Age 45 - Married: My experiment with tantra

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Happy guyI might as well start from the beginning. Since I had discovered orgasm at 11 years old I have been a chronic masturbater since that time. I would spend hours at a time in my room draining my balls until nothing was in them but air. I wasted teens and young adulthood with excessive fapping as well. I am 45 and back during that time, porn wasn't as easily accessible as it is today. I mostly used my imagination and at times we had to resort to Archie comics (can anybody remember Veronica in a bikini?),

the  lingerie section in the Sears catalogue, the adult channels when my parents were out on a Saturday night. (They were always softcore and you would usually have to wait about 20 minutes in to the movie for the first sex scene) and if you were lucky enough to get a magazine you would usually spank it to the same picture over and over again.

At the time I instinctively knew that what I was doing was detrimental to my mental and social development but I was hooked and couldn't stop. I always felt terrible at the end. There were periods of time that I managed to quit masturbating for a month or two on very rare occasions. During those times there was a marked increase in confidence, athletic ability, and my ability to get girls. Since I play guitar I felt more connected to the music I was playing. I was never able to sustain that streak for much longer.

This is the longest that I have ever gone without PMO. If there is anybody who asks if MO without P is ok, I would say it has the same end effect as using porn because you have drained yourself of vital life energy. M without O which is sexual cultivation which (some of you call edging) can has it's benefits if you can keep yourself from Orgasm and that takes practice and discipline.

There wasn't any nofap, or even the Internet for that matter. You would never tell people that you masturbate and if you were caught by one of your friends, you would never hear the end of it (although everybody did it). Didn't happen to me but I've seen it happen to others. I just couldn't get myself to participate in the hypocrisy in making fun of others for something that I was doing myself.

I learned about Tantra not too long ago and I decided to see if holding back orgasm for an extended period of time would improve the overall quality of life and well being and I would absolutely say yes!

I am now Married and have been for 10 years. Our sex life was good at the beginning but steadily declined due to my addiction to porn. My poor wife suffered for all of that time and I am so sorry that I did not give her the passion and affection that she deserved. She somehow adjusted to it as we were able to work on other aspects of our marriage that made it successful but PMO at the time has made me less of a man and therefore less of a husband.

For TLDR here is a breakdown -

30 days - during that first month, I got my libido and my animal desire back for my wife after only about 2 weeks. She was shocked and didn't know how to handle it. She wanted to know what was up and it was hard for me to explain it to her that she would understand. (No puns intended BTW). I started showing her a lot more affection and be more in tune with her needs. Sexual fantasies would run wild. I wouldn't fight them but I would make sure not to slip back into my old patterns. I fought the urges with a lot of running and exercise. My voice dropped and my body started to become more toned. That tense, nervous, insecure demeanour vanished. Although I remain faithful to my wife I still enjoy receiving warm looks, smiles and conversations with women because I am no longer walking around with that "creepy guy" vibe that you get from porn addiction. I was having having sex and holding back orgasm which is an exhilarating feeling.

60 days - Woah, a rabid wolverine is in my pants. Constantly horny and can't stop thinking about sex. Almost to a point where it's uncontrollable. After 65 days of sex without orgasm my wife gave me a release or two. I have been churning on with hard mode ever since. After 70 days, I started to stable out a bit and was able to focus again on other interests besides sex. Our sex life is still kicking ass now.

80 days - The electrical storms that were firing off in my loins were now hitting my emotions. I was going through intense mood swings, and often felt very depressed and lonely. I realize now that they are growing pains and necessary for the next stage of evolution. My addiction to PMO was an attempt to keep those feeling down by avoiding pain. That's why I tell people that when you are going through those feelings, just hang in there. It necessary and you MUST allow yourself to go through it and ride them out. When I listen to or play music, I am more emotionally connected to it and feel it reverberating throughout my entire being.

90 - I woke up feeling great today. I do sometimes have urges but so far I have been easily able to ride them out. I love everything about today. The sun, the cool air, the music I was playing in my kitchen this morning while getting my son ready for school. Life is great right now. I don't want to go back feeling the way I did. Thank you all for being here and making this sub the way it is. The best to you all.

LINK - My journey so far at 90 days

by bl4ckSabbath