82 days is a weird number to post about, but I hit a big milestone today. Quick background. I’m divorced and had married my first girlfriend (and first sexual partner). That lasted over a decade and I am ashamed to admit that PMO caused me to have almost no sex life.
The divorce wasn’t solely due to PMO but I can tell you that a relationship with no sex life is a bad relationship, period.
After the divorce settled I went through a lot of changes, including losing a LOT of weight, changing my job, car, attitude, everything. But I didn’t change PMO, even though a marriage counselor correctly told me I was addicted to porn (I just didn’t see the reason to quit — I had no GF and it was so comforting).
Fast forward a year after the divorce and I meet a beautiful caring girl and you can already guess the story — I couldn’t get it up. And just like during my marriage I started thinking hey, I’m just broken and this girl will have to live with the fact that I’m a great boyfriend EXCEPT for the sex.
She was very supportive and said we’d ‘work through’ my issues — and that made me really think about what my issue was. And since I had been given a preview of what the problem was nearly a year ago, I started reading about it, found this forum, YBOP, and other sites. And one day when I was on vacation and instead of going outside I was going to look at porn on my laptop and pleasure myself, it hit me — this was the problem. I needed to stop.
That day was 82 days ago and I am proud to say I’ve been perfect on no masturbation and no orgasm. I am not as proud to say that I do relapse on porn every few days it seems — usually just a few minutes of bikini/soft core but I know its still wrong. This is the battle I still fight.
However, at least for me, it seems that nofap is the core of the solution, because the problem I had was desensitization due to deathgrip – I felt nothing from PIV or BJ or anything other than my hand. By completely eliminating my hand I can slowly (very slowly, but surely) feel again.
About 45 days in I could definitely feel the PIED going away, but it still wasn’t perfect. I told my GF about my problem then, which is another thing up for debate here; at least in my situation it was very helpful to tell her so she understands the things she has to do to help me get better.
And to get to the light at the end of the tunnel — which is hopefully just the FIRST light — this morning I was able to keep it up during PIV so for the first time ever in my life (and I’m in my late 30s) I gave a girl an orgasm just from that. I also felt a lot more (obviously since I was able to get in and keep going) but I still have a ways to go before I’m fully rebooted.
So yes, this is somewhat of a brag post, but I enjoyed reading other people’s brag posts because their success gave me hope for my success. I still have a ways to go, but if I can summarize the points of my journey:
- Long time PMO addict that let a marriage rot from the inside due to it
- Finally confronted my addiction about three months ago and been 100% good on nofap (no edge or masturbation) but not so great on porn (greatly reduced, but not pornfree)
- Shared all details with new girlfriend. So I’m on ‘easy’ mode rewiring at the same time as rebooting.
- Much reduced PIED (replaced with some performance anxiety) about 45 days in
- Was able to complete PIV 82 days in
- Been over 90 days without my own orgasm, and I’m not going to explode – so its not necessary for all guys
tl;dr PMO addict who never been able to complete PIV was able to do after 82 days NOFAP. Reboot is definitely not complete but very much in progress and worth the sacrifices made
NASC - 82 day post – there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Thabhairt cothrom le dáta - After almost four months, I am starting to become normal
My four month nofap anniversary is a couple of days ago. It is exactly one month after I met my current girlfriend, who was the straw that broke the camels back on me finally breaking the PMO cycle. She was so sweet and understanding and I wanted her so bad but could not perform and for the first time in my life I said I want to be better, not just for her, but for myself. And then I read, read, read and decided to undertake the program.
- Is féidir leat teacht ar ais arís (colscartha mar gheall ar porn)
Mar sin, bhí fadhb mhór agam le porn ar feadh mo shaol. Chuir mo chara is fearr in aithne dom é ar ais sa scoil ard agus bhí mé i mo pháiste geeky, nerdy mar sin is cuimhin liom uaireanta a chaitheamh ag iarraidh GIFanna a íoslódáil ó mo mhodem 1200 baud agus é a chur i bhfolach ó m’athair (nóta taobh: cur chuige mo thuismitheoirí chun é sin a rá liom is olc an rud é gan a mhíniú riamh cén fáth nach n-oibríonn sé. Caithfidh tú glacadh leis go bhfuil do pháistí níos cliste ná tusa - más mian leo rud a dhéanamh nach gceadaíonn tú, déanfaidh siad é).
