I felt no superpower, but I changed my life.
It has been 100 days since I last PMOed. A lot of things have changed since then, others not that much. Overall, it has been a very interesting and profitable experience and I will try to sum up everything that happened during this challenge.
How it all started:
I had already heard about NoFap, already tried it and relapsed after a week because I just wanted to fap and I did not have enough motivation and reasons to keep going. So I was back to PMO again for 2 months.
A few days before a decided to do this challenge and to completely remove PMO from my life, I was telling me at the end of each fapping session "Ok, something is wrong, I should stop that". Indeed, the stuff I masturbated too were sometimes pretty weird, I had travelled a lot through all types of pornography over the years (coming from lesbian stuff at the beginning to SM, gay porn though I am straight, cross-dressing, uro...), just for the pleasure that novelty and the "forbidden" provides. I think I was not totally addicted but when I had a few hours just to myself, I would almost always spend some of them masturbating. I wanted control over that.
But, most of all, I wanted to make some changes in my life and I was interested in the promising effects depicted in the NoFapper’s success stories. On the second of April, I just come across this website again, I read a lot of stories and I said to myself "Ok, this is THE day. I am starting a full challenge, no PMO, no MO, no edge" and I started: the third April was the first day of a long journey, 100 days without PMO.
Failures and Successes
Although it is a success story, I have to say that I did not feel superpowers. I read many stories about becoming instantaneously a chick magnet, passing from social anxiety to being absolutely calm, confident and daring everything… But it has not been the case.
I kissed a few girls during some parties (days 51-100), nothing really concluding. I may have been a little bit more comfortable with women than before but it is hard to say (and I cannot tell if it is due to the nofapping or other improvements in my life, even if everything is related). NoFap was not particularly helpful in that area, but I think I should push myself a little bit more, whatever challenge am I in.
However, there was a pretty good part with the motivation and the energy. During the first 70 days I have accomplished a lot and I started to establish some good habits that I wanted to institute for a long time: I started working out a little bit, I am doing some jogging 2-3 times a week, I eat a little bit healthier. I believe that stopping PMO was king of a trigger, I decided to change a lot of things when I stated this challenge and I think nofap gave me the energy to accomplish it. It reinforced my willpower too.
During the days 70-85 I had a really bad time. I was sick for the first 5 days, and then I felt apathy like never before: I wanted to do nothing, I felt useless, I was just losing my time and I wanted to fap again. I did not relapse, and I am proud of it, but that is really the only good thing I did during these 2 weeks.
From about day 85th, I was at a lot of parties. I was a little bit more motivated than usual, some days more social than usual too. It was definitely a better time than the previous weeks, though not really productive.
I also realized how much time I wasted. Hours, almost every day PMOing. It was pleasure, yes. But I think it affected my behaviour, it changed me. It affected my self-confidence, and my peace of mind. I found so much freedom and free time when I removed it from my life.
I felt no superpower, but I changed my life. I cannot say that nofap was responsible for everything, but it was at least a trigger and it made me a better person, a freer one.
At the end, I do not know what I should thank NoFap for. My life and lifestyle has changed so much since I started this challenge, and I know that NoFap accounts for a big part of it, though I do not know to what extent. NoFap has been a trigger, but not only: it has also given me energy, motivation, power. NoFap is not everything, you have to do a lot of work yourself in addition to it. But it can dramatically improve your life when you decide that time has come for a change.
Difficulties and anecdotes
I had some really very hard days when I could not help but feeling horny, I just wanted to fuck, or to PMO, or just to MO but to do something. The first days were the worst in the sense that I was just at the beginning, after I could say to myself "You have already done X days, you are not going to break this work, keep going!". After the first month, the urges were less strong and more seldom, though I had some bad days once in a while.
I noticed that the only wet dreams I got during these 100 days were not about sleeping with women: they were about MO, especially relapsing. I had at least 4 of these, each time I was pretty disappointed in my dream because I had failed and I had relapsed again. And, when I got up, I was always satisfied and surprised to see that no, I was still in the game.
I also came across the movie “40 days and 40 nights” during the 100 days of this challenge. I had already seen it, 3 years before now, but at the time I never thought I would try the experiment, less alone for 100 days. It was funny to see it though; you realize that the movie does not depict the effect I have experimented precisely: the character was completely taken by the urges at the end whereas it is after a long period like 40 days period that it is the easiest. I also watched “The Price of Pleasure” by pure chance, it disgusted me from porn and made my challenge easier (there are some porn scenes during the film, I tried to skip them but it could have been a trigger. However, I saw porn differently at the time, it was just a scene, I was not excited or anything and I just skipped).
Triggers and Tips
I must admit I did not notice any particularly powerful trigger (maybe trying not to watch certain kind of movies where certain exciting situation can arise). The urges were more or less coming at random, sometimes very strong ones without a particular reason. However, I did pick up a few tips in order to fight these urges:
- Cold Shower.
- Using the energy, the frustration and everything to run, work out. Productive and efficient.
- Commitment and willpower. I mean, really knowing that there is no exception, that edging or anything is absolutely forbidden, that is leaving you no choice, PMO is not an option, urges are just hard times you have to go through. I does not necessarily make your life easier, but it keeps you from relapsing.
Now it is not the end, it is the begginng. Still lot of things I want to change or improve in my life.
But today I just reach 100 days. What is to do with that?
I mean, at the beginning, I planned on doing 100 days, I was really motivated and decided (I must have been since I succeeded…) but I did not really thought about what would happen at the end of the 100 days, I think I believed I would do 100 days than I would allow myself to relapse, going back to fapping again after.
Now I am thinking about it, I could masturbate only once a week (no porn involved), which would be, I think, a more natural and normal pace and I would beneficiate of those testosterone boosts at the end of each streak. Or I could stop definitely and just allow for sex, which would be more radical but, now that I have initiate some really good changes and everything, I do not want to relapse and go back to my previous life and MO is kind of a link to it. Moreover, I think it will be easier no to fap at all than to fap once in a while and try to avoid it between each fapping time. However, masturbation is clearly not a bad thing in my opinion, I just need to control it (porn is more debatable, I think it could be allowed with a little dosage, but it is harder to control and more dangerous. I will not try it.)
For the rest of my life it is simpler to know what to do (and maybe harder to do it): I have to keep the good habits I have established, try to reinforce them (workout ++ for instance), try to be more social and especially more seductive around girls. Well, life is perpetual improvement so I will keep trying to push myself forward.
To sum up, I would say that NoFap was definitely a worthwhile, interesting and improving experiment. It freed some space in my life and let some place for improvement, you have to fill it though. I realize from the size of my post that a lot have changed since the third April, most of changes in the right way. I just want to thank the NoFap community for everything I have learned, for deciding me to take this challenge and for the amazing support everybody can receive here. Thank you for reading my (long) post and if you have some advice/comments I would be glad to read you. I hope my story can inspire some of you.
Believe in yourself and everything is possible.