Age 43 - 100+ Days, Karezza, and no more PMO
June 19, 2012, 05:07:54 PM »
I'm a man dam it, not a chimpanzee (Lizard Brain). For fucks sake, I can overcome PMO addiction because my rational brain is bigger and stronger than my primitive lizard brain. I am 10 days into my re-boot.
My story. I am 43, married, no kids, normal on the outside, PMO addict on the inside. I have been using P since about 14 years old. I had a sexy baby sitter (and her friends), who were 8-10 years older, cheerleaders in high school, and teased me with strip tease, tied me up, and let me finger her. this happen once a week and all her friends let me at least "get to 2nd base". Nowadays that shit is called Pedo sexual harassment, but back in the 1970's it was called being a lucky little bastard. I loved that girl.
Probably due to my early experiences with these baby sitter girls, I have always been able to perform with real women and do not suffer from any of the ED issues associated with the internet porn generation. My brain got wired on the cheerleader and her friends. I married a great looking women 15 years younger than me. My wife is a former NN swimsuit model who had her own website in the early 2000's. I married way out of my league and my friends and family are constantly reminding me that I am still a lucky little bastard when it comes to girls. She has not gained a single pound since I met her and looks as great as ever.
Nobody would ever expect that I have this secret PMO life. Why would any sane man fap when you have a hot wife at home? Well, until I found YBOP and read about the Coolidge Effect, I just thought it was normal. I have spent hours on end fapping and edging and wasting so much time on porn, my life has really gotten bad. My psychological low point came when I found a bikini photo shoot of my own wife on the Internet and fapped to it. I was like WTF did you just do? I guess I need the novelty and excitement of the Internet. But along with the excitement comes the orgasm hangover effect. I have lack of motivation, irritability, brain fog, inability to concentrate, mood swings and social anxiety, and often retreat to man cave and ignore my wife for days after a porn binge.
I found YBOP because of my interest in increasing my dopamine levels. I have such trouble concentrating and with focus that I recently started ADHD medication by my doctor (dextroamphetamine). As soon as I started taking the ADHD medication, my desire for Internet porn dissipated. I have been on medication for 10 days now, and not once have I even thought about using PMO. I believe that the increased dopamine acquired from from the ADHD medication has giving me a reprise to my former 'pre-high speed Internet' life. The extra dopamine pulled me out of the brain fog long enough to see how freaking deep in PMO I have sunk.
My goal is to not PMO for 90 days so can regain my confidence AS A MAN. After 90 days, then give up PMO forever. I need a brain re-boot. Sitting around and fapping to a computer screen is not my idea of a manly activity. It sucks and makes me feel as if I am less of a man and not living up to my potential in life. I'm better than this and I owe it to my wife to step up overcome this addiction. 5 days ago we started karezza and it is really "reuniting" us. Amazing.
Before I forget, I would like to say thank you to involved in this re-boot brotherhood. To posters, the Mods, Gary, all of you. You are my inspiration.
LINK TO POST - 100+ Days, karezza, and no more PMO September 21, 2012
When I started this re-boot, I listed the following symptoms that I felt like weight on my shoulders:
1) lack of motivation
3) brain fog
4) inability to concentrate
5) mood swings
6) social anxiety
I no longer suffer from any of these symptoms.
I stumbled upon the YBOP by accident after being prescribed Dexedrine from my doctor for ADHD. Once I started to treat the ADHD with Dex, I had an awakening in my mind. I was researching dopamine when I found YBOP and realized that I had not PMOed for over a week. At that time, this was a record for me. I joined this site and learned much about this addiction from everybody involved.
I am a married guy and started karezza with the wife early on during re-boot. This was very important for me to re-connect to the woman that I love so much. the PMO addiction made me a distant and moody husband.
Kicking PMO addiction has been a life changer for me. I EAT MUCH BETTER now and enjoy cooking every single day. I ENJOY HOBBIES now also. Fishing, hiking, and just walking with the dog has really helped me get deep into this re-boot without a relapse.
My dog has been my best friend during re-boot. I swear, he knows when I am feeling weak and will harass me to go for a walk whenever he sensed my weakness! Man's best friend indeed. He has been with me throughout this entire re-boot. And he is such a good looking and social dog, I have met many nice people because of him.
Fishing, hiking are hobbies I REALLY ENJOY but neglected for at least the past decade since I first got high-speed internet. I also re-connected with my my long-time male buddies and now we go on regular fishing trips. Yes, I purchase a very nice diesel powered skiff. Best toy ever!
In summary, leaving PMO behind has been a total life changing experience. It is the best choice I ever made.
Stay strong my friends. Waiting on the other side of PMO addiction is LIFE