Age 39 - Hermit, virgin, no friends: I no longer fear rejection. I am coming out of my shell
I have been the biggest human hermit in History. 39/M, no friends...no girlfriend...virgin. PMOing for 25+ years....Now, at 75 days of NoFap..I asked a girl if she had plans last night...
She said she did...I got rejected in front of some friend...I took it okay. Today I got rejected again, But later I went to a birthday party and met some people.
Wow, what a change in my personality! This is amazing. I no longer fear rejection, I no longer fear what other people think. My brother asked me today what happened to me!!!!! I told him that I wanted to be more social...He said it was awesome and that he is happy for me!!!
These are not superpowers...I am just starting to be my true self! I am coming out of the shell...I am hungry for life! NoFap is amazing. Don't cheat, Don't edge, Don't view Porn...and you will start seeing changes you will not believe. My social anxiety is disappearing!! Wow.
EDIT: I used to never go to parties, I used to never even talk to girls...My weekends were at my house, locked up watching tv, playing videogames and PMOing....This was my life for the last 25 years...No joke.
UPDATE - 90 Days...I finally found myself
39/M, Virgin, never been kissed by a girl, never had a girlfriend. I am very timid and shy. I started PMOing about when I was 15/16?. I eventually started to loose the fewvfriends I had because Porn and Masturbation became my #1 priority. When I lost all my friends...I started hanging out with my brothers and cousins. With the passing years...I saw my family members get married, having children and creating a life for themselves...It became increasingly awkward to hang out with them.
..So I started spending most of my weekends alone for years.
Why did I take on this challenge?
For many years I have wanted to commit suicide. I never thought that masturbation and porn was the reason for my depression and sadness. I would read about Doctors saying that masturbation is very good for health, So I never questioned fapping, in fact I though it was a great outlet since I was alone. Then I found YBOP with a link to reddit/r/NoFap. After reading some posts on NoFap...I decided to give the challenge a try.
Beginning My NoFap Journey
I started NoFap on January of 2013? I failed miserably on my first attempts of NoFap. Relapse after relapse...I was fustrated, I just couldn't find the strenght to combat the urges, I was weak, I had nothing to hold on to. This continued for about 6 months until June 2013. During June 2013 I met a girl who I got infatuated with. She was a friend of the family, so I would see her often. She became the reason why I took NoFap more serious. She never really knew I liked her because I never told her...I hoped one day to tell her...So my streaks started to become longer...14 days, 25 days, 55 days...
With NoFap as the foundation, I also started eating healthy, working out, and working on self improvement..I would watch self help videos on youtube and downloading audio versions of these, I started to program myself for success...These were amazing times of growth for me! I also started to visit /r/NoFap daily and commenting and engaging more and more with the NoFap community.
But with the passing months, The girl I was infatuated with got herself a boyfriend, and the dream was over for me. It was my opportunity to give up on NoFap...And I did! I remember my relapse after 55 days, It was the darkest day of my life...all I wanted to do was die.
I remember waking up the next morning...I saw a path with two roads...I could either take one road and go back to my PMO lifestyle or take the other road and continue my NoFap Journey...I remember I started to cry like crazy thinking about the choice...all I wanted was to be a better man, I wanted to be a better person...I just couldn't go back to PMO. So I made the choice that day to continue NoFap.
Road to 90 days
"Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better." - Jim Rohn
I became relentless, disciplined and focused. With NoFap as my foundation...I ate even healthier, I worked out everyday, I started to take cold showers, I attempted to quit smoking several times, until I finally quit! (17 days and counting). I made it impossible for me to fail with NoFap. My mind was made up...Either Change my life or commit suicide. It was that simple. At 39 years old, I had no more room for errors. So today, finally, I completed my 90 days hardmode, no edging, no porn, no fantasy. I have to say these 90 days have been the most emotional in my life, crying, feelings of sadness, hope and happiness, it has been a roller coaster. But probably the best 90 days of my life in terms of growth!
The Road ahead
My new goal is 180 days with NoFap. I also want to become better socially, I desire to meet someone special to marry, I still hope to have children one day... I want to create a family, for me, finding someone that will love me seems almost impossible...but I want to achieve the impossible in 2014. After completing the 90 days with NoFap, I truly believe that nothing is impossible.
I would like to say a special thanks to all of you, for the amazing tips and help I have received here. I would have not been able to change my life without this community and without the creators of YBOP and NoFap. Thanks from the bottom of my heart to each and every Fapstronaut. You guys were there in my darkest hours, when I had nobody to turn to...I always came here and found support, So thank you!!! Stay strong and take care!
