Alter 50 - Hochzäit, Sex, ED, an Opfaassung staark verbessert.

There probably aren’t many guys here on nofap over 50, the recent poll showed almost none, but here I am and I am glad to be here. If you don’t want to read this whole long post, I’ll just say that avoiding PMO for 90 days has been great for our marriage.

I’m glad I told my wife, and the journey has been well worth it.

Hannergrond: I’m over 50, married 25+ years to a great woman. We both earn a decent living, we’re in good health, we have loving parents, and our families get along. So I think we’ve been lucky in all the important ways.

But my use of porn has been a problem. Like most, I started looking at porn as a teenager. Back then it was either catalogs or pictures (pretty tame), at most it was Playboys or Penthouses (pretty tame too), and not all that easy to get. You had to go to a store and I was always uneasy about buying one from the clerk, especially if the clerk was a woman. Still, I got into the habit of jerking off, and at times I would realize that fapping to porn (or the fantasy of other women) was maybe negatively affecting our sex life and our marriage. And this was even before kids (once we had kids, we had sex less often as before, but I won’t get into that cycle).

Other than first night jitters, however, I never really had ED or PE issues with my wife (or with the women I was with before her).

Then the internet came to our house and I discovered free, unlimited, anonymous online porn. Who needed Penthouse? Who cared if my wife was tired? I could look at whoever, doing whatever, for free. Again, at times I would think that the porn was affecting our sex life, and would try to cut out the PMO, but never could for very long. I would even tell my wife what I was trying to do, but I don’t think she understood exactly why I thought it was a problem (perhaps because I wasn’t fully explaining it to her).

Am läschte Joer hunn ech gemierkt datt meng Porno Gebrauch vill vun de Markenzeeche vun enger Sucht hat: Ech konnt et net fir all Zäit stoppen wann et verfügbar ass, ech géif konstant iwwer meng nächst Fix nodenken, ech hunn Suen ausginn a vill Zäit drop sinn ech a méi haarde Porno gaang, an ech hu mäi Verhalen geännert fir Situatiounen opzesetzen, wou ech op Porno kucke konnt. Dëst huet mech besuergt. Et huet mech och Suerge gemaach datt ech net ganz laang mat menger Fra haart bleiwe konnt, an ech net gär hunn wat eis Sexliewen ëmgeet: Ech géif net vun hir erwächt ginn, awer zimlech nëmme wa se provokativ Kleedung un hat (wat natierlech déi Zort Kleedung war, déi vu menge Liiblings-Porno "Amateure", asw.) gedroe gouf.

Ech si kale Truthahn fir 17 Deeg gaang (am längsten war ech jorelaang vu PMO fräi) awer ech hat eng Flatline, wousst net wat dat war, a réckelt, well fir alles wat ech konnt gesinn, ouni Porno ze goen nëmmen mäi Sex zerstéiert fueren! Dunn (wärend ech no neie Porno nom Réckwee gesicht hunn) sinn ech op Äre Brain On Porn gestouss an dës subreddit. Wat eng Offenbarung war et! Ech hunn iwwer PIED geléiert, den Doudegriff, de PMO Zyklus, a wat ech geduecht hunn nëmme meng Themen waren d'Saache gedeelt vu villen anere Jongen.

Mir schwätzen mat der Fra: We have a good marriage, but even so, it wasn’t easy for me to level with my wife and tell her exactly what was going on. I told her what I’d learned about PMO, and she wasn’t insulted or threatened, instead she was thrilled to help. She said that she thought something was going on over the last few years, but that the pieces didn’t fall into place until I explained the PMO problem in detail (but I didn’t take her on a “tour” of the porn I’d used, and she didn’t want to go there either). Telling her was absolutely the right thing to do fir eis. Her support has been tremendous and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. But I don’t know how it would be for anyone else.

Virdeeler: The biggest benefit has been to our marriage. Rather than hiding my habit, hiding my purchases of porn, and hiding my sexual energy from her, it’s now in the open and that is freeing. I don’t have to worry about her (or anyone) finding my browsing history, or porn stashes, etc. I am a better husband — I do more housework, share tasks with her, do more things with her (rather than figuring out a way to get my porn fix). It’s great because she appreciates it and reciprocates. And as far as our sex life goes, I had been on hard mode, but on Valentine’s Day we decided to give it a go, and that weekend we had sex and it was a huge improvement — I was able to get hard and stay hard in her for much longer than I’d done in years. And it was with her there naked, not in some porn type outfit. Also, at times our cuddling has even been more intense, almost like it was when we first got to know each other (which I really really liked). I am seeing her beauty now, rather than thinking of her in comparison to a porn woman on the internet. My wife is out of town but she comes back later this weekend and I am horny and ready to end the hard mode.

The time I used to waste fapping and looking at porn is now available to do other things. I got a book called “The Slight Edge”, and while it has its hokey parts, it has some really good stuff in it about making small improvements every day (that add up over time). I don’t think I would have read the book (or started implementing it) unless I had come here. So many have said that nofap and noporn is about improving yourself, not just avoiding porn or fapping, and they’re right. I am eating better, exercising more, spending more time with my wife (and we have fun together). I have lost 20 pounds over the last three months, and that feels great.

Rotschléi: Know about the flatline, and don’t be scared, you just have to wait it out. I’ve had several flatline periods, and in some ways, they are easy, because sexual temptation goes out the window. I will probably have more flatline periods in the future and I now know to be patient.

You’ve got to stay away from any triggers. You cannot just “take a peek”. For me, porn is the bigger enemy, but I also have to avoid fapping because the two are completely intertwined for me.

