Age 24 - Day 50 "One year of struggling finally over!"
[Age 24 - History - given at Day 50, below]
[Day 33] Well here's my update. This time around (after ten months of working at this), I still haven't relapsed, still no P, M or O. My life is completely changing, but slowly. I have seen so many hard times during my journey, and there have been times when I've wanted to quit. I've felt like I've needed a release for so long and just have not gotten it.
But as hours and days go on, I continue to see beautiful changes in my brain, and in my life, right in front of me. Like I went to get a teeth cleaning, and there was a lady quite attractive but a bit older then me. I just don't understand how simple everything is becoming.
I don't know this lady or anything, but were joking back and forth, and at the end when I'm leaving she literally like thanks me and is like, "I don't think cleaning teeth is supposed to be this much fun. I had a great time thanks for entertaining me." I left there with a smile on my face, and I'm just like, "Wow!" The words that described how she felt about the time we shared were quite profound to me.
The other day I'm at work bored as shit, and not in the best mood, and this girl comes in, very attractive, and all of a sudden my mood just spiked way up. I was like "Hi! Your dog's head is hanging out the window of your car!" She starts cracking up, and we start talking for a while. A couple of people at my work were talking to her too. But whenever she'd tell a story she'd keep looking towards me because she felt really comfortable with me.
At the gym I feel totally different. I look at myself in the mirror and smile, but it's weird because I feel different. I think I even look different. My pimples have completely been eradicated. I seem to charm so easily every single girl I meet.
I don't know. I just feel like I can't relapse anymore. I see way too many benefits. If I was to relapse, I'd go into that old depressive state, and I feel like all of my vital life force that I have would be completely gone.
Today marks Day 33 of no PMO. I'd like to say I've beaten my addiction, but I want to wait until at least day 50 to say that.
I honestly can't thank you guys here enough, especially those who push all the way through and just keep reaching for the stars. When you do push through, it really helps everybody else out.
Honestly, since day 25ish, feel like I'm breathing gold. I love being in my own presence. I'm in a great mood a lot more often. I just can't believe I've made it 33 days without PMO. It's like a dream to me.
[Two days later]
I actively struggled for almost exactly 1 YEAR, before I finally could get this addiction under wraps. Most of the time during this year, I spent an enormous amount of time doing whatever I could to understand this PMO addiction. This addiction shot me in the foot many times, but I never gave up.
I saw small but definite results along the way. First, I started noticing it was very easy to go 5 days on average between each 1 day of PMO. Then it was 7 days, then 10 , then 14. 16 then became my "favorite" number. Hit that about 3 times. Now, 36 days of no PMO is right around the corner.
But what's funny is I really, honestly, HONESTLY, don't need PMO anymore. I don't think I will ever go back. I don't think I'll ever want to go back.
Advice for all you guys struggling out there: Everybody is different, but it should get exponentially easier once you have passed the 25th day. Like I used to say, "OK, I'll go to the beach today to avoid PMO." But now I just naturally do those things because I think it's normal, and PMO is not.
I promise you it will get easier. If you have ever gotten as far as day 14-20, but haven't surpassed that, you just barely cut yourself short. You were right there. Your brain was coming back. You were giving yourself a chance. Then, you simply made it harder on yourself by "just testing yourself" or whatever. Soon enough you're relapsing, and not once, but twice or 3 times.
This time around, I never once looked at porn—not for one second. I remember wanting to type in the url to a porn website. But I said to myself, "You really can't recover once you see one website." Once you dip your finger in, where's the limit? It's just WAY too easy. There are just WAY too many images, WAY too many videos. It's just so easy to over-indulge. Before you know it, you've watched 5 videos, and now you're hard as a rock ready to come over the top. And you do.
It was time for me to make a change. 1 year later, I'm sitting on end of Day 35. And I can honestly say I made THAT change. Like I said, it has really gotten so much easier. Like, the levels of temptation to PMO are below 3 now for me. Yes, my penis is more sensitive. I know if I fuck with it I'll cum fast. That's why I leave it alone.
[Day 50 -Reaching his goal]
Well I did it! I've made it to 50 days of no PMO. I never thought I'd make it this far. I really didn't. Well, here's another proof, another success story that goes in the books on this website.
But before the success story, I need to update you on this morning. This morning I had a full erection for like an hour. Seriously. It didn't go away or nothing. It was huge, and wow it was just amazing. I never recall having that full of a penis ever in my life. Also last night, I remember feeling so much sexual energy, that I was lying on my pillow and sheet, and I felt the pillow and sheet radiating from my sexual energy.
I was thinking if that's a girl she'd feel so great because my energy is so warm. I again this morning felt some really warm positive energy. and it's really nothing I've ever felt until perhaps day 40ish. It started when I went to the park about a week ago, and I was like so happy and I remember feeling "all at one with the whole park." Like my energy was so powerful, that the whole park was lifted with warm positive energy.
'Well here's my success story. Enjoy!
I been masturbating since I was probably 14. I'm now 24. I was watching streaming porn since about 16 or 17. That's 7 years. Just like most people on here my porn needs escalated, went from 1 girl 1 guy. to 2 guys on 1 girl, Gbang, C-shots. I was at a point in 2008 where I literally lost ALL control. I thought this thing was gonna be with me till the day I die and I had to accept it. I was probably PMO'ing 2-3 times depending on the day as an average. It was a self fulfilling negative spiral.