I wanted to write an EPIC 90 day report...But I guess I cannot beat my first 90 day report.
All I can say is that I value myself a lot more. I used to be a people pleaser and I had no respect for myself.
Now I stand up for what I believe, I don't let people push me around. I stand up straight, smile more and I am happy with myself. There is still a lot of things I need to work on, growth and self improvement never ends...and i realize life is a struggle, but that is what makes life worth living.
All I can say is that NoFap is worth it, it is the foundation of my success and self value and drive. Sexuality is a powerful force, use it to your advantage, use it to become attractive inwardly and out. I like this quote:
"We do not attract what we want; we attract what we are."
I am 40 years old...so many of you young guys will probably just think I am exaggerating or just plain out dumb...which I was at the moment this happened to me.
I am very shy...I was probably born shy, but porn turned my natural shyness into an avoidant personality disorder.
anyway, I started fapping at 16, and started watching online porn around 1992...slow dial up porn. With porn and fapping...and my timid personality, I used PMO to get my sexual needs. I avoided all social events, invitations from friends and in a matter of years lost all friends.
My life was just me with my immediate family. Through my family I have met friends...and some girls...which I quickly became infatuated with but been timid and insecure they quickly became turned off by me.
I am still a virgin, never even been kissed.
But here is the big moment in my life. This happend in October 2013, it was the moment that changed my life and helped me stop watching porn and take NoFap serious.
This one girl I met, I felt in love at first sight...she was way younger than me, I was 38 she was in her 20s. Beautiful girl, The most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
The God's smiled at me, This girl showed interest in me. One night, we had a family dinner with friends....and she was there. We were sitting next to each other...she already knew I liked her from me always glancing at her....I was deeply in love....This is the moment that when I think about it I get tears.
She was sitting so close to me her leg rubbed against mine. She offered me a bite of her sandwich....I said "No, thats okay"...later on that evening...she looked at me, and asked me if I wanted to go out with her that evening.....I had no reply...my mind was in shock, my entire system was in disbelief, all the years of isolation, porn and fapping had condition my beliefs that I can never be loved, that I was not worthy of human contact, that I was a pervert man underserving of love.
She waited a few moments....and looked at me...and asked me out again....yes, a second time....She asked me out infront of my family...I was still in shock....I had no reply, 20+ year of PMO and isolation had turned me into a fucking zombie.
Then...as the dinner was ending...I went up to her and told her, "I won't go out with you, but we can talk through facebook"
I still think about this today and burst into tears....sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking of that moment.
Porn and Fapping turned me into a numb, lifeless soul with no self worth, feeling unworthy of love and rejecting the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life.
So for all of you young guys, Take NoFap like your life depends on it. Stop watching porn and fapping because this will condition your mind into feeling unworthy of love. Porn is watching someone else have sex with the women you desire...You are just been a viewer, an spectator while another man is doing the girl you are fapping to. PMO creates a self-defeating personality disorder, over the years you will feel so unworthy that you may self sabotage any opportunity with a real girl.
Porn and fapping are not free, it conditions your way of thinking.
In the end, I pursued this girl weeks later....but it was too late, My over pursuing turned her off, she blocked me from all social media...I was a total mess...But that guy died, Today I am a new person...and that experience changed my life for the good, although the heartbreak was almost unbearable, it hurt so much I linked pain to PMO and MO.
I lost the greatest opportunity in my life...I even cry while I write this. But don't feel bad for me, I conquered this addiction thanks to this experience....I hope you don't have to loose something so great like I did...I hope you take this challenge and conquer it before it conquers you.
After hanging out with friends...family or whomever...I don't overthink things...I just go home...and automatically focus on my life, not what someone said or what others think of me. This is amazing for me because I used to go home and have panic attacks, overthink what others said and how they looked at me. This is gone. This is no Placebo, I have had this anxiety in my teens, 20s and 30s...all of a sudden it's gone. I go home and feel unaffected by what others think of me...This is happening for the last 2 months. It's pretty incredible how all the anxiety just dissolves...I frankly don't give a shit what others thing anymore. FREEDOM. priceless.
I am 41. Been on nofap 3 years. This is my 3rd time to reach 90, my longest streak been 284 days. Results? Well, let's just say that life is not worth living masturbating to porn...I rather not live to tell you the truth. The results are too many to list here, but just to let you know, NoFap has changed my personality, self worth and strength in every area of my life.
I hope you give it a go, it's a hard challenge, but give it time, this is a process, I promise it will change your life. Life is simply better when you are in control of your sexual energy, sexual energy is vital for males, it just makes you a different person over time.
In the words of William Wallace "Every man dies. Not every man really lives."
Take care man.