Have a plan that you will use if you start going toward the line. Calmly tell your dopamine seeking brain that you are not going there. You can wait out the urges.

Exercise is good. Do it! Find other ways to improve your life, and do them.

If you think your girlfriend or wife would be supportive, you can take the risk (and it is a risk) of leveling with her about PMO, show her the Ted Talk and YBOP, and explain that your porn use is not a reflection on their attractiveness.

Destroy your porn stash. This was huge for me. Before, I would destroy some of the porn, but I’d always keep some of the favorites “just in case”. This time I destroyed all that I could find (I found more after I started my streak and I destroyed that too). As one person put it, that is the difference between “I will try” and “I will do”.

Aarbecht am Fortschrëtt: The 90 day period is of course only a start. I’ve been fapping for so long, and looking at porn so long, that I can’t expect that my work is over. It may never be. I still have urges to look at porn. I don’t think of porn anywhere near as much, but I do, and the images are still in my mind — I just try to direct my attention elsewhere. Although I am improving, I still fantasize about other women, and while some would say that’s OK, it’s all a matter of degrees, and I need to continue my focus on my wife, not on fantasizing on whether I can bang the cute woman at the bank. Where does the fantasy get me anyway?

Merci: Many men who post here have gone through so much more than I have. It’s been inspirational — at the beginning, I read these accounts and I thought “if they can do it as young men with no girlfriend and a huge sex drive while trying to find their place in the world, then I certainly can do it with my kind wife and years of experience and my lower testosterone levels”. Many times I have wanted to look at porn, but I’ve logged on here instead, and it’s been so helpful. I am so grateful to Alexander who started this subreddit, and all the members who have made this subreddit a source of support. And thanks for reading to the end of this long post, good luck on your journey.

LINK -  Married and over 50, PMO problem, told my wife: My 90 Day Report

by nofap490

ANERZE POST

Enormen 92 Deeg Benefice - super Sex a kee PIED!

Virun nofap hat ech PIED - dat war e grousse Grond datt ech den 15. Dezember nofap gestart hunn an ech sinn zënterhier haaptsächlech am haarde Modus gewiescht. Ronn 60 Deeg hate meng Fra an ech e puer Mol Sex (Vältesdag an alles) ...

and my performance was improved, but I wasn’t where I wanted to be mentally and physically, so I went back to hard mode. For me, 60 days hard mode wasn’t enough.

I am glad I was patient about this (and that my wife also was patient and supportive). Last night we had the house to ourselves, showered, went to bed early, and just had the best sex we’ve had in years. No PIED — I was able to get hard and stay hard in her, no PE, I was able to relax and enjoy her. She had a great time as well, I don’t need to go into the details, but we were really connected. It was like the old days, and we’ve been married over 25 years.

What was really cool is that I wasn’t using any mental tricks to stay hard, such as fantasizing about a porn actress or another woman while we were fucking. I didn’t have to. I was connected to hei. And she didn’t have to tart herself up with makeup and special clothing to excite me. It was just her (don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my wife making herself ever hotter by wearing something sexy, but before nofap that was néideg sinn in order for me to get excited).

This opens up a whole new world of fun and intimacy (which I think had withered during our marriage in large part due to porn), and we are both so happy and pumped about it!

TL; DR: If you have PIED, be patient, let your brain re-wire out of the old PMO patterns. Maybe it will take 30 days, maybe 90, maybe 150. Who knows? But if 90 days without PMO works for a 50+ old guy who has been looking at porn for decades, it could work for you too!

by nofap490

AN 200 DAAG

200 Days – It’s Well Worth It!

UPDATE 2 - One year — Yeah!

Until December 15, 2013, I spent way too much time over a period of 40 years (!) jerking off to porn. It’s now been a whole year with no PMO, and lots of good things have come from ditching the PMO habit and replacing it with better habits.

I now have a better marriage, a better sex life, more energy in general, and more focus. I spend far less time fantasizing about sex with porn actresses or other women, and far more time having sex with my wife.

I no longer have to hide my browsing history or my porn stash, which feels great. I no longer try to arrange my day to be able to get my PMO fix. I feel good physically, I am eating better and I’ve lost over 20 pounds since the beginning of 2014.

None of this happened simply because I merely stopped jerking off to porn — that’s not enough by itself — what has been key is to stop the PMO cycle and to use the time and energy (that I used to throw away jerking off to porn) on better things for me and my family.

While this has been a hugely positive journey over the last year, I have to be realistic. I still procrastinate too much. I still have urges to PMO. And I am not some kind of amazing stud in bed now — I’m in my 50s and sometimes I don’t get it up or don’t last as long as I want to. But the improvement is huge, and my wife loves the change as much as I do.

Stopping the fapping habit in itself hasn’t been that difficult; staying away from porn has been harder. The biggest challenge ahead for me, I think, is to completely stop looking at sexually interesting stuff on the web. I don’t cruise porn sites any more. I don’t seek out bikini pictures. I usually stay away from sites with pictures of actresses in tight, attractive outfits. But sometimes I have looked at sites like American Apparel and have told myself that it’s OK, that I’m “just shopping for something sexy for my wife”. While that’s not PMO, I still call BS on that. I mean, let’s get real, I get a charge from that, and even if I don’t MO to it, it still is a little shot of dopamine that I should instead get from real sex with my real wife, and my goal this coming year is to cut the artificial sexual stimulation (even if not usually considered “porn”) out of my life 100%.

TL;DR This year has shown me that I can break the PMO habit, and if a guy in his 50s can do it after using porn and jerking off for decades, then others can do it too. It really helps to have this subreddit available; r/nofap has been a huge help to me, and I’m so grateful for the help and encouragement from so many of you.