Age 43 - Amazing confidence, sexual health

Printer-friendly version

BraveheartGents, today, I stand before you a new me.  Humble in my victory over myself, I'm proud to say, I kicked my ass and beat myself in to submission.  I really couldn't have done it without me. ;D Honestly, guys.  There are a few achievements I've managed in my 43 years on this big blue marble that I'm pretty proud of but this one takes the cake. 

Knowing close to nothing about cars, I believe I would feel like this if I saved an old clunker from the compactor and returned it to its original running condition with my own two hands (or lack of using one depending on how you look at it).  I had actually deleted my account on here (didn't really feel like I needed it anymore at around the 90 day mark) but had to renew it just to share the amazing results.  This site deserves the props and anyone out there struggling to keep going may find my ramblings useful.  That alone is a big change.  The old me was a taker.  Not a total douche, just your average guy that had the mindset of "if it feels good, do it".  This new me, without trying, wants to give back when I've been given a gift. Bizarre. 

I AM RECOVERED.  YOU...CAN...BE...TOO!  If I did it, you can do it.  I am back to the man my wife knew before I let porn change me.  I am the ME I knew before I let PMO addiction change who I was.  I have my counter running but don't need it any more b/c I don't have a set goal in mind.  It's not like I'd take a chance and say "hey, perfect life, let's see if I can roll the dice and take a chance on returning to the servile, porn addicted, two pump chump who couldn't hold his own in his own marital bed".  I literally don't know who that guy is anymore.  The thought of checking out a porn site is of course intriguing ( I am a man with a twig and berries after all) but anymore I'd liken it to that feeling I get when looking at a picture of a really unhealthy meal: "Man, that would probably taste good but I'd regret it and I didn't just go the gym for nothing".

On to the good stuff - the changes.  I'll just list them and add color commentary:

SEX - I'm having it.  Regularly. With my wife.  GOOD sex.  Dare I say, I'd define it as beautiful.  It works like this:  I get frisky, I initiate, we consummate.  Mission complete.  No ED, No PE, No losing focus and going soft.  It's NORMAL sex and it's friggin awesome!  As the kids say - BOOYAH! 

EMHO - (Early morning hard-on's) - Check!  Like clockwork.  Usually every single day now without fail.  I take great notice of it and let it be.  Side note - he's different.  I won't go and say "bigger" necessarily but different.  Fuller when soft, more sensitive all the time.  I guess not treating him like Stretch Armstrong has allowed him to return to his normal state of being. 

Spontaneous Wood - The other day, just like that.  Sitting on a plane, the mind wandering and lo and behold.  1st time since I was probably in 9th grade I'd bet.  I'm forty-f'ing-three.  I could have cried. 

Relationship - Recovering and recovering fast.  My wife loves me.  I love her.  I show it, she knows it.  Amazing what simple animals we are.  While in my throes of addiction, I knew I was failing her so I'd run around like a nut trying to do all these other things to show her I still loved her but really, really loved porn too.  I'd cook, I'd clean, I'd do anything just so I could keep my affair with PMO going too.  I wasn't happy doing it and she wasn't fulfilled with me doing that and not her.  Nobody was happy.  Now, I literally do less and she's happier.  I attribute that to my SHOWING her I love her and want her physically as well as all the other stuff and it's what she needs as a human just like me.  Gawd-damn this is some powerful stuff.

Confidence - I'm more confident in my every day activities, no question about it.  I can talk to anyone, male or female with a renewed sense of who I am as a man.  It's as if I'm projecting "Hi there, just so you know, I control this MF'er you are standing here talking to.  My body doesn't control me.  Now, let's you and I get down to business".  I mean what I say and I say what I mean.  It's a very calming, supportive, low stress me that I'm slowly getting used to.  Before, the concept of public speaking would have had me wanting to jump out a window.  Just last week I gave a presentation to a group of people at work and I'm lined up to give another in a couple of weeks.  Was it perfect, hell no.  Yet I was OK with that b/c I know the next one will be better.  I think my Testosterone is rising and leveling out and staying at a constant instead of fluctuating all over the map. 

Opposite sex - This is one of the best things I've noticed.  Women.  Beautiful, wonderful, sexy as hell, women!  Skinny, fat, tall, short, black, white, brown, yellow, blond, brunettes, you name em, I'm noticing them.  NOT ogling them.  NOT undressing them like a total skeeve.  I'm noticing them, I'm taking them in, I'm talking to them, NOT perving on them.  TOTAL difference.  I can sense them noticing it too.  Like they have a sense of "this guy is not staring at me like a piece of meat.  He is talking to me like a person, not a thing".  AND I don't feel like "ha, I've got them fooled, now I can really perv on them".  I'm just talking, just noticing, just admiring.  Sex is for my wife and only for my wife.  The rest are just fascinating.  I shit you not. 

In a nutshell, those are the best things that have happened to me to date although there are countless other, more subtle benefits (there's nothing quite like feeling shame-free..all..the..time..You all deserve to feel this, it rocks).  I'm so far from the guy who first clicked on this site months ago, needing so much help, and the proof stares me in the face every morning and I'm mucho grateful. 

My life has taken an incredible turn for the better and it took two things.  Very simple in theory and yet so hard to a) start and b) maintain, until you get the hang of it and start seeing the improvements.  After that it sort of takes on a momentum of its own.  Now there is no looking back, it wouldn't make any sense to. 

Those two things, fellas: 1) Keep your hands off your junk and 2)  Keep your eyes off the porn b/c it will lead you to messing up number 1.  That's it.  No P, no M.  When you O, it has to be with another human being. 

You can ALL do this. You SHOULD ALL do this.  For yourselves, for your significant others, for the other people on this big blue marble.  You will be a better you and that is the you I'd prefer to meet out there.  BE the change you would like to see. 

Keep on keeping on.....

Link To Thread - Chalk one up for the good guys!

by Braveheart22