Bhí mo chaidreamh le porn roimh aon chaidreamh dáiríre a bhí agam le mná. Níor chuir sé isteach go mór ar an gcaoi ar chaith mé le mná, ach dhéileáil sé leis an gcaoi ar chaith mé le Gnéas. Agus is é an bunlíne ná an gnéas is fearr liom gan aon bhreithiúnas agus ar éileamh seachas ardú agus míbhuntáistí an ghnéis fhíor.
Mar sin, cé nach raibh aon áirithintí agam maidir le ‘gnéas’ a bheith agam roimh phósadh is cuimhin liom cé chomh dona is a bhí sé agus conas a chuaigh mé ar ais go porn beagnach láithreach. Ní raibh gnéas agam ar oíche na bainise, agus ansin ar feadh ceithre bliana déag ba bhreá liom mo oíche ghnéis seachtainiúil le mo bhean chéile (atá anois ann), ag déanamh leithscéalta chun é a sheachaint, agus ansin ina ionad sin ag iarraidh dul go dtí an seomra eile agus cuid a fháil porn a jack off to.
Cé nárbh í seo an t-aon fhadhb i mo chaidreamh, agus mé ag breathnú siar bhí cuid mhór di - 90% is dócha. Agus ní fiú an easpa gnéis é, ba é an easpa intimacy i ndáiríre é. Agus cé gur cuireadh ar snámh mé ag an am nuair a d’iarr mo bhean chéile (a bhí anois ann) colscaradh, ceart anois smaoineamh cén fáth ar fhan sí chomh fada sin, cén fáth ar lig mé dó?
Mar sin, le linn na n-imeachtaí colscartha chonaic mé comhairleoir pósta a rinne diagnóis cheart ar mo chuid saincheisteanna le porn. Ach rinne mé neamhaird air fós, go háirithe ó bhí mé nua singil den chéad uair le fiche bliain, agus ba é porn an rud compordach a bhfuil aithne agam ar mo shaol ar fad.
Agus ansin bhuail mé le cailín foirfe, agus bhí gnéas againn. Agus bhí sé chomh frustrach. Chuaigh sé go dona arís. An uair seo, ní raibh mé chun glacadh leis 'sin mar atá sé'. Bhí orm a fháil amach cad a bhí mícheart, mar gheall gur ghlac mé le m’iar-bhean chéile nach raibh ‘gnéas riachtanach má tá grá agat’ nó bullshit éigin mar sin. Bhí a fhios agam anois go raibh saol gnéis sona, comhlíontach ina riachtanas le haghaidh caidreamh fadtéarmach.
Sin nuair a tháinig mé trasna ar na fóraim nofap agus pornfree agus léigh mé roinnt scéalta faoi dhaoine díreach cosúil liomsa. Agus is bóthar fada é le hathiompaithe eatarthu, ach bhí mé ag iarraidh porn agus fap a thabhairt suas le beagnach bliain. Tá a fhios ag an gcailín reatha faoin bhfadhb atá agam agus thacaigh sí léi.
Ó bhí mé ag iarraidh an dá rud a thabhairt suas, bhí gnéas i bhfad níos fearr agam (ní foirfe ar bhealach ar bith) agus bhí mé in ann orgasm a dhéanamh léi (ní dhearna mé riamh le mo iar-bhean chéile). Agus is fada agus is gearr é go bhfuilim ag gabháil arís, leis an am seo saol gnéis sláintiúil gan porn agus fap mar chuid den phlean.
lobhadh an chéad chaidreamh le beagnach fiche bliain ón taobh istigh de bharr andúil PMO agus colscaradh mar thoradh air. Bhí mé in ann é a chasadh timpeall agus caidreamh nua a thógáil (** Táim ENGAGED **) tar éis PMO a thabhairt suas.
Mar sin dóibh siúd a bhraitheann go bhfuil tú ag pointe íseal, tá go leor againn ann. Is féidir leat dul timpeall air, is cuma cá bhfuil tú.
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