Age 47 - ED, anxiety, depression - everything's changed
With the symptoms of porn addiction I suffered over the years, I saw a GP, Specialists, Psychiatrists and a Psychologist. Symptoms being depression, anxiety, tiredness, social isolation mainly. Not one of these 'professionals' made the link between the symptoms I had and porn addiction. They sent me off for blood tests and/or gave me anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.
What do these medications do to you? One of the major side-effects is ED. So to counter that they give you a tablet to help, like Cialis. A real vicious circle which ignores the real cause while creating a whole bunch of new problems at the same time as making your exisiting condition worse. And at great expense.
What I want to know is why it took internet research and a website like YBOP to find answers when none of the medical professionals I saw came close to identifying the real problem?
Do the medical fraternity think porn addiction is a load of crap, are they not trained to recognise it as a major affliction affecting a whole generation or do they simply ignore it?
As my subject says, I'm 27 days into my reboot and it hasn't really been difficult so far, but today I am starting to feel it. Right now I am sitting in front of the computer, as I usually do every day, and I am feeling more worked up than I have been for quite a while. I reckon I can get through this without going back to past behaviours of having a tug, because I know holding off doing that is going to open my world up to a bright future in the longer-term, as opposed to giving in and going back to depression, anger for short-term pleasure etc. This is the mantra I use that keeps me on the right rebooting path without straying back to past bad habits. I look at the bigger picture.....time down the track rather than what I do in the next hour.
As soon as I write this, I am going to do something else but that doesn't mean the sensations I am currently feeling will go away. I just have to divert my attention elsewhere and take the vulnerability and temptation away by stepping away from the computer.
The problem is, I have a partner who loves her sex. So we do that every week and I see her to when she has been satisfied and I leave it at that. No climax for me. I have a bad loss of sensation I am trying to return through the reboot. So I don't force climax now like I did before I started this healing process. When she has had enough, I stop. I figure, and bloody hope like mad, that the sensation will return when my reboot has been completed. Whenever that will be.
But isn't this form of sex another way of edging maybe? Having sex without climax? I guess this is probably partly why I am feeling so worked up today. Every time I have sex, all that energy is building up inside of me. And I expect it will get to the point where I will either release it through sex successfully or release it with my hand. If this is how I feel at day 27, I can only imagine how it's going to be at day 50, 75, 90 etc etc if I last that long.
As previously posted, my history is very similar to a lot of you when it comes to living in the porn fantasyworld from an early age and then suffering depression, anxiety, social isolation, a lack of interest, low concentration and lots of frustration and anger. I rarely suffer from ED but I suffer majorly from DE through a loss of sensitivity.
Im on day 35 of my reboot because after stumbling on YBOP and reading through it, I saw so many similarities in the provided information to my own predicament.
Now about to start my 6th week, I have to say I do feel better....happier, a little less stressed (work.....), less irritable and a little less-thin-skinned and no sign of any depression for a few weeks now. I am also sleeping better. But I have felt these times of improvements over the years and they have never lasted past the short-term. My emotions are like a roller-coaster ride, so while I feel great today, I don't know how I will feel tomorrow.
I have fingers crossed things are different now and these good feelings continue into, well, permanency, I guess.
However - I also have a long history of medical issues. Without going into specifics, I am talking disorders for which I receive ongoing professional treatment. It has been intense at times due to the severity of it all and I know there have been consequences, but what consequences?
I am wondering how much of my misery over the years, the symptoms I mentioned before, can be attributed to the porn addiction and how much can be attributed to the medical issues I referred to. I think this question is really important.
Before I saw YBOP, I used to think my depression and anger was a build up of resentment from having the medical problems. You know, the "why me, poor me" syndrome. Could this still be true? Or was I depressed through looking at porn every day? Or both? How do I know? Is it risky for me to assume that all the bad I have suffered is only due to the porn?
While rebooting clearly has awesome benefits, I wonder if every sufferer of porn addiction needs to be careful not to automatically assume it is solely and purely this addiction that is the root cause of his problems. That a simple reboot will make everything better. That it is a miracle cure, a magic bullet. For some, it obviously is. But for others, maybe deeper investigation is required.
