Age 40s - 120 day report & 200 day report: so grateful for the chnages

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coupleTeam NoFap, sisters and brothers, THIS is what 120 days looks like... When I fapped, I struggled to get dates even though I very fit and good looking. Now, I am choosing who to date, and I am asked out basically every day by women (in person, online, etc.).

For example, recently I had 9 dates with five different women in one week...

When I fapped, I struggled to understand the deep emotional pain caused me by family, my loved ones, and by myself and I could never forgive myself as I saw myself as eternally flawed... now with NoFap, I have peace... And I do not think of these things anymore

For context, I was left dying in the hospital by my ex-wife, by her family, and by my family last fall, health has now returned, and I do not care about my family anymore, and I am obviously divorced. Thank God.

When I fapped, I struggled with obtaining work even though I have been employed globally as a consultant with lots of success. It was always stressful. Now, I am on the verge of obtaining a much nicer, more relaxing job, that will allow me to hopefully purchase the top floor apartment in my building with an amazing view...

When I fapped (for 30 years to porn...), I saw women too seriously and not seriously enough, my point of view was completely screwed up. I had to imagine a woman engaged in some porn act while in bed with her to be turned on. Since I stopped fapping to porn (with some slips) since last August, I now masturbate very rarely, and when I do it is to a woman I am dating. WOW. What a change. I cum very easily, very powerfully, I am happy, and I actually do not really care that I even masturbated or not. It is like masturbation does not matter anymore. I have told a gal that I am dating that I have thought of her this way, she and I laugh about it, and we have not had sex, and we may never have sex... and I am fine with this...

So frankly, not fapping to porn, and No PMO has made me "a Jedi"... my friends now call me "a Jedi" and I am treated this way be society, and I am letting go of the very deep pain that caused me to fap to porn in the first place...

so for all of you who are uncertain, or don't know if this may work for you, please consider my story... I have gone from hell and back, I am grateful, and now I am becoming a fair and equal contributor to society and society is rewarding me for this...

Good luck.

Response to requests for more info:

From weeks 3 to weeks 10 or 11 it was really rough... hopefully, it will be okay for you... you can do it, one day at a time, and for me, it has been incredible...

The hardest parts are the constant honesty, and knowing that I am one really bad day from throwing it all away again. I have to be honest each day about my faults. I have to always remind myself "first thought wrong". I have to know that stability is much more important than ego.

The actual NoPMO was not as tough as the emotional framework of guilt, shame, disguise, lies, fear, megalomania that drew me here slowly over the past 30 years of constant abuse.

Also, I am now vulnerable with friends. I tell my close guy friends and the woman I am sorta seeing right now about my previous problems. I know that the madness is enticing... as students and lovers of porn, we never learn how to engage with others consistently, and we do not learn how to engage with ourselves either, and now I must do this every day.... it is a good path

LINK - so GRATEFUL day 120 - THIS is what it feels like

by strongnweak


UPDATE

Had 200-day streak, now have 75 day streak - what is nice about nofap is...

This is what is nice about NoFAP:

1) I am no longer creating demand for an industry where people are hurt and sex-trafficked

2) I can look my female friends in the eye, be silly, flirt with them, and know that there is no expectation

3) I am much calmer and less prone to "blow-ups" and "emotional out bursts", and on the flip side, when others "blow-up" and demonstrate "emotional out bursts" is see it as weakness, sadness, and foolish

4) I have all the health benefits everyone discusses

5) Instead of hoping women might find me attractive and want to be with me, I know control "if / when" I make out and have sex with someone, e.g., last night I chose to not have sex with someone because it is simply not right

6) All my past demons associated with my family, and upbringing, and my ex-wife leaving when I was dying in the hospital, being disowned by father and many in my family, and "walking up" after the medications wore off with no money, no home, little family, and now wife, (http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1idc66/so_grateful_day_120_this_is_what_it_feels_like/)

7)  I am now a "creator of intimacy" and no longer a "user of intimacy"


UPDATE

In my 40s, shared with my parents the problem I have overcome

Brief note: second time around. First time 200 days. This time about 147 days (more or less one or two borderline instances).

I shared with my parents today the problem I have had since I was 9 or 10 years old. I told them that I used to steal porno mags from the neighbors when I was 5th+ grade (more or less). I also said that some of the porno that I looked at the same neighbors house was extreme stuff. I also said that I used to have a gaming problem, and play hearts / solitaire / diablo without stopping and compulsively. I also shared that I had the same problem with broader internet compulsion.

They said "okay", and "this really helps". No judgment at all. Very matter of fact.

Then we moved on the next part of the conversation...

Just writing this so that I am accountable to all of you.

~ Strongnweak