it. Reading success stories on yourbrainonporn.com convinced me it was the right idea. I've had lots of sex the last 10 years, but had problems with ED.

Yes, porn desensitized me, and I wasted a lot of time PMO'ing, and after PMO and the girl suddenly wants sex I am sure to fail. And that builds up bad experiences, and builds up PERFORMANCE ANXIETY!

I did reboot 3 months, but after it I was kinda asexual and dead, because I stopped short sexual fantasy and all sexual thoughts.

My keys to great improvement:

  • I got myself two cuddle buddies, two girls I could just have in my arms (not at the same time hehe), cuddle, kiss, be comfortable and open with, but no sex. I told them about reboot. They are now my lovers and friends. I failed horribly with the first girl first time "having sex", I couldn't get hard and ejaculated with soft dick, never happened before! All because of performance anxiety. But after it's been great. It is all about relaxing and being comfortable. If you are not, then forget about sex when your together and don't force it. I will get hard if I relax and stop worrying. Let it happen naturally!
  • I started fantasizing again. Not about porn, but real girls, sex and the scenarios I'd like to have with them. It slowly awakened my penis after three months. It helped getting my sex drive back, together with real intimacy with real girls. And especially dirty talk and texting with them. Humans fantasize, it's normal. Porn is not normal.
  • I'm writing dirty talk with the girls
  • I'm being open and honest (general advice: you don't have to tell everything. Spilling your guts is as ugly as it sounds, and is a turn off for girls. Never cry in front of them). Honesty relives anxiety, makes you relax and gets your dick hard.
  • I stop beating myself up, and I'm accepting myself more! Important.
  • I'm doing cognitive behavioural audio therapy for social anxiety and automatic negative thoughts. This one is VITAL for success and overcoming performance anxiety! Check out https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/social-anxiety-treatment/audio-therapy/overcoming-social-anxiety . It's really the best program out there!
  • I do light masturbation, to fantasy. Sometimes I come (maybe twice per week if I'm not meeting girls), sometimes I don't and enjoy the horny lingering feelings.
  • Get out, be active. Don't sit home being depressed. Being active is the remedy for depression. DO something. Exercise, walk, paint, listen to upbeat music, build someting. Anything.
  • Read and study "Attraction isn't a choice" by David De'Angelo. Pure gold for getting the right mentality towards dating and girls. You can also check out the program at http://www.thesocialman.com/ Lot's of good stuff here for working on your inner self, and attract women. These are two no bullshit Pick Up Artists, and they focus on fixing the inner self to attract girls, not on cheap pick up lines or dumb shit.

This one is controversial but: rebooting is really good for curing porn addiction, but it is a extreme cure. If you are in a relationship and having sex, although sometimes with ED but still use porn a lot, maybe you don't need a full reboot. Maybe it is enough to cut all porn and masturbation, and just continue to have sex. I thought I was an addict, but I wasnt't. It was a habit, not an addiction. For me.

Biggest key for me is stopping to worry. Worry is like a switch to turn off the dick. I read these rational statements to myself every day:

  • I know it works, because I absolutely can get hard! Just relaaaax
  • Don't take life so seriously, lighten up and relax, and have fun!
  • I need some stimulation sometimes, and need some time to get hard, and that's OK
  • I'm OK as I am, I don't need to be superman, or fully hard all the time if it happens
  • Just relax and enjoy the moment, and focus on the partner…
  • No need to put pressure on myself, I'm only human
  • Follow impulses, enjoooooy, keep focus outwards
  • Don't need to be so fancy, keep it simple, relaaaax

Maybe your success story will be different, but just remember that worrying and anxiety is just as bad for as porn addiction and cronic PMO. Don't overlook this! Check out CBT, seems like it's too many people worrying too much here, and beating themselves up too much, either because of ED, failing to abstain form PMO. If you give in during reboot, don't hate yourself and put yourself down, just get back on the horse and carry on, immediately let go of the past. What's done is done. Be nice to yourself! I'm not done working on myself, iI will continue to improve and develop. Look ahead, bright times are coming.

LINK - I'm DONE! Finally doing great! Here are my advice...

by liquidwind