I believe a reboot should be just one piece of the recovery puzzle, while a visit to medical professionals may also be another piece, to discount another possible cause of symptoms that can fester away untreated.
I point this more towards those who say they have given reboot a good go but see very little or no improvement or progress and are scratching their heads and getting more and more frustrated until they relapse. Maybe they need to look in a different direction than just porn addiction for a remedy to a better life.
Well, I am on day 42 of my reboot. No PM or O.
Up to now, it hasn't really been difficult. But today, after 6 weeks of abstinence, I am feeling all hot and bothered and worked up and while I am not tempted to revisit the porn side of things for some relief, I am tempted to give myself some MO relief without it.
However, having said that, I also feel just as obligated to myself to show some steel and discipline and stay the course and keep up the "no MO" momentum.
As I posted previously, ED is not my problem. That department for me is mostly excellent, thank god. Healthy living through plenty of excercise, relaxation/meditation, a good diet, supplementation and getting enough sleep ensures everything is okay there. My issue is sensitivity loss and DE. But right now, I don't think it'll be a issue if I allowed myself to test it out!!! I am on fire. The 6 weeks of abstinence has built up a force inside of me that is needing release!
Anyway, I want to prove to myself that I can overcome this affliction without giving in too early. As tough as it is right now, I'm focusing on the longer-term benefits and I'm thinking if this is how I feel at day 42, I'd be feeling bloody amazing at day 90 if I stay on the right path. So nup, I aint giving in. This whole thing has to be done right. If I stay disciplined and get myself better without giving in to the constant temptations of past behaviours, that positive outcome in itself should give me a massive confidence and self-esteem boost. As such a hard thing to accomplish, successful completion would be significant, very significant. Hats off to ever guy who has overcome their problems through reboot. This is a very difficult process and shouldn't be understated.
I have completed 7 weeks of no PMO after many years of self-abuse through porn.
My issue as previously documented is a loss of sensitivity. ED is not, and has never been a problem.
While I have little sensitivity, my libido - or interest in women and sex - is healthy. I stare at good-looking women wherever I see them and I feel attraction and I fantasise about what I'd like to do to them sexually. But get the chance and I don't finish. This contradiction is starting to do my head in. I am mentally engaged to give women a good going over, I can easily achieve erections but I can rarely complete the job because of a lack of sensation. I was hoping to start seeing improvement by now after 49 days of abstinance, but I don't really feel much improvement at all.
My diet is good, I excercise regularly, I take supplements, I sleep well, I don't drink or smoke. I try and do as much positive activity and healthy living as I can to get myself better. My overall health has been checked by my Doc and all is good.
I want my sensitivity back.
I have completed week 9 of my reboot today. No PMO.
I am starting to get concerned about not releasing after 63 days. As each day of my reboot goes by, I am more tempted to MO, just to release the pressure valve and ease my concerns on the health implications that may occur or be occuring within my brain and body from long-term abstinence. But I haven't done it yet so the build-up continues.
Can someone help me with the following questions? I have seen this issue talked about elsewhere but I am still vague on it.
Is not releasing for a long period of time harmful to our health? Aren't us males designed to release on a regular basis? So if we don't release and get continually aroused by seeing and interacting with good-looking females, is some damage being done?
And is the old cliche, "use it or lose it" true if we abstain from orgasm for long periods of time? Is some part of our chemistry or physical component going to shut down? Or does abstinance actually fire us up to be more sexually ferocious when we eventually get back to sex (or MO)?
And lastly, am I right in saying a wet dream is the body's way of saying, you're really built up and you need release? So shouldn't I have had a wet dream after 63 days of abstinence? And if so, how come I haven't? Could my libido/sex drive be that low?
Well, a further big step forward in my recovery. Chalked up another successful session with my partner tonight, only 4 days after my last one. Not such a big deal for the younger guys, but I am a 47yo with a bad case of DE. Doing it twice in 4 days without too much trouble is a satisfying achievement at my stage of life! I've been wishing for a performance like I used to have when I was 18yo and on day 69 of my reboot, it looks like this week is starting to show great results and a bit of a return to the good ole days.
