Age 40s - 90 days: Here's my top 10 list of what to do
1) Accountability Partner.
For the 1st attempt I made it 55 days and the 2nd attempt I made it 65 days. On the 3rd attempt I found a no-fap accountability partner which was hugely important to helping me, particularly during the 1st 60 days. I contacted him every day for the 1st 60 days or so. Thank you accountability partner.
2) K9 porn-blocking software.
I have used various software and systems for over two years and this is the best software I have found in the market. And, it’s free. My advice is to make a very complicated password and then go put it in the trunk of your car or someplace difficult to get to. Or give it to your accountability partner. Here’s the deal – there are times when your will is strong and you don’t need porn-blocking software. But there will be times when your will is weak, or a sexual desire will come out of nowhere, and unconsciously you may access porn or sensual imagery or text. K9 is for those moments, which can creep up anytime. I am planning to keep k9 on my computer, because it’s the right thing to do.
3) Make vows.
I made a promise to myself not to use other computers in the house that are not mine and do not have k9. I have a “sacred place” in the house where I will move our 2nd laptop computer if I am feeling urges. I made a vow that once I move the computer there, I cannot touch it.
4) Get a counter.
I created a 90 day grid using Excel. Once I completed a no-fap day it went from green to red all the way to 90 days. If there was a trigger or issue on a certain day, I would also mark it to see how long it took to get back to a stable mind pattern. The counter on no-fap is a good tool for this as well.
5) Read No Fap.
Read all you can. Find out what works for people. Read the failures. Read the successes. Go directly to this site. Follow threads that connect and help you. Although I did not post much on no-fap, I read a lot and it became a healthy substitute for P.
6) Trigger Inventory.
I needed to know and understand all my triggers during this process. I had to develop a strategy for each one. I had some big ones, which I discussed with my accountability partner.
7) Failure is an option.
I had two big upsets during this process and countless little ones. I eventually got really sick and tired of starting over. The 1st 6 weeks or so were very painful for me, and I got tired of repeating that period. You will learn from your failures and mistakes. And, you will come back to no-fap even if you don’t think you will. I did.
8) Connect with your higher self.
There is a person inside you who does not want you addicted to fapping or porn. This side of you is evolved and has no addiction. He/She is highly spiritual and connected with God. Remember this side of you when you want to access your K9 password or before going into a situation that may be a trigger. He/She got you to No-Fap. This side of you is very patient and hopeful for you. This part of you is your best you.
I can’t speak highly enough about the powers and effects of meditation. I have meditated for awhile now, but when I combined meditation with no-fap, it became a powerful combination. You can ask me more about this as I am happy to share.
10) Keep on keeping on.
At 90 days I am ready for the next 90 days. I am getting my goals together and will send them to my accountability partner. Life is still hard and I do not have super powers, but I am changing for the better.
I want the best for everyone one of you. If someone is struggling, please reach out to me via no-fap email. We are here to help each other.