Age 38 - (ED), sexual excitement returning, but still depressed

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New ZealandToday i finally reach my goal of 90 days without PMO. Here's my report, i hope it can be useful to someone.

(Sorry if the English is approximative, it's not my native language.) I am 38 years old.

1) Before nofap

I consider myself to have issues with my sexual behaviour since adolescence. Low self esteem and confidence. Last year, I ruined a 3 years relationship with a nice girl because i could not control myself, face reality and channel my temper. I started a therapy with a psychologist since 8 months to try to have better control on my life. No fap is a part of the process. I experienced some ED too.

2) During my 90 days of NoFap

  • Day 1 - 23 : Horrible urges, i was horny as hell. I edged two times, and even masturbated but without ejaculating. My rule was to avoid porn and no ejaculation, that's why i did not resetted my badge.
  • Day 24 -36 : The flatline started, and i felt really depressed. At the same time, random morning boners occurred, and it was reassuring in a way, showing that my dick works correctly.
  • Day 37 - 54 : First erotic dream. Still in the flatline
  • Day 55 : A very tough day with big urges.
  • Day 56 - 66 : Morning boners are stronger, i feel a lot of sexual energy, and for the first time from the beginning of the challenge i am stimulated by real life women.
  • Day 67 : I deleted all the porn on my hard disks.
  • Day 68 - 90 : Curious mix of flatine and of getting excited by real life women, but no urges.

3) Benefits of Nofap

  • I don't want to watch porn.
  • Rediscovered the beauty of the "real life" women.
  • Being able to understand my triggers.
  • Being able to channel my sexual energy to accomplish important things to me : getting involved in a caritative association, i sent an application for a new job, swimming twice a week etc.
  • Being able to feel the difference between being sexually excited by the presence of a woman, and using sex to cure anxiety.

4) Limits of Nofap

  • I still feel very depressed, and started to have panic attacks.
  • I miss sex pleasure and feel frustrated

5) To conclude

I have a big satisfaction, because i proved myself i am able to have enough self control to complete the challenge for 90 days. It makes me proud of myself. I no more need to watch porn, and don't want to watch porn for the rest of my life, and i am happy about that. I am not so sure about masturbation, and think about masturbing again, in a more healthy way (without porn, and only from time to time).

I told my therapist about not fapping. This was interesting because he explained that doing this, i am a hero to myself. Fighting your own urges, make of yourself your own hero. This is important because if you feel clean about yourself, others people will feel it, and it naturally leads to more healthy relationships in your life.

Feel free to ask any question, if i can help.

LINK - 90 days report / 38yo M

By Lost-Wanderer