Because I spent so much time PMO'ing I lost all or most friends and contacts. And because I lost those friends I'd get more depressed and do it more. We are now looking forward all the way from 2008 where I was PMO'ing 2 or 3x a day, till now 6/14/2011, where I haven't had an orgasm in 50 days! I haven't watched porn or touched myself in 50 days!
This shows me that no matter who you are and how bad things are getting you can turn everything around, if you really want to. This time around, I had 100% determination. There were no if, ands, or buts. I was VERY HARD on myself. There were 0 exceptions. Urges were killed as soon as they arose. I tried anything and everything and it has all worked. Graham cracker, corn flakes, videos of people breaking their arms, and watching zillas fart and poop on youtube. It's funny how unattractive porn stars become in my mind, and how unappealing their "amazing asses" become when I see human shit.
Moving forward. I'm alive again. My current friends like me more. My family thinks I'm more helpful, and things are going much better.
I'm happy to say I've definitely DEFEATED my P-M-O Addiction once and for all. There's no turning back now. My future is not isolation and porn, but rather, a better life. Friends, a girlfriend, and social outlets.
A lot of the power of how I got to where I'm at had to do with knowing that day-by-day the addiction weakens. If you are a patient person (I am), I can see the risk vs reward and I'm able to just "wait". For me, sometimes that meant playing a video game for an hour extra rather then PMO'ing. Or staying in my hot tub for longer then I normally would.
Whatever it may be, if you are struggling with PMO, there have to be 1 or 2 activities you can extend everyday until PMO is no longer a nuisance.
Looking back now, the days have really flown by. It happens really fast. I promise you it does. People trying this journey out may think, "Well, 50 days that's just so far away." But really once you get in a groove it's not that long.
It's no fun to be a slave to masturbation or porn. Remember if 55% of woman are using vibrators so what? If 90% of males in the western societies are viewing porn, so what? It's not an excuse to look at the weak end of a spectrum and say, "Well everybody these days is fucking up, so why do I have to try?" That's how you stay in the non-elite 90% of men, if you think that way.
You have to try because maybe one day you'll be a leader, and you'll be the voice of the people. Maybe people need to learn from you, maybe that was the path you were supposed to be on. Don't be like everybody else: mediocre.
Day 52 [Finally masturbated without porn] Moving forward, I think in 3 or 4 days I'll have my swagger back, and these 52 days of no stimulation definitely were not a waste. I have learned a lot and will continue down the road of no PMO for as long as I can. No binge, no porn. I still had no desire to look at porn. This shows me things have changed.
Day 57 I'm doing fine, If I recall correctly I MO'ed twice that day. No porn still. Today just started day 5 of no PMO. The day after my MO relapse was really rough actually. I mean the whole day was fine for the most part, but this one guy at my work was really rude to me, and I didn't brush it off; I roared at him. lol.
Other then that I feel like I'm coming back to balance and I noticed the usual benefits coming back. It's different now. I don't count the days per se anymore. There's no point, because I think porn's not a part of my life anymore. If I MO, it may happen once every 30-50 days.
[Day 65, in response to question] Yes my erections are great.I have full erections during morning wood or if I have a fantasy. Before quitting porn, I never was this hard or full, definitely not. So there definitely was a positive increase in erection size, and fullness.
[Day 78, after masturbating on day 73] Well today is day 5 since my last orgasm, I'm moving with no difficulty again. I'm basically mentally back on point again and I'm not twisted in the brain like I was on day 74 thinking, "Oh boy should I masturbate again?"
I feel relaxed again and calm. and my mood is going back to usual no-PMO mood, which is wonderful. Nothing really bothers me. I'm not thrown off anytime someone makes a negative comment. And I'm not wondering 10x a day, "which way is he/she walking? I hope I'm not gonna bump into him/her." I just don't care as much, nor do I worry as much. Like, "so what if the lady bumps into me? Who cares?" People can be in close proximity and it doesn't bother me. Not much bothers me, and not much makes me intimidated or embarrassed.
I see my self admiration coming back too. And I definitely enjoy it. When I PMO, it's like I'm afraid to make any sexual gestures or look at myself in the mirror because it doesn't feel right. But when I'm back on the wagon, I could care less who's around me. I look at my abs in the mirror, or do whatever I want. I don't mean "not caring" in a mean way either. It's actually in a calm cool way, which makes it okay.
Well there's my update for now. no mates yet, but I'm getting there. just gonna give it time. Happy to be back in balance and not have 9 people a day give me an attitude - just because my chemicals in the brain are off so I give off weird signals.
[Couple months later] I know abstaining is the way to go for me because of the benefits I've experienced. I'm a calmer person; stress is manageable; I am able to communicate better, and my skin complexion is great.
The exact Brittanica explanation of why these things have come about from abstaining may be known, may be unknown, or may be a grey area. But it doesn't matter why. It just matters that it works. If I abstain I will continue to see these benefits, and if I don't, I'll lose these benefits. There's not much more to figure out for me anymore. I've made my choice.
While I don't have a girlfriend, I know "abstaining vs not," abstaining wins. If I get a girlfriend, then it's either orgasmic or non-orgasmic sex. I'm going with what works, and not rushing towards any goal.
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BY - jake83