Age 40 - After 24 years of porn use I feel like I am building a "new me".

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garbage in garbage out90 days. I am 40 years old. I have been using a lifetime. With me porn went always hand in hand with fantasies. Out of reality fantasies that gave me a brief escape out of reality as I knew it.

I could rely on porn for years to numb painful moments, to be there when no one else was. But I always had a slight bad feeling attached to it. Shame, guilt and self loathing about my habit.

To me. The pain of porn use was acceptable cost until I hit 37.

At that age, I think I started to enjoy it less. So the pain started to outweigh the pleasure..

Since then, I have been trying to quit. 4 years next spring.

Every time I quit, I miss it a lot. I feel like there was a hole in my life.

See what porn does to you. It becomes part of your life.

And giving up something that important after 24 years..

Well. Lets put it this way. 90 days. It is a good beginning. It has made me less hypersexual. Avoiding all triggers has not been always easy. But I have had to do that. No fantasies. No tv shows that are triggering etc.

I feel like I am building a "new me". A new me that does not watch porn. But the old me rears its head every now and then when porny situations / triggers rise.

And I feel a divide. A divide I am trying to gap. By staying the course. By saying to myself. "Enough is enough". "There is time for everything" and the time for my time to find kicks from porn is over.

I am trying to become one.

Kids. When you quit early, while your brain is more "plastic." this probably wont happen to you.. You might do 90 days and be forever changed if you do not go back to it. But if you keep on using until you hit my age, change comes much slower.

So be careful what you fill your mind with.. Cause garbage in.. Garbage out.. And the longer you let the garbage in.. The longer it takes for it to leave your system..

LINK - After 24 years of use.. 90 days pornfree.. A good beginning..

by TaterJoe