15 Years of Misery Gone

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HawaiiGreetings to everyone. I'll start off by giving some background information about myself and I'll give some hopefully helpful insight in future blog entries.

As a child I was highly athletic, smart, and sociable. I was always happy and had a million friends. That all changed around age 11 when I got internet access and quickly became familiarized with nearly every image on slutpost.com. Soon after that I downloaded KaZaA and progressed to nearly every type of heinous porn imaginable (shemale, gay, dominatrix, animal, amputee, etc.). I started having severe depression and anxiety as a result. A psychologist prescribed me Lexapro and Zoloft which I only ended up taking for a few weeks because I hated the idea of taking medication. The next 15 years of my life were completely miserable. I was incredibly anti-social. I didn't talk to anybody and sat alone at lunch at school. I hated everyone. I quit all the sports that I played even though I was top tier in all of them. My grades plummeted to barely passable. As much as I hate to think about it now, I had even started thinking about planning my own 'Columbine style' exit to this world, so to speak. To sum things up, I was a complete wanker. I am truly surprised to this day that I made it through high school. I am not unattractive in even the slightest and had had women around me who tried to talk to me but I could barely even look them in the eyes. The few times that any situation would progress sexually I came up with a limp dick. The result was complete shame and embarrassment which led me to believe I was gay - and a complete loser (which I was). I contemplated suicide for a long time but just couldn’t do it for fear of the pain that it would cause my parents. And I’m happy I didn’t.

In my early twenties I knew in the back of my mind that porn was what was inhibiting my life. There was nothing that I could do about it however, because I had an addiction of the highest caliber. I still lived at home with my parents and didn’t work or do anything for that matter. I was the equivalent of a retarded child so to speak. I’d spend anywhere from 4-6 hours a day scouring the tube sites and masturbating profusely to the most explicit gay and shemale videos I could find. It wasn’t until last year when I came across YBOP that I swallowed up every piece of information I could on this website and just said “Fuck it.” I took my Toshiba laptop and smashed the hell out of it on my parents driveway and then beat the remains with a baseball bat. That moment was without a doubt the biggest turning point in my life. I knew that the withdrawal period would be absolute hell, but that I would just have to weather the storm and power through it. And I did just that. The first week I had the worst type of insomnia imaginable. I don’t remember falling asleep at all the first 6 days. In my mind, it made Hell Week of Navy SEAL training look easy. But during the weeks that followed, things started turning around a bit but really became noticeable after about 3 months. I actually started getting energy to do things.

I progressed to enrolling into a university and doing very well (4.0 GPA so far), landing a managerial position at a local small business, taking up a number of different sports (SCUBA diving, weight lifting, biking, MMA), and having successful sex with 2 different women. I even saved up a decent chunk of money for a down payment on a house that I purchased last month and finally moved out of my parent’s house at the ripe old age of 27. The amount of energy I have is unbelievable and I’ve never been more motivated than I am now. My future goal is to meet a nice girl whom I can practice karezza with and has similar interests. I’ll give some thoughts in the future. My goal here is to give a bit of insight so that it makes the rebooting process easier for you. I want to see all of you turn your life around.

"We can do anything we like as long as it is UNIMPORTANT." - Theodore Kaczynski


Good job on turning your life around, but this part of your confessional I find extremely troubling and offensive:

"Soon after that I downloaded KaZaA and progressed to nearly every type of heinous porn imaginable (shemale, gay, dominatrix, animal, amputee, etc.)"

Why I draw the line at bestiality and of course child porn simply because the animal or child are on totally unequal concensual playing fields. But you insulted homosexuals and transgendered people as well as those with certain harmless fetishes as well as those who have physical disabilities. Just insert, black or some other minority in your heinous sentence and you can see where I'm coming from.

You will find a whole lot more confessionals just like this one. Thousands on this site alone. Most users have escalated through porn genres because they can no longer get excited due to brain changes

I suggest viewing the videos to the right, and reading a few articles, such as-

Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn - My latest video on porn use causing sexual conditioning and acquired tastes in porn.

But you insulted homosexuals and transgendered people as well as those with certain harmless fetishes as well as those who have physical disabilities.

He didn't insult anyone. He is simply upset (as you seem to be) that he has escalated to genres that do not match his original sexual tastes, or orientation.

When you read the articles and watch the video, you will see that gays and lesbians have also escalated to porn that doesn't match their original tastes:

A few examples from YBOP -

I became addicted to internet porn in my late teens - gay sex to me is very normal and natural, but I lost interest in it over time. I became interested in strait porn and found myself increasingly losing interest in the male anatomy and developing a fetish for female genitalia. “I decided to stop watching porn - and after quite some time, I can happily say my fetish for women has gone. Gay sex has returned to the norm for me..

Are you going to chastise the above gays for escalating to straight porn and being upset about it?

You will find hundreds of comments, in the links I provided, of people who escalated to porn that didn't match their original tastes.

In fact, if you look at a poll by Reddit/nofap you will find that almost 60% escalated to porn they found to be deviant and disturbing  - https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B7q3tr4EV02wbkpTTVk4R2VGbm8/edit

Internet porn is different, and watching it for years during adolescence can cause big problems for people of all orientations.

Questions -  Did you grow up watching streaming videos on tube sites? Specifically - are you  22 or younger, and did you watch videos every day for the last 10 years? If so, consider yourself lucky that you have not escalated to anything other your original tastes in porn.

....you are wrong. He used the word "HEINOUS". That is extremely insulting and inappropriate. He could have simply stated "I started watching porn that didn't even suit my taste such as _________". Sorry, but his use of that word is insulting to the groups of people I just mentioned.

