Age 34 - Married: Sex with my wife is amazing - better than I thought it could ever be
Thanks to so many in this community that provided words of inspiration and support. It is a small but significant first step - the first 90 days clean out of 9 million. 34 yrs old - PMO addiction for 20 yrs - married - kept it hidden from her for about three yrs. She has stuck with me through many ups and downs that followed.
I've had significant clean stretches before - about three of them lasting approximately a year each. In each case, overconfidence / lack of vigilance led me back into the pit. We do get better at managing the temptation over time, but if we open the door, the strength of the addiction comes roaring back quickly.
Keys to success:
- Humbling myself to the point where I accepted I could not overcome this problem on my own.
- Telling people very close to me about my problem. This is very challenging, and it is sad that it is - that it is most the difficult to reach out to the people in the best position to help us.
- Changing my mindset to one of complete commitment, relinquishing the desire to keep the door open to PMO ever so slightly, affirming a willingness to sacrifice anything necessary to break free of this addiction.
- Joining a 12-step addiction recovery group and sincerely completing every step to the best of my ability. I was clean for a long time after that. I did eventually fall again, which brings me to...
- Finding this forum, posting every day for the first month, trying to help others as much as I could. It had been years since the addiction recovery group but the day I joined this forum, everything I'd learned, all the strength I'd gained from that group came back.
In my darkest days, I was at a 4+ times per day habit, spending hours viewing porn. I was less interested in sex with my wife than PMO. I was told by my "pastor" (bishop, in my church) who is also a practicing psychiatrist that I was one of the worst cases he'd seen.
It has now been 100 days since I've viewed porn and 90 days since I've masturbated. Sex with my wife is amazing - better than I thought it could ever be. I've accomplished much at work and in service and with my children.
If I can do it, so can you. Decide today. Then start with the fundamentals - internet filters, keep network devices out of your bedroom, set nofap as your homepage, stop watching provocative television. Then get serious. Sit down and write about what you want to accomplish in life. Analyze how PMO is holding you back. Identify specific points of weakness and develop plans to shore up those weaknesses. Then move on to real change - change of habits - drop the bad ones and start good ones. Throughout, track progress and give support to others who struggle.
There will be days when you have a hard time remembering why you started down this path. Just. Keep. Moving. It will all become clear farther down that path.
Much love and respect for the nofap community. Stay strong.
LINK - 90 Day Report