I was anxious 24/7, irritable, awkward, and had poor concentration
I've been dealing with anxiety issues over the past few years, or rather trying to find a reason for it. Not just anxiety but the awkwardness that I really couldn't understand.
Why could I speak with some people just fine, but most people was a complete struggle? I knew I could do it, but whatever I tried, nothing worked.
I was anxious 24/7, it enveloped me from the moment my day started to my thoughts late at night. The word "crippling" comes to mind, although I'm sure some people deal with worse. It became a part of life, trying to function normally while being inundated with worries, negative thoughts, even a few what I think would qualify as panic attacks. I couldn't enjoy a book, music, a hike, so many other things I had previously loved.
My habits before were about 1-2 times day for 5-6 years, but during this year it had spun out of control, I was beatin it when I got anxious, which was alot. This was up to 3-4 times a day and obvious to me now, became a self-reinforcing habit. Then I stopped, for one week, the week of christmas this past year. It was after exams for engineering, which were very stressful on their own. It was unrelated to a NoFap challenge, but after a few days I noticed, the anxiety was completely gone. Completely. Luckily I happened to make the connection, and hearing about NoFap before I decided to look a little deeper. This lead to yourbrainonporn.com, and I started on my journey.
Let me just say it felt like I was barely keeping my head above the surface. The change before and after stopping has blown me out of the water.
I had the "classic" symptoms
- ED (once, this was pretty scary, my girlfriend asked if I was attracted to her anymore, I didn't know the answer.)
- tons of anxiety
- awkwardness (now, I've always been a bit awkward, so I wasn't sure-- is this me? I felt like I knew I wasn't this awkward with people.)
- unable to make a personal connection to anyone
- very irritable (the smallest thing would piss me off)
- ability to concentrate was way down.
Almost instantly, I noticed changes, I've had relapses and noticed the some negative differences right after that as well. I think it's cutting down that ultimately helps, but I've stopped looking at that garbage for good.
I can TALK TO PEOPLE naturally and make them feel good while talking to them. People come up to me out of nowhere and talk to me (not sure how to explain this one). I can put on some music (Lemon Jelly especially, check them out) and hit me right in the feels like it hasn't for so long. I had a heart to heart talk with a best friend, something I've never done before.
I've had addiction to alcohol and smoking in the past which I kicked long ago, I think this helped in my nofap battle, I failed countless times with those, now I know the cues and my reasons for failure.
- Sitting at my computer was the biggest, I had to completely get off reddit, facebook, etc
- Rationalizing it to yourself. Damn brain, you can be so convincing when you're craving something. You need to be prepared for these, find even BETTER reasons not to give in.
- It's about building the mental strength not to give in. I have confidence now I'm not going to give in.
- That said, BE VIGILANT, it can sneak up on you out of nowhere. And it will.
Ask yourself who you want to be. Take a look, now be that man! Another poster said today GET ANGRY! Yes! Get angry when you give in. This is not who you want to be, keep fighting and don't let back in.
I can BREATHE!! The world is fantastic. I cannot speak enough of the praises of giving up this stuff. It's in all of us; the true man.