ED - 101 days to a cure, while discovering my true libido
I joined 101 days ago because PIED was threatening my sexual health. I am pretty good about Making Shit Happen when I really want to and I successfully went 67 days on hardmode with a little bit of edging here and there on the horniest days.
My goal was 90 and beyond, since I'd heard that was the requisite time for a reset. And yeah, I feel pretty reset... no more PIED! :D :D :D
The whole time, I'd wondered what would happen were I to reset, but I knew I really wanted to make 90. I was too busy on day 90 to really think about it and I think I actually checked my badge on 91 or 92 to discover that I'd succeeded. It was a bit of an anti-climax but that's the nature of ending an addiction - you just kind of slowly return to normal life.
It feels like the #1 understanding I pulled from all of this was the ability to identify whether I was horny because I was horny, or because I was horny because I was stressed out. Now, I feel like I can behave sexually when the time is right -- and, as importantly, to not behave sexually when the time isn't right.
As such, I wound up feeling really really horny yesterday and edged somewhat midday -- but, unlike the usual instances, I wound up with a case of blue balls so bad I could hardly walk. I knew that fapping would cure the symptoms, but I'd hung onto them as a punishment for edging all day, telling myself that I'd just ride it out.
When I got home later, I got talking to a sweetheart who'd moved far away... and one thing led to another, and the arousal came back. We kept at it, and things kept getting hotter and hotter - and, for the first time in my life, I had a no-contact O. I could have stopped myself, but I didn't want to take another day in that much pain. Ultimately, I knew that whatever force of personality I'd mustered to make it 100 days would take me for another 100, and I think the lesson is valuable enough without having to risk bursting my seminal vesicles.
So... happy reset day from me to you. Stay strong, appreciate your sexual energy, and I look forward to the next 100... or infinity!