15 Years of Misery Gone
Greetings to everyone. I'll start off by giving some background information about myself and I'll give some hopefully helpful insight in future blog entries.
As a child I was highly athletic, smart, and sociable. I was always happy and had a million friends. That all changed around age 11 when I got internet access and quickly became familiarized with nearly every image on slutpost.com. Soon after that I downloaded KaZaA and progressed to nearly every type of heinous porn imaginable (shemale, gay, dominatrix, animal, amputee, etc.). I started having severe depression and anxiety as a result. A psychologist prescribed me Lexapro and Zoloft which I only ended up taking for a few weeks because I hated the idea of taking medication. The next 15 years of my life were completely miserable. I was incredibly anti-social. I didn't talk to anybody and sat alone at lunch at school. I hated everyone. I quit all the sports that I played even though I was top tier in all of them. My grades plummeted to barely passable. As much as I hate to think about it now, I had even started thinking about planning my own 'Columbine style' exit to this world, so to speak. To sum things up, I was a complete wanker. I am truly surprised to this day that I made it through high school. I am not unattractive in even the slightest and had had women around me who tried to talk to me but I could barely even look them in the eyes. The few times that any situation would progress sexually I came up with a limp dick. The result was complete shame and embarrassment which led me to believe I was gay - and a complete loser (which I was). I contemplated suicide for a long time but just couldn’t do it for fear of the pain that it would cause my parents. And I’m happy I didn’t.
In my early twenties I knew in the back of my mind that porn was what was inhibiting my life. There was nothing that I could do about it however, because I had an addiction of the highest caliber. I still lived at home with my parents and didn’t work or do anything for that matter. I was the equivalent of a retarded child so to speak. I’d spend anywhere from 4-6 hours a day scouring the tube sites and masturbating profusely to the most explicit gay and shemale videos I could find. It wasn’t until last year when I came across YBOP that I swallowed up every piece of information I could on this website and just said “Fuck it.” I took my Toshiba laptop and smashed the hell out of it on my parents driveway and then beat the remains with a baseball bat. That moment was without a doubt the biggest turning point in my life. I knew that the withdrawal period would be absolute hell, but that I would just have to weather the storm and power through it. And I did just that. The first week I had the worst type of insomnia imaginable. I don’t remember falling asleep at all the first 6 days. In my mind, it made Hell Week of Navy SEAL training look easy. But during the weeks that followed, things started turning around a bit but really became noticeable after about 3 months. I actually started getting energy to do things.
I progressed to enrolling into a university and doing very well (4.0 GPA so far), landing a managerial position at a local small business, taking up a number of different sports (SCUBA diving, weight lifting, biking, MMA), and having successful sex with 2 different women. I even saved up a decent chunk of money for a down payment on a house that I purchased last month and finally moved out of my parent’s house at the ripe old age of 27. The amount of energy I have is unbelievable and I’ve never been more motivated than I am now. My future goal is to meet a nice girl whom I can practice karezza with and has similar interests. I’ll give some thoughts in the future. My goal here is to give a bit of insight so that it makes the rebooting process easier for you. I want to see all of you turn your life around.
"We can do anything we like as long as it is UNIMPORTANT." - Theodore Kaczynski