Age 42 - Our sex life is great, better than it has been in years
Let’s start off with the Ugly. My addiction to porn started with exposure at about 8 years old. Two Playboy mags from a friend's house. Now for some of you young guys, (with sarcasm) Playboy is a printed mag. and the only way to view porn back when I was a kid.
I’m 42, now. So it was a long time ago. I saw these pretty women and would get hard, but had no idea what it was about. What sex was, anything.
Then at 12 my dad gave me the 'birds and the bees' speech. I don’t recall him talking to me about masturbation, but I was curious about this semen stuff that he talked about when I had sex someday. So I put two plus two together, or in other words Mr left hand to penis, to simulate and have an O. Well needless to say I was hooked, and as they say the rest is history. My showers got longer, as I went from a kid who hated to take a bath to one that found it as my chance to MO. That was my routine for years, wake up, shower, fap and start my day. My once a day habit was only masturbation.
Even as an adult on my own I was too embarrassed to go to a convenience store and buy playboy or penthouse. And there’s no way in hell you would have ever found me anywhere near a “adult book store.” That was too public, what if someone I knew saw me? Even though the odds were small, the thought of shame in getting seen was too great to go there.
Then in the mid 90’s, as a single adult I bought a computer, signed up for AOL, and I was now on the interwebs. (Thanks Al Gore! ;) ) And soon found myself in places where I could slowly download hardcore pics. This is when my once a day bad MO habit grew at an exponential rate. You would have thought as I went from dial up to high speed internet I wouldn’t have wasted as much time, but the inverse was true. The higher the internet speed the more I could consume.
I also got married in this time and kept this secret shame for years. I was extremely diligent in covering my tracks. The Bad I got to the point I wanted to stop, I wanted my wife to know. I didn’t know how to stop and, I didn’t have the balls to tell her. So in 2010 I started getting sloppy on purpose. I wouldn’t cover my tracks and I would leave it all in the internet history. Waiting for the day she found it and held me accountable.
Finally about 8 months later she found it. This was the worst decision I could have ever made. Guys, I totally understand and for the most part agree with sharing everything with your SO or Spouse. However it has to be in the right context. And honestly, there are SO’s out there that would rather not know. Some have things in their past that make this very personal. So if you are thinking about disclosing your PMO problem with your SO think long and hard about it, review her past and determine if it is something she would want to know and how would she react. I remember a conversation with my wife that we had right before we got married. She told me that If I ever slipped up and had an affair or something, to never ever let her find out. I’ve never had an affair, but I should have taken her words to heart when it came to PMO. I didn’t and when she found out it crushed her. Needless to say I have not told her about relapsing. I don’t ever plan on telling her. Maybe years down the road when I myself am healed from years of self abuse.
The Good I’ve tried stopping off and on over the years, before /r/nofap I probably went 60 days without hardcore porn. And a week of nofap. You have to realize my issue has been going on for 30 years. Yes you heard that right THIRTY years!!!! I found /r/nofap back in 2010 when I let my wife find out. But I wasn’t ready for accountability, and honestly didn’t “get it” the whole nofap thing. I thought I was too old and it was mostly for teens and college kids. In addition I thought my problem was porn. I didn’t see fap as a problem.
So I walked away from nofap without doing any research. I fought P on my own for the next 3 years with no real results. Then I rediscovered /r/nofap back in late November 2013. Stayed for a bit and read some posts, then saw a link to ybop.com and it all started to click. Then I read a post about someone doing the math on how much time they have wasted fapping. And I thought that should be an easy math problem. I guestimate I averaged about a 1.5 faps per day @ 20 min each for 30 years (10950 days) which comes out to about 7.6 months and round up to 8.
Listen up young guys that are only a few years in. DO NOT BE LIKE ME! DON’T WAIT SO LONG TO STOP. SERIOUSLY I FAPPED AWAY 8 MONTHS OF MY LIFE OVER A 30 YEAR PERIOD! But I found you. I stepped up to the plate and did 90 day no fap the first time. You helped me. I celebrate in your success and I mourn your failures, and in all of your stories I find encouragement. Whether it’s the 14 yr old that just went a month nofap or the college kid that just made 90 days or the guy my age or older who just went 60 days. Even those that have made godlike status and are 3+years fap free. And yes you, the guy that just relapsed and are back on day one and you can’t get past day fourteen. Trust me if you can get over the hump and make it to day 25, 26-90 are much easier.
And you want to know something I always knew if I could make 25 days it would get easier. I just couldn’t do it without you. My next goal is to go 8 months. I don’t think it will help me recover from 30 years of fapping but there’s some type of symmetry to 8 months fap free that will make me feel better. I plan to never go back. I will admit I was tempted today. More so than in the past 60 days. I guess I was tempted to celebrate with a fap. But I won’t, not gonna fap out.
“Superpowers.” I’ve always leaned more alpha. I’ve always considered myself a quiet leader. I’ve always had girls come on to me. Most of them the hottest and smartest in my school. And about half of them made the first move, now looking back, I realize I was so pacified by MO that is why they most of the time made the first move.
But I will say over the past 14 years that has faded, I’ve gained weight, and haven’t had many girls flirt with me. Not that I would ever do anything since I’m married. But it's nice to know if I’m still attractive. Well I have noticed an increase in girls checking me out since I started no fap. Whether it’s the soccer mom that’s my age or the 20 something that’s looking for a man--not a boy in a man's clothing. Honestly, I’ve noticed more younger women 20’s & 30’s checking me out. Even today coming out of the doc's office, with a freaking cold. I was talking to my doc, and when I walked out into the lobby I noticed this girl in her early to mid 20’s checking me out and smiling. I’m just thinking, I’ve got a cold how in the world is she finding me attractive? I’ve had more young women check me out in the past 3 months than I’ve noticed in the past 6 years.
Just last Thursday, I had a waitress come onto me so strong that even my boss and a coworker were giving me a hard time about it afterwards. but most importantly my wife is finding me more attractive and our sex life is great. Better than it has been in years. I’ve lost 20 lbs in the past 3 months, due to the fact I’m spending more time exercising. I’ve also noticed a decrease in wasting time at work. I’m definitely more productive. I’ve also had a past coworker interview me for a job in which I have an opportunity to become a partner in the next couple of years. I expect that job to come through in the next few weeks. I’m more patient and focused. That’s about it regarding “super powers.”
Iif you have any questions just ask. it may take a few hours to get back to you though.
TLDR; errrr. Nofap works. I’m not going back. I'm nofap for life.