As I said, he found it disturbing that he had escalated to genres that didn't match his tastes. It's that simple. Your attempt to spin this your way is not acceptable

Your bias is obvious as I gave you several examples of gays and lesbians who found it "HEINOUS" that they had escalated to porn that did not match their sexual orientation.

Attempts at shaming others are not accepted on YBOP. Nor is spin.

What is your purpose for being on YBOP?


The links you provided are completely irrelevant to what I'm saying. You're the one spinning what I'm saying. The poster wrote:

"...progressed to nearly every type of heinous porn imaginable (shemale, gay, dominatrix, animal, amputee, etc.)"

He DID NOT write: "I found it heinous that my porn watching was escalating to things I wasn't even into".

I'm not shaming anyone here. I'm pointing out that the poster has shamed entire groups of people. And you're defending him because you don't seem to understand the difference between the 2 sentences I wrote above.

To be honest, after reading his post and your defense of it, I started to Google if this site is open to all people dealing with this issue or if it's a Christian oriented site that's not accepting of certain members of society. Based on some conflicting information, I'm still unsure.

To be honest, after reading his post and your defense of it, I started to Google if this site is open to all people dealing with this issue or if it's a Christian oriented site that's not accepting of certain members of society. Based on some conflicting information, I'm still unsure.

I'm not religious and neither is the guy who wrote the reboot.

Instead of Googling, try reading what I gave you to read. I'll say it again - the gays and lesbians who escalated to straight were disgusted by it. Did you see anyone shame them for their disgust? Of course not. You clearly have a double standard.

I'll ask again - why are you here?


I don't know whether you're just trolling out of boredom or what, but as a heterosexual I would consider it heinous to have numbed down your original tastes to the extent that more devious types of porn are a necessity to get a person turned on in the fantasy online world but not in the real world. Just as the administrator mentioned, it is no different if members of the shemale and gay community have fried their brains to the point of getting off to a style of porn that is more extreme or not in line with their sexuality because they can no longer get their juices flowing to what would regularly turn them on in real life. Just the thought of masturbating to straight porn could be considered 'heinous' to them in real life when they're not under the mind control of a porn tube site. It is all about whatever their sexuality is and whatever their line of thinking in regard to it in real life is.

Inside the parenthesis was the category of progressions (from shemale, to gay, to dominatrix, to animal, to amputee, etc.). There are plenty of other categories that I did not mention that could be considered heinous and frowned upon. I didn't mention cockfingering, Brazilian fart porn or rape porn. Maybe in your warped mind these things are perfectly normal for a person to be masturbating to online because they're consensual. Do you think that rape porn is perfectly OK because it is consensual even though in real life the act of rape is violent and illegal? If you don't, then according to your comments and opinion, you are shaming women who like to be raped. Or maybe in your words it is just another "harmless fetish." You don't think it is heinous for porn to be made with people's limbs missing because it is what is needed to get someone off? It is certainly not normal and 99% of society would consider that to be heinous. If you think that it is normal to require this level of stimulation in order to have an orgasm, then you are without a doubt a heinous individual with a heinous opinion in a world full of heinousness. If you've got nothing better to do than post comments about a minor perspective-based argument like this then please go find something else to go wank about in your life.

You clearly are a pinhead. You just did it again. You just wrote "devious types of porn". Maybe it's not your thing, but that doesn't make it devious. As the admin wrote, people can be disgusted by what their escalation turns into. However, you're not the one who can judge if it is disgusting or heinous itself. You clearly have a problem not understanding this simple, but large difference. If not, you're simply unable to admit your original wording was off base.

Let me make this more simple for those of you unable to follow: If you're into blonde chicks then find yourself increasingly wanking to black booty, would you say you're disgusted with yourself or would you say black booty itself is disgusting? Can you answer that simple question?

And to answer admin's question about why I'm here. I'm here to help myself, but came across a post I found offensive (or maybe it was simply badly worded) and brought up the issue. That's all. I'm not here to just pat everyone on the back if something that strikes me as really off-base comes up. If you can't see that, then go ahead and kick me out of here.

A brave internet warrior going by the highly admirable name Wanking_Life calling someone a pinhead...the greater insult seems to be right there in the pudding. I don't know if that was the worst usage of an ad hominem attack I've seen or what. If you're going to do that then please spend a little more time thinking about it and do a halfway decent job at it.
The correct statement that should be used is "heinous compared to one's original tastes." You can interpret the original statement the way you want it but that was how it was meant to be said. To put a spin on it in your own way and make it sound like I was discriminating against certain sexual orientations makes you sound like you should be on an internet porn site wanking instead of on a website devoted to explaining the science and dangers behind it.
Now you are bringing race into the equation apparently. What does race have anything to do with someone's sexual orientation? Unless of course you're a racist and there is not a place for racists in the comment section of this blog. Please get a life and take your holier than thou attitude elsewhere.

You could have said "that's how it was meant to be said" when I first brought up the issue. Instead, you escalated into personal attacks, and in the process I got myself dirty stooping to your level.

Hi Darigaaz, I can relate to you because your personality, timeline of porn addiction, addiction symptoms and age closely match mine :-) I'm waiting to hear more from you as I've just started nofap. Thank you.

Hey Darigaaz, Your story is so motivating. For so many aspects of your life to improve so much and for you to have goals again is great. It's surprising how porn sucks the life out of everything and you end up never doing any of the things you always wanted to do. Don't listen to the guy who turned your comment into a political correctness issue and ignored the important things you said. I hear you bro.