Onwards and upwards, can't wait to experience further improvements in my sex life as my reboot continues towards the 90 day target.
My success continues.....in week 10 of my reboot...an even better session with the missus tonight.....not only did I blow my load relatively quickly (defeating DE), I did it without having to go hard as I usually would to finish. I went slow all the way, like never before, and it was brilliant. I could even say that I tried to back right off towards the end as I didn't want to finish so soon! Not bad for someone with a bad case of DE for a number of years.
This is the 3rd successful session with the missus in a row. So it's not an isolated thing. There's a positive sequence of success happening now and my confidence is up.
My strategy has been to combine rebooting with an improved diet, excercise, weight loss, supplements, positive thinking and relaxation/meditation. So I can't say what out of these is having the greatest impact on my good fortune. Personally, I think the reboot and supplements are helping me the most but all my actions are probably working in synergy and working in different quantities and ways to assist in my improvement.
I am just rapt, real rapt. And if I can achieve this, I believe anyone can and I urge everyone to persist and keep going because the rewards are unbelievable and life-changing.
Yes, I am. Things picked up for me around the 9-10 week mark. I'm now nearly up to 12 weeks. My goal has been the magical 90 days, so I've managed to hit gold just before that.
I notice you say you're "still super anxious". That can't be at all good for your reboot and the anxiety may be impacting your progress and slowing it down.
Said it before and I'll say it again, I reckon you can't force this thing and you definately shouldn't stress about it. I found thinking about everything else in my life BUT PMO helped my recovery. The less I thought about PMO, the more I seemed to feel benefits.
I hope you start getting some benefits soon coz at 12 weeks+, you certainly deserve it!!!
I am on day 87 of reboot....MO'd once at about day 69....suffered loss of sensitivity years ago....don't have a ED issue...have been successful in regaining sensitivity and O'd with partner the last 3 times we had sex with reasonable ease...have posted more info on other threads.
My tips to regain your sensitivity;
Reboot - no PMO.
- Fix your diet if it needs fixing.
- Do regular intense excercise if you don't already.
- Do not try and force improvement ie do not 'test' yourself or edge.
- Occupy your mind with anything OTHER than porn, sex, sensitivity, MO etc etc and do this for as long as it takes to start feeling improvement.
- Don't leave yourself open to frustration and stress or be impatient, just leave yourself completely alone to recover mentally and physically.
- Supplement - ie multi, specific vitamins (B/C/D), velvet bean etc etc You can research this one. You're already supplementing sulbutiamine anyway.
- To me, the most important suggestions I have made are leaving yourself alone, not thinking about it and not forcing it to happen or stressing about it.
And no, the alcohol won't help your cause.Anyway, this is what helped me and I had a bad long-term case of numb penis. I hope this helps you and I hope you are successful. You just need to put in the time and things will then pick up for you. You'll then realise the wait has been worth it.
Well, I feel like I have got to the point where I can safely and happily post in the "Success Story" forum.
As posted previously in other threads, problem for me was DE. ED never an issue for me. Today is day 92 of my reboot. At around day 70, I started overcoming the DE. I've now had sex with my partner a number of times since then and I have overcome the DE successfully each and every time time. My sex life has been restored. Tonight's sex was unbelievable. Probably the best I've had in years. That's why I now believe I am 'cured'. Then there's the other benefits I'm feeling - beating anxiety and depression, better moods and everything else that goes with it.
And I have zero desire to watch porn again. Zip. None. Nada.
YBOP was a life-changer for me. Thank god I found the website because it has literally changed my life.
If I could share one thing that may assist others, I think the best thing I did was completely shut myself off from porn, sex, masterbation, women, pussy. I didn't think about any of that for 2 months while I diverted my attention doing other things in life. The break to my brain and my dick was significant. For anyone looking for a great way to heal, I suggest doing exactly this. But you will need to be strong and disciplined to get through it. You do need to accept that healing does take time. But wow, the gains are so worth it.
I wish everyone else the very best of luck. And thank you to YBOP.